The Dominion member who called my name makes some official-sounding pronouncement about completing the assessment, but I'm not really listening. I just want to get out of here before my legs actually give out.
Lily finds me as the crowd disperses. She doesn't say anything, just puts my arm over her shoulder and helps me walk. We make it around the side of the training building before I have to stop and lean against the wall.
"That was insane," Lily says quietly. "Your hands are bleeding."
"I know."
"You should see the healer."
"I will." Another lie. I'm getting good at those.
Footsteps approaching make us both turn. Caspian appears around the corner, and his eyes go straight to me before flicking to Lily.
"Leave us," he says. Not a request.
Lily looks at me, her expression asking if I'm okay with this. I give her a small nod because whatever Caspian wants to say, I'd rather hear it without an audience. She squeezes my arm once and then she's gone, disappearing back around the building.
Caspian stops a few feet away. He's breathing like he ran to catch me, which doesn't make sense because he could have just walked. We're not that far from the platform.
"Why won't you quit?" He doesn't sound angry. He sounds genuinely confused, like I'm a puzzle he can't solve.
"Because fuck you."
The laugh that comes out of him is surprised and real, nothing calculated about it. "That's your reason?"
"It's a good enough reason."
He steps closer, close enough that I have to tilt my head back to maintain eye contact. "You should have failed that. Your body's fighting you. I can see it."
"I know."
"Do you?" He leans in slightly. "Do you actually know what's happening to you?"
"I'm sick. Or something. I don't know." The lie feels thin even as I say it.
He shakes his head slowly. "You're not sick." He reaches out and his hand catches my chin, tilting my face up so I can't look away. His grip is firm but careful, like he's aware of how much stronger he is than me. "Look at me."
I do. A low vibration starts in his chest, something between a purr and a warning. His nostrils flare. I can see the moment his control cracks slightly, can see his pupils dilate when he breathes in and catches my scent.
"You're in heat," he says, and his voice has gone rougher. "First one."
My stomach drops. I spent yesterday reading about this, learning what it meant, and I'd hoped maybe I was wrong. Maybe I'd misunderstood the symptoms. But hearing him say it out loud, hearing the certainty in his voice, makes it real in ways the book couldn't.
"You can smell it." Not a question. I already know the answer from what I read.
"Every unmated male within range can smell it." His thumb brushes against my jaw, just once, before he seems to catch himself. "That's why your body feels wrong. Your wolf is calling to its mates even though you haven't shifted yet."
I try to pull back but his hand won't let me. "I know what heat is. I read about it. I just didn't want to believe..."
"That it was real?" He releases my chin and steps back, putting space between us like it physically pains him to do it. "It's real. And it's making me fucking insane because you have no idea what your scent does to me."
He turns and walks away before I can find words to respond. I'm left standing there against the wall with my bleeding hands and my racing heart and the confirmation that what I read yesterday is absolutely true.
I'm in heat. Every unmated male can smell it. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I need to know more. The book I read yesterday gave me the basics but I need to understand what comes next, how long this will last, what I should expect. I need more information than the clinical overview I got from one chapter.
I push off the wall and head back to the library.
