“Because I think you’re fucking exceptional. Everyone in our family got to where they were by pretending to be something they weren’t. But not you. You never had to pretend to get people to love you. The only thing that ever held you back was you thinking you weren’t good enough.” His jaw set. “You might be content to sit and play the long con, but I’m not. Think of it as me accelerating the process so you don’t get stalled by your devaluation of yourself.”
“You told me it didn’t matter.”
“It didn’t then. Our parents were never going to let us outshine them. But things are different now. I can help you and Iwantto.”
A warm breeze ruffled their hair. Jay could smell the dusty sweet smell of the sun-dried grass and the crisp mineral bite of the earth itself. “Why?” she asked, suddenly needing to hear it.
“Because I love you.”
Jay stopped walking. His face was solemn—at least, she thought it was. She reached up and carefully removed his sunglasses, folding them into the neck of his shirt as she looked up into his familiar eyes with their shrunken pupils.
“I’m not sure I’m a good fit for this position.”
He stepped closer, and Jay felt the rough bark of a tree dig into her bare back. She wasn’t sure which of them initiated the kiss, but it was her hand fisted around his shirt, and in the thin, galaxy leggings, she could feel just about all of him riding up between her thighs.
“You’re a great fit,” he said.
“Nick.” Her forehead rested lightly against his as she spoke reproachfully, willing him to understand. “You can’t fuck me into this job.”
“I can coach Arthur on what to say.” He pushed back against her, driving her back against the trunk with his hips. “I can coach you, too. And I still have enough influence with this company that if I make my preference known, the hiring team will pick whoever I want to keep me happy.”
Jay took his hand off her hip and felt a flicker of defeated amusement when he pinned it over her head instead. “This is so fucked up.”
“What?” The words burned against her lips.
“Us. This. You trying to twist the arm of your hiring managers to get me promoted, and us LARPing through our parental abandonment issues with sex.”
“But it’s such good sex.”
Jay shoved at him with her elbow. “I call my stepbrotherDaddy. That’s not normal.”
“So? Embrace it. Send me a father’s day card next time youfuck my brains out. ‘Thank you, Daddy, for always giving me that good dick. I love taking your big cock until I’m sore. Thanks for all the orgasms. Love, Jay.’”
Jay stared at him in horror, a rusty sound escaping her before she doubled over, laughing so hard that it almost hurt because she couldn’t stop. She was aware of Nicholas releasing her arm as she bowed forward, her face pressed against his chest. She felt it heave in surprise.
“Jay, it was just a joke.” He sounded concerned.
“No.” She pulled back, still wheezing. “Oh my god. No, that’s . . . so sick. Not funny.”
Nicholas studied her face, his smirk slowly returning. “Seems like you thought it was pretty fucking funny.”
“Only because it’s so awful.” Jay straightened her clothes and wiped at her eyes. “God.Whydo I end up crying every time we come out here? I hate it.”
“Because you’re so used to being everyone’s perfect little angel that you hold everything in until you break.”
She eyed him. “I’m not perfect, Nicholas.”
“Yeah, I know. But that doesn’t stop you from throwing yourself up against that wall. In case you hadn’t noticed, that’s kind of your thing, blue jay. Punishing yourself.”
A branch snapped somewhere nearby. Jay hopped back unsteadily, breathing in a lungful of dusty, pollen-laden air, not realizing how stiff all her limbs had become. “I don’t punish myself,” she said hotly.
“Yes, you do.” He swatted at a horsefly. “You set yourself up for failure on purpose so you can tell yourself you never had a chance when you’re disappointed.”
“Thanks, Dr. Nick. What about you? You have enoughbaggage to fill an entire airport.”
He grinned again, revealing boyish dimples. “You’re so cute when you’re mad at me.”
“Oh wow,” she said. “That’s not problematic.”
