You will never know how much it meant to me, Lucy. Before you, I was so lonely. I could not see any brightness on the horizon, only a storm. But you came into my life like the sun and I… I almost cannot bear to leave ye. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. I wish my family were still alive to meet you. I wish that we could have the life that is so beautiful in my mind, but we cannot. All I can do is give you a chance to be close with your family again. I know your father is difficult, but you should give him a chance. I would give anything to be close to mine again.
I have left the forge to Rory, so you will still have a friend in the village. Please know that I do this because I love you and that it’s the only way to keep you safe. I could not live with myself if anything happened to you. Peace be with you, and thank you. You have made me feel something I thought was lost a long time ago. You have made me feel reborn.
Ian
Some of the words were blurred, and Lucy realized he must have been crying when writing it. She read it over and over again, thinking about him penning the letter, all alone. He seemed destined to be alone. Lucy held the parchment tightly to her breast and wept terribly, knowing that the last few days had been a gift to her, and to himself. For a short time, he had allowed himself to live the life he knew he could never have. He must have planned this days ago, she realized. It explained the shift in his mood, the arguments with Rory. It was maddening that Ian had kept this a secret from her.
Through the tears, shone something radiant. Her inner strength grew, and she blinked away the sorrow, feeling a rising courage taking hold of her. Ian had taken it upon himself to do this for her, but she had never asked him. She had never once said that she couldn’t endure the hardships of life that were going to be before her. He had done this all by himself without consulting her.
She slowly rose from the bed, unfolding her limbs and opening the door. Rory was sitting at the table, hunched over his letter, a grim look on his face. Ginger was walking in between his legs. He looked up at Lucy.
“I cannae believe he’s really gone,” Rory said.
Lucy joined him at the table and slammed her letter down. “He left tae save us. He wants me tae return tae the keep and blame the theft on him, and he expects ye tae support my words. He is eager tae brand himself a thief. He hae sacrificed his own freedom for our own.”
Rory shook his head and gasped in dismay. “But he’s a fool! Why dinnae he talk tae us about this first?”
“Because he hae been alone for tae long. He knew that we would never let him leave.”
“It should nae hae come tae this. I should nae hae argued with him… I should hae been a better apprentice.”
Lucy took Rory’s hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “Ye were the best apprentice he could hae hoped for, Rory. This forge meant everything tae him, and he left it tae ye. He must be confident that it’s in safe hands. But he hae forgotten that he dinnae get tae make decisions for us. He cannae just expect us tae dae exactly as he says.”
Rory raised his head, looking across at her, a sad look in his eyes. Lucy’s eyes were steely, however, and she was filled with a resolve that could not be broken.
“What are ye thinking?” he asked.
“I’m thinking that I dinnae wish tae return tae the keep, that if there is a life for me tae live, then I want tae live it with Ian. He dinnae realize that I am nae free unless I can be with him. I cannae just let him walk away, Rory. I need tae find him. I am nae gaeing tae let him drag himself intae misery. I am nae gaeing tae accept that I hae seen him for the last time. I feel tae much for that. Dae ye know how many men I hae passed up tae be my husband because I dinnae love them? Well, I am nae gaeing tae pass him up,” her words thrummed with determination and she became possessed by a strong spirit, eyes gleaming with a ferocious sense of destiny.
20
“But he would nae want ye tae put yerself in danger. The whole reason he left was tae keep ye safe,” Rory said, gesturing towards the letter. Lucy pushed her chair back and rose abruptly, pacing around the room, flinging her hands into the air.
“And what is life without a wee bit of danger? I know what it’s like tae live behind strong walls, tae hae everything decided for me. Da saw tae that my entire life. I am nae gaeing tae hae my future decided by someone else. I chose tae leave the keep knowing that it would be dangerous. I risked everything for my freedom, and I’m nae gaeing tae return there now, nae when Ian is still out there. Any life would just be a shadow of happiness without him, and he is sae lost in his own pain that he cannae see there is a way forward for us both. Wherever he is, I will find him, and I will show him that we can be together. Dae ye hae any idea where he might hae gone?”
