“Because it’s too easy.” She pulled her hands out of his grasp and placed them on hischeeks.
“And that’s a badthing?”
“I need to pound the pavement, pay my dues, put in the time, and work my contacts. I need to build this myself. Does that makesense?”
He just wanted the peace they’d had over the past few weeks at home where ex-boyfriends didn’t pop up and Cedar didn’t talk about shutting him out of a part of herlife.
The old, familiar shaking in his hands started and a thousand-pound weight of dread settled on his chest. Amy had shut him out, too. He thought he’d conquered all of her rejection, put it in the ground when he buried her, but this situation was toofamiliar.
He spent several seconds working to calm his hands. Cedar was not Amy. Cedar wasn’t trying to keep him away from his child. Cedar was determined and wanted to make it on her own. Her grittiness was something to admire, not fear. Still, the weight remained. There was only one way he knew to conquer—and that was to hit his opponent hard. Except he couldn’t hitCedar.
“I can respect that,” he managed tosay.
Cedar leaned her head against his chest. “I need to dust off the old plans I wrote. Go through files. Make some phone calls. I feel busy all of asudden.”
Teo listened as she continued to discuss her first steps back into the business world. He managed to rub her back as she spoke. “It’s still early. Do you want to spend some time on the beach?” The soft sand had become their special place. Which was perfect, because before that, it had been just his. There was no one on earth he would rather share it with thanCedar.
She shook her head. “My brain is going a hundred miles per hour. I’ve got to get to my laptop. Raincheck?”
He clenched the couch to keep his hands from shaking again. This was important to Cedar, and he needed to give her space to be herself. He repeated many of the phrases that had gotten him through life with Amy in his head. “Sure. We’ll celebrate out there—together—when you’ve got everything settled and ready togo.”
Darrin had upset Cedar—spurred her into action. Cedar’s reaction to the event was a positive one. She wasn’t in a ball on the couch crying her eyes out. She was taking the field. Like in a game. If you got knocked down, you gotup.
As he entered the house with Akoni on his shoulder and Cedar’s headlights on his back, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they’d entered a new ballgame, and he didn’t know theplays.
Chapter 19
Cedar brushedher fingers through her hair, wincing at the feel of the two-day-old product. Akoni was out of sorts, and she was running out of patience. Her heart wanted to just sit down with the boy and rock him as his new teeth wreaked havoc on his otherwise peaceful life. But her head ran in circles, reciting the many tasks she had yet toaccomplish.
She stared longingly at her laptop sitting open on the coffee table—just out of reach. Akoni had been content being rocked as she stood at the kitchen counter and typed with one hand while holding him in the other arm. But after twenty minutes, he started to cry. He didn’t want to have to share her attention with the computer and only settled down when she snuggled into the couch with a cotton blanket. She hummed a tune she couldn’t remember the name of and ran her fingers through his hair over and overagain.
The inability to accomplishanythinggrated across her neck muscles, making them tighten in the most uncomfortable way. Being a nanny was supposed to afford her some free time, but Teo was filming a commercial of some sort for body spray or foot spray or hair spray. She couldn’t remember what he’d said before he left that morning. Akoni had kept him up most of the night, and he had bags under his eyes. The poor guy needed some pampering—if only she had twenty minutes to take care of him or wash herhair.
On top of the pain in her neck, her back was killing her from holding Akoni for so long. He was not a small kid, and since he wasn’t feeling well, he hunglimp.
The baby pain medicine would take a few more minutes to kick in. She just needed to bide her time, and then she could lay him down in his crib and get some workdone.
Several hours later, Cedar put away the thermometer. Akoni didn’t have a fever, but he was still fussy, which was so unlike him. Her phone was overflowing with web pages offering advice on how to sooth his pain. He shoved away a cold washcloth when she tried to get him to chew on it. He wanted nothing to do with the teething ring. She was so desperate, she brought up her mom’s number. She stared down at the number on the screen, unable to press the call button. Her parents thought she was still working for the Tiny Titans Camp. Telling them that she had been let go was not an option. They had expectations for their daughter, and being a nanny wasn’t on the list. The philosophy that life was meant to be fun only extended sofar.
Akoni cut off mid-wail and slumped against her, having finally given in to his exhaustion. Cedar didn’t dare lay him in his crib. That was her mistake last time. The second she put him on his back, he screamed as if the walls were coming down around him. She put a pillow behind her lower back and settled onto the couch with Akoni’s head resting on her chest. They were reclining—sort of—and she was able to lay her head back and take some of the tension out of her neck. She just needed a minute of rest, and then she would bring her laptop over and type one-handedagain.
Just a minute ofrest.
* * *
“Cedar.”
A deep, inviting voice called her name from somewhere far away. She liked the voice; she just didn’t want to go to the place where the voice came from. Staying in the nice, cozy darkness was so much morepleasant.
“Ceeeedar.”
“No way,” she muttered. Shifting so she could roll over, she felt a weight on her stomach, holding her down. A heartbeat later she remembered Akoni and stopped moving, afraid to wake him and start the whole process all over again. The baby needed sleep. She needed sleep. Teo needed—Teo!
Her eyes popped open, and she stared into the most handsome face she had ever seen … except for the makeup. The thick powder coated Teo’s face, making him look like plastic. “What?” sheasked.
“Hi there, SleepingBeauty.”
She pushed off the couch with one elbow while steadying Akoni with the other. “What time isit?”
