Nothing is wrong.
She went to the dinners and wore the dresses that Odessa lent her. She conversed with the strange family that her sister had married into. She pretended. Oh, god, she pretended.
Because it was starting to feel like her life might depend on it.
Corrine and Nathaniel were rarely present, at least. When they weren’t running about in their charity circles, Nathaniel was often away on business trips (“he’s an investor,” Odessa said, when Nadine asked), and Corrine shut herself up in the rooms to which only her husband possessed a key. Their presence added additional tension to the black-and-white dining room, which already felt like a minefield even without them there, so Nadine did not miss them.
Cal was also often away. Meeting with clients, or so he said. But Nadine had the impression that it was her he was avoiding. Something had changed that day, when he had dressed her wounds. She had the feeling that he had been trying to tell her something important and her inability to understand had angered him. He had come so close to losing control. She had never seen him look so uncomposed.
Nadine had gone over that conversation over and over, not quite able to pinpoint where it all had gone wrong. Her remark about it being his father’s castle seemed to have irritated him, but those had been his words.
In the garden he’d told her he wasn’t the “marrying kind.” In his bedroom, he added that he was only looking for “catch and release.” Did he think she was trying to trap him into a relationship, using her sister’s disappearance as a foothold?
The idea was horrifying—because it suggested he saw her in a very low light. An opportunistic gold-digger with very little scruples. Thatsowas not her at all.
But she couldn’t figure out why he would drop that caustic reminder about his unwillingness to commit, followed by such an angry remark aboutowing.
Why did he think she owed him? Because he had taken her out to lunch? Shown her a few moments of basic human decency? Wasted his time? He was so aggressive with her sometimes that it was terrifying, and the thought of him keeping track of all their interactions in a ruthless game of metal calculus made her feel sick.
No, worse than that; it made her feel stupid.
(lots of girls around here have gone to bed crying over him)
She’d beenwarned.
Everyone had told her that Cal Cullraven was as dangerous to women as the ancestor from whom he’d inherited both his eyes and his name. She’d heard him called “heartbreaker” and “disgrace”: his great-grandfather’s spitting image.
She had been told all of that and she had chosen not to listen.
Part of her had been expecting better from him, and even though she had schooled herself in the inevitability of heartbreak, the reality of it still landed like an arrow in her breast every time she took her seat at that table and was confronted with his empty chair.
Are you surprised?that mean voice in her head whispered.Did you think he liked you?
At least Ben and Odessa were somewhat predictable.Ben plays for keeps, Cal had said, which she assumed was a slur against his staid regularity. Regardless, he was always in a better mood when Cal wasn’t there, and sometimes he was almost—niceto her.
Odessa, on the other hand, was only herself: she was fond of working the room until everyone was riled up, peppering people with cutting little jabs until they were burning from the sting.
“Where have you been going all day?” Odessa asked one evening, when it was just the three of them. “We’ve barely seen you at all—and Thomas said you haven’t been in your room.”
Nadine remembered her aunt sitting her down at twelve and saying,Honey, you have got to get a game face.“I’ve been exploring,” she said. “I’ve always loved the outdoors.”
“Hm. Well, as long as you’re notavoidingus.”
“What do you like about the outdoors?” Ben asked, regarding her calmly over his fist. His attention was absolute, and while she could see how that might appeal to someone like her sister, who wanted—needed—to be seen to feel loved, she could also see how that could quickly become terrifying. Especially if that keen observation started to make you feel like a lab specimen.
She looked down at her plate, at her half-eaten food. “The solitude, I guess? I like being alone without feeling lonely.”
“Are you lonely, Nadine?” Odessa asked, with all the gentleness of a silken noose.
Nadine swallowed and forced a smile. “Not anymore.”
“Good.” Ben cut his steak with a decisive stab at the meat that caused the knife to scrape against the china. “Because Cal has the unfortunate habit of leaving his cast-offs around as soon as he’s done playing with them.”
“You didn’t think you were the first, dear?” Odessa pressed lightly.
“N-no.” Nadine shook her head. “I’ve heard the rumors.”
Ben scoffed. “Normally, I’d tell you not to listen to them. But with Cal, sadly, most of what they say is true.”
