I hugged my arms around my middle to hold myself together. I prayed and prayed that time would go quickly and he would see that we were better together. But this was one time when I didn’t know if heaven would answer my prayer. I’d been given a gift of Alex’s love, and I’d thrown it away at the first bump in the road.
Maybe I didn’t deserve him.
* * *
Iwas sitting on the blue couch in my apartment, crying my eyes out, when Becca walked through the door. She didn’t say anything, just walked over, sat down next to me, and gave me a big hug. A minute later, she pulled a package of chewy chocolate chip cookies out of her bag as she settled in next to me.
“I thought we could use somewho needs a man?cookies,” she offered, using the name we had given these cookies while in high school.
That comment brought my first laugh of the day, then more tears as I offered up, “I do!”
Becca wrapped an arm around me and held me as I sobbed. “Then what are you going to do about it?” she countered. “The Emma I know doesn’t go down without a fight. Is this something worth fighting for?”
“Yes,” I said emphatically without having to think twice.
“All right, then, let’s dry those tears and come up with a plan. We all make mistakes, and from what you have told me about Alex, he is understanding. He is hurt right now too. He really put himself out there. Now it is time for you to do the same.”
She was right, and I knew it. I took a deep breath and dried my eyes. Enough crying. If I wanted to change my situation, I could try. Now it was time to get to work.
Chapter Thirty-One
Alex
It was Friday. Emma’s last day at work—probably the last time I would see her. If I saw her, we didn’t cross paths much these days. It was like we’d jumped back in time to when we’d been avoiding each other. I hated it.
I hated that I hadn’t grabbed her up in my arms and kissed her until all the hurt inside both of us melted away. I should have, but I couldn’t figure out how to get that moment back.
I didn’t want her to go, but at the same time, I was damaged by her lack of faith in me and didn’t know what to do with that emotion. I’d set an appointment to see Dylan next week, but until then, I was on my own to process these emotions. All I knew was that my heart felt like it was being dragged over hot coals.
I wanted another chance. A small sign that she was open to reconciliation. We didn’t even have to pick up where we’d left off. I’d be happy to start over if it was with her.
I made myself go through my regular routine. The way I would get through this was by sticking with the things I knew. I finished my oatmeal with cinnamon and honey for breakfast and made my way to work. I didn’t have surgery today, so I started my rounds first.
The elevator doors opened and revealed an odd sight. Every patient well enough sat in the doorway of their room in a wheelchair. They each held a lime-green poster board and wore huge grins.
Mr. Patterson, the man in room 306, pointed at his poster and winked.
I blinked, wondering where this was all going. But I took a good look at his poster. The letters were loopy, and the glitter reminded me of Emma so much it caused a physical ache in my chest. Wait … That was Emma’s handwriting.
Please.
A smile tugged at my lips.
Mr. Patterson shooed me down the call. “Keep walkin’, doc. There’s more where this came from.”
The next room’s poster saidForgive, thenMe.My heart rate picked up speed, and so did my feet. For the first time, I felt hope.
As I jogged, I readI, am,andsorryin the next three rooms.
At the end of the hall was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. Emma, who had her curls free and wild and who was wearing the stunning turquoise-and-brown dress, held a final poster that readI love you.
The words stopped me in my tracks. My mouth fell open and I stared, reading her poster over and over again.
Becca giggled. “You’re so close.” She shoved me from behind, helping me cross that final divide that seemed so big in my mind but was really only three steps.
Three steps were all it took to shed the awkwardness, the pain, but mostly the fear of opening my heart. What was left to be afraid of? Emma loved me.
I got close enough to Emma that I could see the faint freckles on her nose and smell her favorite perfume.
