“What about you?” he asked.
She shrugged. “There is nothing much to tell. My mother had a lot of miscarriages before me, so I am the treasured only child. I come from a happy family with many aunts, uncles, and cousins. That is my life in a nutshell.” She smiled broadly. “I am a fortunate woman.”
He gazed at her for a moment.
“You are so beautiful when you smile,” he said, the words unbidden and clumsy. He stuttered on, making it worse. “I mean, you are beautiful the rest of the time too, but especially when you smile.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, smiling even more widely. “Why are you so embarrassed to give a woman a compliment, Alastair?”
He made a funny little face. “Because it always comes out wrong and I always sound clumsy,” he laughed sheepishly. “I am not good with ladies.”
He avoided her eyes as he spoke, and she realized that this was yet another side of Alastair. Gone was the confident, authoritative face he showed to everyone else. He was that person too, of course, but she was seeing a part of the inner man, the tender and occasionally uncertain one.
“I think that is a misconception on your part,” she observed. “You are a strong and handsome man. Ladies would flock to you if you gave them a chance.”
He reined Rory in, and sat still for a moment, then turned back to her.
“You and my sister have been discussing me, I suppose?” he asked, his tone angry but resigned.
“As you say, Ava and I are close now,” Caitlyn replied. “We do discuss you, but nothing we say leaves her room. I swear to you.”
“So you know about Kirstine?” His voice was sad.
“Yes, I do.” Her voice was low and soothing. “Do you think that her memory will stay with you forever? Will you never give anyone else a chance?”
“Caitlyn, I am quite sure that you are a kind woman,” he said slowly, “but my broken heart is...it used to be painful, but now I am furious to think I let someone treat me that way, and embarrassed that I was too blind to see it. As I ran down the hill towards her that night I knew what I was going to find, but seeing it was worse than I could ever have imagined. This was the woman that I loved more than myself locked in the arms of another man. She screamed as I pulled him off her, and after that I remember very little.
“I punched that man so many times and beat him so severely that I was surprised to hear he was still alive afterwards. I expected to be punished, maybe even hanged, but I never was. I think the man himself was so universally disliked that no one cared.” He paused. “I sent Kirstine to a convent, and she became a nun, but I expect Ava told you that.”
“Yes, she did,” Caitlyn put a hand on his shoulder. “This was how long ago? Three years? Is there no lady who has touched your heart since then?”
“No,” he replied heavily. Even though he wanted Caitlyn to stay, and even though she attracted him, he was not yet ready to admit to himself that he loved her—if, indeed, he did. If he did that she could do what Kirstine had done, and he could not go through another such bruising encounter. He felt torn in two; one half of him wanted Caitlyn and the other half feared her.
“You and Ava are very alike,” she said sadly. “Both prisoners of your fear.”
He opened his mouth to yell at her, then closed it again, shaking his head.
“What is it about you that makes me so angry?” he asked softly. “And why do I enrage you too? Because I want to like you, and I do like you. Sometimes.”
“Perhaps we are too similar,” she sighed. “I think it is probably a good thing I am going home. We are becoming—”
“Enemies?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
“No, not that,” she replied. “Never that. We are just incompatible.” She felt awkward and uncomfortable, even though he had just shared some of the most intimate details of his life with her.
He looked at her lips as she spoke, and he was sorely tempted to lean over and kiss her, but he restrained himself.“Your father is here,” he said suddenly. “Shall we go?”
“You came to tell me my father was here?” she asked, her face lighting up.
“Yes,” he replied.
“So all that stuff about bandits was nonsense?” She was confused. “Why did you not tell me at once?”
“Because I wanted to talk to you for a while,” he replied frankly. “And there is always a danger. After what happened to Ava, I did not want to take any chances.”
“That was kind of you, thank you,” she replied, smiling. “Sometimes you surprise me, M’Laird!”
15
