64
Once Jenny had set off to see about a new place to live, Karen decided to make the most of a quiet afternoon to herself.
She was nestled comfortably on the couch with the latest John Grisham novel – legs sprawled across the coffee table and a packet of half-eaten biscuits alongside her – when she heard the doorbell ring.
Suspecting it was Jenny returning early from a cancelled appointment or an unsuccessful viewing, she let out a theatrical exaggerated sigh, expecting her friend to hear. But when Karen opened the door, she got a shock. Standing in her doorway and looking uncomfortable, was none other than Nellie Quinn.
“Hello,” Shane’s mother said quietly. “Can I come in for a minute?”
Karen was so surprised to see her that she forgot to engage the menacing manner she typically affectedwhen dealing with any of the Quinn family. She and Nellie hadn’t spoken face-to-face in over a year.
She stood back to let the older woman come inside and immediately wished she hadn’t. As usual, whenever one of the Quinns came within ten yards, the house was like the aftermath of a hurricane.
Jenny had left a selection of clean babygros drying on one arm of the couch, a pair of used mugs sat on the coffee table and the floor was littered with toys – stuff that Jenny had insisted Karen leave for her to tidy once she got back.
Nellie for once didn’t comment on the mess and seemed too preoccupied with whatever was on her mind to notice that the dust on top of the television was nearly an inch thick.
Now she turned to face her. “About this ‘thing’,” she began, obviously referring to the court case. “I’d like to talk to you about it.”
Karen’s instincts sharpened and her hackles rose. “Fire away,” she said, folding her arms defensively across her chest.
“Do you mind if I sit down?” Nellie asked wearily.
Nodding, Karen perched across from her on the edge of Shane’s armchair and waited, arms still folded.
“I don’t know how to begin, really,” the older woman said. “I suppose I just want to tell you that I’m sorry.”
Sorry?The very last thing she expected to hear from Nellie was ‘sorry’.
“Sorry for the way we’ve treated you since …well, since we lost poor old Shane.”
Karen’s mind began to race and her brain clicked into overdrive. What was Nellie trying to do? Was this some kind of trick to get her to back down?
The older woman exhaled. “You see we didn’t – well, I supposeIdidn’t truly appreciate what you were going through. I think it’s fair to say that you and I never really saw eye to eye. Somehow I always saw you as a spoilt little rap trying to play house with my son.”
“Now hold on a minute … ” Karen began, but Nellie interrupted her with a slow shake of the head.
“I’m sorry, that came out wrong. What I mean is that back then I saw only what I wanted to see. Shane was the baby of the house and – I suppose I might as well admit it – my favourite. Jack was and still is, very independent and the girls – well, you know yourself, girls are different.” She removed her glasses and smiled then – a real smile that softened her features and displaced her typically brittle countenance. “It wasn’t that Shane was a Mammy’s boy,” she continued. “It’s just that I could never quite picture him all grown-up and with a wife too. I knew he had lots of girlfriends growing up, but when he met you, it was different. You were the one he wanted for the long haul and it broke my heart, to be honest.”
She gave a short laugh and Karen didn’t know whether to be insulted or touched.
“I know this will be hard for you to understand, but I would never have expected Shane taking up with a girl like you – now don’t take that the wrong way,” she added, putting a hand up. “What I mean is that I alwaysimagined him with a quiet little thing, afraid to say boo to a goose – or more to the point, to me. But you were nothing like that. You were never afraid to speak your mind and you never left us in any doubt about your feelings on marriage, kids or otherwise. You had everything, a good education, your own career and a strong will, and to be perfectly honest, I felt … threatened by you, I suppose. After a while, everything became a battle between us. It was always you versus ourselves – Shane’s family. I’ve thought about it a lot and told myself that I don’t know how it happened – but now I think I do. You won’t like to hear this, but you remind me a lot of myself when I was a young one.”
Without meaning to, Karen snorted.
“Oh I know what you’re thinking,” Nellie chuckled, “but I’m not wrong. You and I are so stubborn that between the two of us, we could torment the Dalai Llama.” She laughed and this time Karen had to smile. “And I couldn’t tolerate it. I couldn’t stomach someone getting the better of me, particularly when it came to my boy. And I know I’m not the only mother who doesn’t see eye-to-eye with her daughter-in-law – sure, there have been many tomes written about that very struggle.” She paused. “But when Shane died, I didn’t reach out to you and I should have. For some reason, I was never able to imagine that you were as bereft as I was, maybe even more so, since you lost the man you were supposed to marry. I never pictured you grieving for him the way I did and I was angry and upset when I heard you weren’tgoing to the funeral. I wasn’t able to put myself in your shoes, but I should’ve pet. Because I knew only too well what it was like to lose my Patrick.” Her eyes glistened as she stared across the room at nothing in particular.
“When Shane’s father passed, he took a big piece of me with him. If he were here now he’d probably tell you he wished the piece he had taken was my sharp tongue.” Nellie chuckled softly. “Anyway over time you and I had built up this wall between us, and after Shane’s death and all this business with this house, it became higher.”
Karen nodded wordlessly, still wondering where this was going.
“Pet, I was at the cemetery the other day too,” Nellie confessed. She saw the shadow cross Karen’s face but continued when she said nothing. “I go up there a lot. It’s a nice walk and very peaceful – a welcome break from the farmhouse, especially if Marie’s youngsters are around,” she chuckled. “Anyway, a good friend of mine is laid to rest across the way and I said I’d pay her a quick visit before heading over to Patrick and Shane. I was in the middle of a decade of the rosary when I saw you come up the hill. I knew you hadn’t seen me and I was making my way over to you, fully intending to give you a piece of my mind for deigning to visit when I knew you rarely did.”
“But it isn’t that I don’t care …” Karen blurted, unable to hold her counsel any longer.
“I know that pet,” Nellie soothed. “I discovered that when I overheard you chatting to him. I didn’t intend toeavesdrop but I was glad I did because it was only then that I could get it into my thick skull that you loved Shane just as much as any of us.” She removed her glasses again and dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.
Karen fixed her with a look of utter disbelief.