Rory frowned and placed his hand under his chin. He thought deeply. “He never left the village. He barely left the forge. This place was so important to him. He spoke about his youth here a lot.”
“Was there anywhere else he mentioned? Perhaps there was another place that meant a lot tae him,” Lucy thought, trying to coax out a memory. It may have just been a passing comment that Ian made while working in the forge, the words lost to the sounds of hammering. Then again, Ian had always been tight-lipped, and she feared that it would mean that he was beyond her reach. Still, if she had to comb over the entire Highlands for the rest of her life to find him, then she would, for she had never wanted anything more than she wanted him. He had touched her deeply, intimately, profoundly, and the love that burned inside could not be easily diminished. Many men had passed before her, each one never seeming right, never seeming to fit. Then, out of nowhere, this brash blacksmith, rough around the edges and coarse in his manner, had managed to woo her.
If love was worth anything, she was not going to let him ride away and make this sacrifice.
After spending some time deep in thought, Rory snapped his fingers. “Aye, there was a place he mentioned once or twice. It’s the coast. He said that his mother is from a village there, near Giant’s Hook.”
Giant’s Hook was named for the rocky formation that stretched out to the sea. It looked as though a hook had been planted in the ground, and nearby a settlement had formed. Lucy knew how important Ian’s mother was to him, and if he wasn’t there, it was at least a good place to start. Lucy gathered some essential supplies, while Rory found an old, crude map that pointed the way. He thrust some coins into her hand, and then said that he was going to get a horse ready, too.
“Nae, ye should stay here. This is where ye belong. This is yer forge,” Lucy said.
“But I cannae let ye ride out there alone,” Rory said.
Lucy gave him a firm smile. “I will be fine, Rory, I promise. If ye leave this forge unattended, then someone else may seize it. Ye should dae what ye dae best, be a blacksmith. Honor Ian. I will write tae ye when I find him. This is nae the last ye will see of me, but ye need tae protect what he left ye. Besides, if ye leave, who is gaeing tae feed Ginger?” As Lucy said this, the cat mewed, as if agreeing with her.
Rory reluctantly accepted the logic of her point. Lucy gave him a tight hug and then rushed outside, her cloak billowing as she mounted the horse and rode in a westerly direction. The map was rolled up in her pocket, but she had committed the route to memory. She bent low and clenched her jaw in determination, vowing to not stop until she saw Ian’s face again. She would search forever if she had to, through the wind and rain, through storms of winter and the summer heat, never stopping, never relenting, because her love would not allow it.
* * *
She had leftwhen dusk rolled into night. She followed the path as best she could, but the moon was a crescent and did not offer much aid. Occasionally, she lost it and had to double back. The wind was cold, as if the entire world was warning her to turn back, but she would not listen. She gripped the reins tightly. She focused her eyes on the dark horizon, peering through the shadows, waiting to see him again. Stars glittered above in the inky blackness and she prayed that she would not fall foul of rogue bandits, or the howling wolves she could hear in the distance.
It was a long night, a night filled with misdirection and false paths, but eventually morning came and she could make up for lost time. She could smell the brine in the air as she drew closer to the coast, and occasionally, she could see the endless sea reaching out into eternity. She had no time to admire the beauty of the world, though, for she was on a mission. If Ian did not end up in Giant’s Hook, then she would have to travel up and down the coast, asking after him, hoping that he had made himself known to taverns and merchants. It might be an endless, hopeless search, but better to spend her life searching for him than to live it alone, or worse, with another man. Nobody else could compare with him, and she wasn’t about to abandon her future because Ian didn’t think he was worthy of being a husband. He was too hard on himself for what he had done. Saying that she had awakened something in him was all well and good, but the same was true in the reverse! She had never known feelings like this. The stirrings of love and desire were familiar things now, but only because Ian had caused them to drift around her soul. How could she ever waste them on another man?
