The Academy library feels different in the afternoon light than it did yesterday when I was here alone and terrified. Now I'm just exhausted and determined. I go straight back to the same section, the same shelf, but this time I pull down three different books instead of just one.
I find the same table I used yesterday and spread the books out in front of me. The first book I'd read covered the basics. These go deeper.
One book focuses on mate bonds and recognition. I flip through until I find the relevant chapter and force myself to read even though my face is burning.
Mate recognition often occurs during a female's first heat, when biological compatibility becomes undeniable to both parties. The scent change acts as a beacon, drawing potential mates and triggering recognition responses in those with high compatibility. Multiple mate bonds are rare but possible incertain bloodlines, particularly those with Alpha genetics or ancient pack lineage.
Multiple mates. The book I read yesterday mentioned that in passing but this one goes into detail. I think about how Knox froze in the dining hall, how Caspian can't seem to stay away from me. Professor Harmon walking out without finishing breakfast. Even Nico with that look of longing on his face.
Four males. All reacting to me at the same time.
I flip to another section, looking for information about what happens next. The symptoms are laid out in clinical detail, matching what I read yesterday but with more specifics about the timeline.
Heat symptoms intensify over the first seventy-two hours, with peak occurring on day three. During peak heat, the biological urge to mate becomes overwhelming. Females are advised to remain in secure locations with trusted pack members, as the scent can trigger aggressive territorial behavior in unmated males, particularly those experiencing mate recognition.
Day three. I'm barely through day two and it's already unbearable. The book says three to five days total, which means even after the peak I'll still have at least another day of this, maybe two.
I close the book because I can't read anymore. Can't process what this means for the next few days. My hands are shaking and it's not from the pain in my palms.
Movement outside the window catches my eye. The sun is setting and the library windows look out onto the dark grounds beyond, and there's someone standing just outside the circle of lamplight. I can't see his face clearly but I know the shape of him, how he holds himself completely still like a hunting predator.
Knox.
He's just standing there in the growing dark, watching the library window. Watching me through the glass even though there's no way he should know which window I'm sitting at.
Our eyes meet and I stop breathing. He doesn't move, doesn't smile, doesn't do anything except hold my gaze through the barrier between us. The lamplight catches his eyes and they reflect back green for just a second before he shifts his weight and the effect disappears.
I don't know what makes me do it. Maybe it's the heat making me reckless. Maybe it's the realization that I'm connected to these males whether I want to be or not. Maybe I just need to know if this is real or if I'm imagining all of it.
I stand and walk to the window. Put my palm flat against the cold glass.
Knox doesn't move for a long moment. Then slowly, intentionally, he raises his hand and places it against the glass opposite mine. Our palms are separated by a quarter-inch of window and a gulf of things neither of us is saying, but I can feel the heat of him anyway. Can feel the pull between us like a physical thing, tugging at something behind my ribs.
We stand like that for what feels like hours but is probably only thirty seconds. Just two people on opposite sides of glass, connected by something neither of us has put into words yet.
Then he drops his hand and turns, walking into the dark. I watch until I can't see him anymore, until he's just another shadow among the trees.
When I finally pull my hand away from the window, there's condensation from my breath fogging the glass around where our hands met.
I go back to my table and sit down. My whole body feels like it's vibrating at a frequency just slightly wrong for the world around me. The books are still open in front of me, and I look down at the page I was reading before Knox appeared.
Peak heat occurs on day three. Biological urges become overwhelming. Secure locations recommended.
I already knew the basics from yesterday's reading, but seeing it confirmed in multiple sources, understanding that Caspian can smell what's happening to me, knowing that it peaks on day three and could last up to five days total... that makes it real and terrifying.
I close the books and put my head in my hands. My palms sting where the rope tore them open during the obstacle course, but that pain is nothing compared to the realization that I'm broadcasting something I can't control, calling to males who can't seem to stay away, and I still have at least two more days of this before it even starts to get better.
And the worst part is I know exactly what's happening now. I've read the books. I understand the biology. But understanding it doesn't give me any power to stop it or control it or make it any less terrifying.
All I can do is survive the next few days and hope that on the other side I'll still recognize myself.
Chapter Fourteen
The training hall is empty when I get there just after midnight. It's become a routine now, this late-night escape when the rest of the Academy is sleeping and I can pretend my body isn't betraying me. The door is unlocked like it always is, and I slip inside and let it close behind me with a soft click that echoes in the darkness.
I don't turn on the lights. The moonlight coming through the high windows is enough to see by, and somehow the darkness makes it easier to forget about everything except the staff in my hands and the repetitive motion of the drills I've been teaching myself.
My body feels worse at night. The heat symptoms that are bearable during the day become unbearable once the sun goes down, like something biological in me recognizes that darkness is when wolves mate and my body is responding whether I want it to or not. My skin is hypersensitive enough that even the loose training clothes I'm wearing feel too rough. Every movementsends little sparks of sensation through me that I'm trying hard to ignore.
