14
Another Argument
Caitlyn had decided to take one of the castle’s biggest horses, a stallion called Billy, out for a ride, since their previous excursion had been cut short. Being in the saddle always gave Caitlyn great pleasure, since she was an expert horsewoman, but it was also the place where she did her best thinking.
She was beginning to feel as if the walls of the castle were closing in on her. Everyone seemed to need her for something, especially her mother and Ava, and she was tired of putting everyone else’s needs first.
She had decided not to think about Alastair today. She was sick of him, sick of arguing with him, and sick of hearing him apologizing all the time. She could not wait to get away, but before she did she had decided to take a morning of freedom without asking anyone’s permission.
After a bout of inclement weather, it was a glorious day, and she decided that she would head down to the little loch where she had found Pinky, stop there for a while, and amble back to the castle. She had nothing to do and all the time in the world to do it in, so she proceeded at a leisurely trot, raising her face to the sun and holding her arms out like sails to catch the breeze.
As always, the beauty of the Highland landscape soothed her spirits with its bright swathes of color and its tinkling burns. Sometimes she thought that Scotland must be the nearest place to heaven on Earth, and suddenly she felt a great surge of love for this small, fierce, but beautiful place that she was proud to call home.
Just as she was thinking about all these glorious things she heard the hoofbeats behind her, and she turned to see Alastair coming towards her at a furious gallop.
Oh no!she thought.What is he going to complain about now?
He was still a couple of hundred yards away but even from that distance she could see the fury on his face, and at once, her own anger rose to meet it. He reined in his horse beside her, but before he could say a word, she went on the attack.
“Can you give me no peace?” she yelled. “All I wanted was a few minutes of time to breathe the fresh air and be alone for a while. Is that too much to ask?”
He stared at her, enraged, for a moment, then forced himself to calm down. Since he had met her he had become accustomed to calming himself down by sheer willpower when dealing with this strong-willed woman.
“The bandits who attacked my sister might still be out here, Caitlyn,” he reminded her. His tone was one of barely-controlled fury. “I can assure you that if they caught you they would give you even less peace than I have. I understand that it is frustrating to be cooped up all the time, but it is better than being dead, and I have better things to do than chase all over Scotland looking for you!”
She glared at him with fury, mostly because she realized that he was right. Coming out on her own had been a reckless and foolhardy thing to do, and she felt ashamed that she had brought him all the way out into the wilderness to rescue her from possible danger. She nodded. “I’m sorry, you are right.” Her tone was conciliatory. “It was a silly thing to do.”
They avoided each others’ eyes as they turned the horses, then rode on in silence for a short while.
“May I make a bargain with you?” he asked, smiling at her.
She frowned. “What is it?”
“Can we stop saying sorry to each other?” he laughed. “It is almost every second word now!”
She grinned ruefully. “Yes, we must,” she replied with a sigh. “Never mind, I will soon be gone, but I will try to keep my mouth shut till then.”
“And I will do likewise,” he replied. He slowed Rory down to a walk. “Ava will be sad to see you go. She has become very fond of you.”
“I have become fond of her too. I will miss her,” Caitlyn said sadly. “She is a good person, and a good friend.”
“Would you consider staying a while longer for her?” he asked, trying to make his tone as casual as possible, because although he was concerned for Ava, he wanted Caitlyn’s company himself. He wanted it quite desperately.
It was the last thing she expected him to say. She thought about it for a long moment then shook her head. “No. I have to get back home. I have two friends being married in the next few weeks and I have been invited to both their weddings. But thank you.”
“That is a great pity.” His tone was regretful, and he sighed. “You were the only one able to coax Ava out of her bedroom. You have been very good for her, Caitlyn.”
“She has been good for me too,” Caitlyn smiled.
“She never really had a proper childhood,” Alastair said wistfully. Our mother died of smallpox when we were both very young, and Ava can barely remember her. I was much older—twelve—and I can remember the dimples in her cheeks, and putting my fingers into them.
“She taught me how to plait her hair when I asked, even though she said it was a girl’s job,” he laughed. “She used to tickle me mercilessly, and make up stories for Ava and me. The day she died was the day my childhood ended, because my father did not care about us. He was incapable of love, except love of himself. He was a drinker and a gambler, and he used to bring a certain kind of woman into the house occasionally. I was very young, but I knew what those women did for a living.
“The estate went to rack and ruin, till it was almost bankrupt, then my father died. During a drunken race with some of his stupid friends, he fell off his horse and was trampled to death. I was only eighteen, and I had no idea of how to keep things going, but then a miracle happened. My mother’s brother, my Uncle Charles, came to the funeral, and was horrified at what he saw. He took charge; he showed me how to run the farms, pay the accounts, and generally get the castle and its lands back into shape. It has been a long hard journey, but I am eternally grateful to him.”
“Do you still keep in touch with him?” she asked.
“He died.” Alastair’s voice was flat and heavy. “Diphtheria. He could have been a second father to us. I feel so sorry for Ava, because I have not had the time or the disposition to introduce her into society where she can meet suitable young men. She should be married.” Abruptly, he sighed, shook his head as if to clear it, and smiled at her.
