He lifted his gaze and directed it towards the horizon. “There are times when I wish that life was nae this hard. Sometimes I wish I could ride away and disappear intae the Highlands. I would nae hae tae risk disappointing anyone then. But somehow it seems as though it would be an empty life, moving from town tae town, never mattering tae anything.”
“I think the only thing that matters in this world is family. We are important because we care about people, and people care about us. That is what we need tae remember, and it is what ye need tae remind yer Da of. But until then, we should get back tae the village. I want tae see ye smile again. This is nae a time tae be unhappy,” she said, flashing him a wild smile. He nodded and seemed to agree. He rose to a standing position and then held out his hands. She took them and he helped her up. He pulled her with more force than she was expecting, so when she rolled forward onto her toes she was a little unbalanced and fellinto him. She gripped his hands hard as she steadied herself, looking up at him with eyes that were swimming with delight. For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her again and she longed for it to happen. She could feel the arousal bristling all over his body, but he stepped back, increasing the distance between them.
This Laird would not be hers just yet, but in time she was certain she could take her place by his side as his devoted wife, and then she would never have to worry about going hungry again. She could give Rory the life she had always wanted to give him, and no longer would she have to disappoint her parents. Unlike Finlay, she could not easily make peace with her father. Only by securing her and Rory’s future could she make her dead parents proud, but with every moment she spent with Finlay, she felt as though she was coming closer to this destiny.
As they strolled back to the clan she kept the conversation light and breezy, making him laugh so that he would forget about his troubles. But all the time her gaze lingered on him she was thinking about the kiss they had shared, and what else they might have shared on that soft blanket if he hadn’t been such a gentleman.
10
Tearing himself away from Anne had been one of the hardest things Finlay had ever done. Her lips were warm and soft, her body willing. Her fingers had twined through his hair and her heavy breaths had enticed and enthralled him. Being with her had felt like falling into a dream. Her scent was sweet and she seemed to be so willing to share passion and affection with him, which was unlike any of the noble women he had met before. They had always guarded their virtue like a precious jewel, becoming standoffish and cold as they never wanted to give a man anything before he offered them marriage.
Anne was different. She was wild and free, and passion coursed through her veins, burning the air. It was intoxicating and exciting. She had a bawdy sense of humor, and she never seemed to shy away from speaking about what was on her mind. There was none of the polite restraint he had encountered from other girls on his travels. Quite frankly, he was dazzled by her.
It had taken all of his self-control to pull himself away. The easiest thing in the world would have been to ravish her witheverything he possessed, but then he would have been nothing more than a simple man who was a slave to his instincts. To be worthy of more, he needed to show that he was above all that. Part of him wondered if it was a test. While he didn’t think that Anne was that sly, he was conscious of the fact that there were plenty of noblemen in attendance, men who had honed their manners over the years. He did not want to prove himself a rogue by acting as such. There had been a risk that Anne would be insulted by his reaction, but he thought he had handled it well. He hadn’t even had to lie, well, not really. His father wasn’t a Laird, of course, but it was true to say that he couldn’t marry or move on until he had proven to Brandon that he wasn’t a disappointment.
Anne was so lovely, however, that he started to see how he could get a better life for himself. He had not intended to seduce anyone in this manner when he had returned to the McLeod clan, but now that she was standing before him how could he pass up on the opportunity? He had to think up some way to make sure she would never meet his ‘father’, however. He would have to spin a convincing tale that would deepen her affection for him. While they walked, he was half-listening to her and half-thinking about the details of his fictional life.
“I know ye said that ye would like tae roam about the Highlands, but that is nae the future I envision for myself at all. I hae done enough traveling with my uncle. I would prefer tae put my roots down firmly, tae hae a house and a family. I suppose it is why I hae always been drawn tae the people who live in keeps such as this,” she gestured towards the large McLeod keep that dwarfed the skyline. “How does yer keep compare tae that?”
Finlay chuckled. “I’m afraid it’s nae as impressive, but it is cozy. Sae ye want tae settle in one place then?”
Anne nodded. “I want tae know that my future is secured. Moving from place tae place can be exciting, but tae know that ye hae a place that can never be taken away from ye, well, that is all I hae ever dreamed of,” she said. He was about to comment something about that when she started speaking about something else. Her tone of voice changed immediately and she made some joke about two old men who were walking by, making no secret of their admiration for the younger, beautiful women who were passing them by.
Just beyond these men, however, were a group of rugged men who were huddled together. They were swarthy and other people steered clear of them, for they did not seem to be up to any good. Finlay recognized them immediately. Fear struck his heart like a hammer on a bell and a lump formed in his throat. He instantly became self-conscious and dipped his head, looking for obstacles behind which he could hide himself. He guided Anne towards a crowd, all the while darting his gaze towards the bandits, hoping that none of them recognized him. If they did, then it would all be over. They would drag him through the streets and throw him down at Murdoch’s feet.
Finlay shuddered at the thought.
Over the years he had accrued the ire of the man after stealing money while playing cards. Well, Finlay didn’t quite see it as stealing, more like using his wits to take advantage of people who were otherwise distracted. Murdoch didn’t quite see it the same way, and this distinction was important considering the thugs he had under his employ, and the ruthlessness that he displayed. He was the kind of man to never forget those who wronged him either, so Finlay was sure that if Murdoch learned he was back in the clan, well, all of his hopes with Anne would go up in smoke. The thugs hadn’t seen him just yet, so he thoughthe was safe. However, the longer he stayed nearby the more likely they were to spot him. While he wanted to spend more time with Anne, he didn’t want to endanger her, nor did he want his identity revealed to her.
He turned towards her, turning his back to the thugs.
