Later, Mike sat with a distraught Aidan as he tried to cope with coming upon the tragic crash that had wiped out his best friend.
While Jenny tried in vain to support Karen through the hardest night she would surely ever experience.
50
The following morning, Jenny cobbled together some breakfast. Karen hadn’t reappeared since retiring the night before, and Jenny hoped that she’d been able to get some sleep.
She managed to catch a few hours herself on the sofa once Aidan and the others had gone home. Mike had since left for the office, despite his protests to stay, but she insisted he carry on.
It still didn’t seem real to Jenny, not at least until Tessa and Gerry arrived. A banner headline on that morning’s newspaper announced that Shane and the other driver were respectively the eighty-sixth and eighty-seventh road accident victims that year. Emblazoned beneath was a colour shot of Shane’s beloved Astra, the car’s chassis bent and twisted beyond recognition.
“How is she?” Tessa asked through tears as she enveloped Jenny in a hug.
“I’m so worried about her. She hasn’t come out of her bedroom or spoken a word since it happened.”
“She’s still in shock, God love her.”
“I know, but I wish she’d do something – cry, scream, kick the walls, justsomething.”
“She probably has – in her mind even,” Gerry said softly from behind his wife. “Everyone copes differently.”
“I know, I just wish I could do something,” Jenny said filling the kettle. “I don’t know how many times I’ve been up, but she still doesn’t want to talk.”
She heard the landline ring and went out to answer it, leaving Tessa and Gerry sitting quietly at the kitchen table. The caller was Jack Quinn letting them know about the funeral arrangements, which would take place in Meath.
Jenny smarted at his brusque tone, or the fact that the family hadn’t consulted or included Karen in any of it. But from what she’d heard about the Quinns so far, it didn’t surprise her.
And maybe Karen didn’t want to be included.
She went upstairs to impart the information to her friend and knocked softly on the bedroom door, but there was no answer.
Trying the handle, she entered to find the room in darkness, and Karen lying on the bed with her eyes wide open staring at the ceiling.
“I’m not going,” was all she said.
“Honey – ”
“I’m not going,” Karen repeated, an edge to her tone. “I heard you downstairs talking about …” she winced, “about the funeral, and I’m not going. Don’t try to change my mind because you’ll be wasting your time.”
With that she turned onto her side, facing away.
Jenny sat down on edge of the bed and put a tentative hand on her shoulder. “I have no idea how you’re feeling. I can’t even begin to imagine and it’s entirely up to you what you want to do. But don’t you think that Shane would want you there?”
“No,” she answered simply.
“I know this is so hard but–”
“No, you don’t know!” Karen shrieked, jerking back suddenly, her eyes wild with grief. “Do you know what I did yesterday morning when he was leaving for work? He came in here to kiss me goodbye. I groaned and turned away, annoyed at him for waking me up. Imagine? It was the last time he would ever kiss me and I turned away because I was too damned lazy to care.The very last time.”
“But you couldn’t possibly have known … ” Jenny knew it was pointless trying to soothe her – Karen was in full flight.
“And then yesterday I left a message on his phone, nagging him to hurry up with the takeaway. ‘Don’t forget the spring rolls.’ Can you believe that?Don’t forget thefucking spring rolls! That was the last thing I said to Shane. The very last thing! I didn’t tell him I loved him or that I missed him or that he was the most important thing in the world to me. I just said something so fucking … trivial!” She thrashed on the bed, thumping her fists onthe covers. “If only I could go back and say one last thing…”
“But you couldn’t have known – ”
“And when he was mangled in that crash, maybe still alive and crying out for help even, I was sitting here annoyed with him for being late and impatient for my bloody dinner. What sort of a person does that make me, Jenny? Why am I the one still here and he’s gone? How is that fair?”
“That’s not the way it works, pet.”
