Alistaire was by his side instantly. “Crevan, what’s wrong? Is it your heart?”
He couldn’t answer the other man. Tears clouded his vision. He felt like a fool believing he could finally have the man he’d always wanted. Fox had been riddled with guilt, unable to tell Alistaire he was once Fox Morgan.
What if he’s never seen me as Crevan Hannigan? What if all this time he has seen me as his lost love because we have the same name?
“Do you think I’m him?” Fox might not want to hear the truth, but the air had to be cleared between them.
“What?”
“Answer the question,” Fox snapped. “Do you think he and I are the same person?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“You can’t say no, can you?” Fox sneered. “Because you’ve never seen me. All this time, I kept wondering why you call me Fox in bed and Crevan any other time. It’s because you wish you were with him.”
“Think about what you’re saying to me right now. He’s dead, and…”
“I’m right here!” Fox cried out. “Why can’t you see me and love me?”
“Baby, listen to me. I get that I went a bit overboard yelling at you about the dog tags. It’s just...I’ve had a hard time letting go.”
Fox’s heart started to ache, and he couldn’t ignore it. He knew his anger was misplaced, and Alistaire had no idea the person he’d always loved was in front of him. A little voice in the back of his mind kept telling him to stop overreacting and accept things as they were. But in his heart, he couldn’t.
Life was so unfair to him.
He’d died, never receiving the love he deserved. Yet, he’d been given a second chance to experience love only to realize it was all a mirage. Fox wanted to laugh at the situation but couldn’t. Who would understand that he was jealous of himself? After all, their souls found each other through death and time.
Fox took a deep breath to calm down. He dashed his tears away to face the truth about his mating. “I love you, Alistaire. But I can tell you’re not in love with the real me, and I won’t let you stay by my side when your heart belongs to the past.” He looked down at the ring he cherished since Alistaire had placed it on his finger.
When Alistaire didn’t respond, Fox got all the answers he needed. “I see why you hesitated now.” Fox took off the ring. He placed it on the bed, and then stood and walked to the door, opening it. “I’m going out for a bit. Don’t be here when I get back.”
“Where are you going? It’s New Year’s Eve.”
“Why should you care? I’m not the one you want to spend the holidays or the rest of your life with.”
Fox had hoped Alistaire would stop him from leaving, but the man didn’t even say a word, which hurt more than he could take. He ran out of the house and got in his car, driving off the Hannigan property—not looking back. Tears clouded his vision, and his chest ached.
“I shouldn’t have asked. I shouldn’t have asked,” he kept repeating the words over and over. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had a feeling he was Alistaire’s mate—but he didn’t want to accept it. He wanted Alistaire to love him as he was in the present and not in the past. He’d fallen in love with a man who’d never love him, and now they were connected for eternity.
He looked at his bare finger where he’d gotten so used to seeing the band wishing it was all a mistake—his death, and transmigration. Hoping he could go back to the night he’d died and reclaim what he’d lost, but he knew that couldn’t happen. Fox had to live with his current situation and couldn’t look back.
“Oh gods, what have I done?”
As much as it hurt his heart, he’d have to accept Crevan Hannigan wasn’t who Alistaire wanted.
Fox gasped and clutched his chest when he felt the most excruciating pain imaginable to man just as the thought crossed his mind. He tried to keep the car from swerving, but it was too late. The car swerved to the side of the road and hit a tree hard. If it weren’t for Fox wearing his seat belt, he would have gone out the window.
A blurry image came as his world went black...why was he seeing Marie Laveau.
“Your thread is infinite,” her voice whispered to him in the darkness.
* * *
Alistaire watchedFox walk out of the room and knew he should stop him, but his legs wouldn’t move. He sat down on the bed, trying to get his thoughts together. Seeing the ring, he picked it up and held it in his hands.
Rosemary was right. I should have told him about Fox sooner.
Alistaire had no idea his mate was feeling overshadowed by a memory. He also hadn’t realized he’d called Crevan “Fox” in bed. He could tell they were not the same person. Maybe at the beginning of their relationship, he’d tried to compare the two but had realized quickly they were very different. He knew who he made love to and held each night when he went to sleep. His mind was always thinking about his lover.
