As she made her way to her car, she noted the difference between saying goodbye to Teo and saying goodbye to Darrin. Darrin left her edgy and discombobulated. Teo made her feel warm andwanted.
She climbed behind the wheel and started the car. The drive back to her place was filled with self-evaluation. Who was she; who did she want tobe?
There was no denying the entrepreneurial spirit raging inside her being. Yet she’d enjoyed being a nanny—enjoyed it a lot. Even as she’d interviewed for other jobs, she’d known leaving Akoni was going to be so much harder than she ever thought possible. The chubby baby held a large portion of her heart in his hands. And then there was Teo. Playing house with him was real—so very real. She could easily fit into that life without having to change her shape. Darrin couldn’t offer her the same deal. He’d want to change who she was—harvest her ideas and abilities and leave behind her need for afamily.
Cedar made it home and made herself a warm cup of cocoa. Even now, after leaving behind Camp Buckeye, a cocoa before bedtime ritual calmed her down and settled her thoughts. As the steam wafted from the mug, warming her nose and lips, she came to arealization.
The woman who had dreams and goals wasn’t lost the day Darrin broke her heart; she was right here, waiting for Cedar to give her the green light to make thingshappen.
She needed to be bold. She needed to pull her dreams out of the clouds and set them in motion. So what if Darrin had stolen two ideas? He had all of them, somewhere, so she had to get moving if she was going to beat him to the punch and get the others up andrunning.
Tonight wasn’t a great night, but it was a necessary experience, because it showed her that she was on the wrong path professionally. She wasn’t made to work for someone else—to be a cog in a giant machine. She was a machine maker. Teo would call that revelation a miracle. He’d say that the Lord was teaching her about herpotential.
Cedar smiled. She loved Teo’s faith, his optimism. Even though he hadn’t looked so optimistic on the drive home. She hated leaving him waiting for an answer, but she wasn’t about to say something she couldn’t back up. He accepted her as she was and didn’t want to take anything away from her. He’d supported her as she graduated, changing his schedule if needed so she had the time to meet with counselors and turn in her internship evaluation or go to interviews. If she had to pick between the two men, she’d pick Teo. Not because of all the butterflies he could unleash with one look—although that was a bonus, as was his physique. No, what really mattered was that Teo was the type of guy she’d been hoping to find in Darrin. He may not meet all of her needs in every area of her life, but finding a fit like him was like looking for aunicorn.
She set aside her half-full mug and stretched. Tomorrow there would be a long conversation with Teo—one that needed to happen. There was so much to clear up, so much to explain. It was time to come clean about all of it. Time for both of them to shed theirlayers.
And if that went well, then they had something to build upon. If it didn’t? She shuddered. Life without Teo and Akoni wasn’t a life she wanted to plan. Hopefully, Teo was ready for this conversation. If they made it through, then she’d consider that amiracle.
Chapter 18
Teo pacedin front of the couch while Cedar paced behind it. Neither one of them were able to sit still as Cedar laid out everything that had happened between her and Darrin. She said she wanted things between them crystal clear so he didn’tworry.
Teo didworry.
He worried the whole time she talked that she was going to tell him she wanted to be Darrin’s partner. Small knives rolled around in his stomach, cutting him up from the inside. He’d fallen for Cedar. Fallen hard and fast and he didn’t want to let her slip away. He opened and closed hisfists.
“So what I learned from all of this is that I’m not meant to work for someoneelse.”
“That’s what you’ve learned?” He stopped and threw his arms out. “Cedar—I’ve got to know where we stand. I can’t wait in limbo any longer. I’m not good atit.”
Cedar stopped moving and leaned on the couch. “I told you I didn’t want to go back toDarrin.”
“No, you said you didn’t want to work withhim.”
“Oh,” she glanced down shyly. “In my head they were one and thesame.”
“They aren’t.” Teo climbed on the couch, his knees digging into the cushions. Cedar’s sweet pineapple scent teased him closer and gave him the courage to cup her face in his hands. “I slept like crap lastnight.”
Cedar giggled. “I’m sorry.” She traced her fingers lightly over the bags under his left eye, her touch reaching all the way to his heart. “I wanted to be sure ofmyself.”
“Are you?” He searched her ocean eyes, finding the deep greens and blues that had captivated him the first time they’dmet.
“I’m sure I don’t want Darrin—professionally orpersonally.”
Teo brought her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her fingertips. Her skin was soft and warm and sweet. He took a deep breath, ready to tell her he loved her, that he wanted her in his life from here to as far as he could see andbeyond.
Cedar spoke first. “I need to get my life back ontrack.”
Teo could see the wheels turning in her head. She wasn’t caught up in emotions right now—she was calculating her next big move. Which meant she was confident that the two of them were settled for the time being. That wasn’t a bad thing. Her perception that all was well between them meant she felt confident in their relationship. He could wait to lay his feelings bare. He glanced around the living room. This wasn’t exactly a romantic setting. He let out a sigh. He could do so muchbetter.
She continued, “If Darrin can find backers, then I can do it,too.”
He may not be able to say I love you right away, but money he would gladly give away. “You’ve already found one—how much do youneed?”
Cedar didn’t answer right away, and the silence lengthened between them. Eventually, she took a deep, fortifying breath, the kind that pulled her chest up and her shoulders back. “I can’t take your money.” She spoke so quietly that he had to lean sideways to catch the lastword.
That was unacceptable. Teo had worked hard, darn hard, to get where he was in life. If what he had couldn’t help the people he cared about, then what good was it? “Whynot?”
