“You don’t like it when I’m in control.”
Nicholas laughed at that, which made her angry.
“I like nice guys. I only ever dated nice guys before you.”
“You’re a mean drunk, blue jay. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“I like nice guys,” she repeated, like a dare. “I like the way they fuck me.”
The mattress creaked ominously. When he wrapped his hand around her throat, she heard herself make a sharp, thin noise as he leaned over her, his dark hair throwing his eyes intoshadow.
“No.” His thumb stroked over her suddenly frantic pulse. “I don’t think you do.”
Oh, she thought, head swimming.I like this.
“You like that, Jay?” It was as if she’d spoken aloud. Maybe she had. He gave her neck a squeeze and she wasn’t even sure she was breathing anymore, she was so turned on. “Is that what nice girls like when they’re getting fucked by their nice boyfriends?”
“No,” said Jay.
“No, it isn’t,” he agreed. “Because you don’t want to be fucked by nice guys. You want to be fucked by me.”
“Yes,” Jay whispered. “Fuck me, Daddy.”
He stared down at her. She couldn’t quite make out his expression in the dark but she could feel his erection digging into her hip. When his hand flexed, just grazing her nape, she had to repress a shudder.
“Fuck me.Please. I want you to.”
“Jesus,” he said, taking his hand away with a hiss. “Fuck.”
Jay stared, vaguely incredulous, as he turned back to the wall. Her heart was still pounding. She could still feel the bite of his fingers in her skin. Jay put her hand on his bicep and he jerked, as if he were going to shrug her off. “Nick?” her voice came out small.
He didn’t respond and she felt a lick of fear.
(alone)
“Da—”
“Don’t,” he snarled. “Don’t test my control. Not right now.”
“But I—” Tears formed in her eyes and she let her hand fall.“I’m sorry.”
“I bet you are.” When he sighed, there was a hint of a growl in it. “Go to sleep, Jay.”
She rolled on her other side, aware of his big body at her back. It made her feel safe in a way that none of her first few nights back in the city had been, and when she dreamed, they were absent of nightmares. Or she thought they were.
Her eyes snapped open and it felt like the tight knot in her belly had sprouted thorns that had worked their prickling way throughout her entire body. Her head was throbbing and the darkness was spinning.Nick, she thought, looking around wildly. And then,Where am I?
Her half-packed up room popped into recognition just as she became aware of Nicholas breathing heavily beside her. The bed was moving—that must have been what had woken her up. He had slipped his cock from his shorts and was jerking himself off, arching into his own hand with an urgency that was frightening because she recognized the cadence.
He fucks me like that, when he can’t wait, she thought, and a dull throb went through her belly.
Eyes squeezed shut, he was making sounds in his throat. They were guttural and muted. So much so that she didn’t immediately recognize that most of them were her own name.
???????
Nicholas didn’t bring up what had happened the next morning, which relieved Jay. She felt terribly embarrassed about drunkenly begging him for sex, and even though she couldn’t remember the exact exchange of words between them, she recalled the blind wanting, and how cold his rejection of her hadfelt after feeling the weight of his large hand around her throat.
God, the way he’d been touching himself afterwards—