“Anne, I hae some urgent business tae attend tae.”
Her wide eyes, so filled with sorrow at this news, her look was almost enough to break his wretched heart. It took all of his self-control to not glance over his shoulder towards Murdoch’s thugs. He could feel an itch on the back of his neck, the heat of paranoia. There was a drumbeat too and for a moment he mistook it for their footsteps coming towards him, their gnarled fingers reaching out to subdue him. He shuddered and composed himself, not wishing to give anything away.
“Oh, I was hoping tae spend the rest of the day taegether,” she batted her eyelashes. How sweet she was, how uncomplicated her life must have been. She was so sheltered she probably could not comprehend that Finlay might have been lying to her. Deceit did not enter the mind of a woman such as her, and he felt like such a scoundrel for taking advantage of her good nature. But if he was to redeem himself then these desperate measures were needed. He tried to convince himself that he had not lied to her at all, at least not completely. But even a lie of omission was a sin, and he feared that all the things he had neglected to tell her would come to the fore, and would she look at him as sweetly then? No, it was likely that she would look at him with disgust and contempt as so many others had, turning their shoulders to shun him, treating him like an outcast even when he had protested his innocence.
This time, he supposed, he would deserve it, and yet the sentence would be worse, because he wouldn’t just be exiled from the clan, but from Anne’s heart. The twinge of guilt told him to walk away from her and save her from the mess that was his life, but he could not. The kiss had sealed his fate. Their embrace had drawn him in and now, like a fly snared in a spider’s web, he could not break free, even though he told himself that he was still in control, that this was still a part ofhisplan.
“I will come and find ye later. We shall dine at the tavern and while the evening away. We can listen tae the minstrels as they play and we can sing tae their merry tunes, and perhaps ye will even entertain me with a dance as well,” he wore his most charming smile, a smile that had won the favor of many girls before. But with Anne, the anticipation in his eyes was genuine.
“I look forward tae it,” she inclined her head and offered her hand for him to kiss again. He touched the outside of her palm with his lips, but longed to welcome her in a ravishing embrace as they had enjoyed in the forest. The village was not the place for this, however. He had to keep his instincts shackled. He watched her leave, her hips swaying in a mesmerizing rhythm like the reeds on a river bank in summer. He exhaled slowly, wishing that he did not have to live this lie. Things would have been far simpler if he was the son of a Laird and could offer Anne the riches she deserved.
He turned away quickly, slaloming through the crowd to avoid the attention of Murdoch’s men, only breathing easily when he was out of sight. He wandered back to his makeshift home in the forest, idly tugging at rubbery leaves as he passed them. Bracken cracked under his boots and the birds were witnesses to his plaintive sighs. He settled at his camp and checked hisremaining stash of gold. Buying the dagger for Anne had left him shorter than he had expected, and he hoped that she would not give him too many more surprises like this. Still, her uncle would soon arrive in the keep and then she would be able to pay him back. Hopefully, the man would be too busy to meet him, as he might have more of a discerning eye than Anne herself, who was blinded by the hopes that plagued the romantic heart of a young woman and allowed men like Finlay to twist affection to his own ends. But it was his own heart that was stabbed with the sweet, honeyed delight. When thoughts of her drifted through his mind he did not think of ways in which he could take advantage of her, rather he thought of her fiery kisses and the way her strands of hair cascaded around his fingers, how her body pressed perfectly against his, as though they had been made for each other. He touched his lips as he recalled the moment when her warm breath had washed over his mouth, and something twitched inside him as he remembered the look deep in her eyes, a look that shook him to his very core.
He swallowed a lump in his throat and he looked to the distance, feeling as though his world had been turned upside down because of her. He dabbed his forehead, wiping away beads of sweat. The smart thing to do would be to stay away from the village while Murdoch’s men were creeping around, as that was the only way Finlay could guarantee his safety. However, that would mean staying away from Anne as well, and while he was capable of many things, this was not one of them. No, even now he felt less of himself, as though something was missing. His skin itched and his eyes darted about furtively, wishing that she was beside him again. Somehow the world seemed brighter when she was nearby, as though she was the sun spreading radiant dawn across the world. What a blessing she was for arogue like him, and how sorry he would be when it came time to tell her the truth and break her heart.
11
Anne was disappointed that Finlay had business to attend to, but she supposed that the son of a Laird had many pressing matters. It would at least give him a chance to miss her. As she returned to the tavern she smoothed down her hair and dress, blushing a little as she passed all these strangers who had no idea how close she had come to giving Finlay everything precious that she possessed.
Anne knew how coveted a girl’s virtue was. Many of the men she had courted—and she used this term loosely—had often spoken about her virtue, eager to conquer it. She was under no illusions that in time she would probably be forced to give it to some rough husband who could offer her and Rory shelter. Just for once she wanted to do something for herself, to experience some true pleasure that was untainted. The moment with Finlay had been such a moment of purity, a moment where they had been guided by nothing other than their feelings, where everything had seemed right. The attraction she felt towards him was total and whole. It seized her entire being, and she had been willing to fling herself towards it with abandon.
But Finlay had resisted. She was still perturbed by the notion that he was a true gentleman, or perhaps he was just being careful. After all, if they slept together then she might be able to tie him to a promise. Men could be snared, and some were more guarded than others. However, she believed him when he said that he wanted to protect her future. It was rare for her to come across a man who had her best interests at heart, and it only deepened her feelings for him, and ironically made her want to sleep with him more.
She returned to find Rory sitting in the tavern, waiting for her with a solemn look on his face.
“I saw ye gae off with him. I was nae gaeing tae follow,” he said. He brightened when she produced the dagger.
