“None of that explains why you’re in tears,” Sofia said. “It seems like things are going well with Jake.”
“Because…because heislistening to me.” I rubbed one hand over my baby bump. “I’m feeling better about our ability to coparent, and he’s being so great that it’s…”
“Making it harder to get over him?” Caitlin suggested.
“Yes,” I said, grateful for friends who understood. “I ended things because I thought we could never find common ground, that he’d never be able to change, but now… Early this morning, he dropped off those boxes on the porch.” I gestured to two unopened cartons in the corner.
“He took a minute to play with Fay and Wellington before he left, and I almost opened the door to him.” My hand had been on the knob as I’d watched him from the window. He didn’t know I was there, but just seeing him with my dogs made my heart hurt so much. I’d admitted to myself how much I wanted to be with Jake, wanted his arms around me, wanted him in my life.
Not only for the baby, but for me.
But I was still afraid that it wouldn’t be good for either of us in the long term. Heseemedto be changing, but how could I be sure those changes would last? How could I be sure my heart would be safe with him?
So I’d stayed still until he’d driven away, and then I’d wept for what could have been. Finally, I’d dried my tears, convinced that I’d done the right thing. Hewasmaking compromises for the baby, which showed that he’d be a great dad, and that was what mattered. We’d be co-parents—and nothing more.
“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Melody said, touching me lightly on the shoulder as she walked past. “You’re going to be okay.”
I nodded as I stood and pulled myself together. “I guess we should get back to work. I’m going to put the sheets and towels in the dresser. Will you two open the last of the boxes?” I asked Caitlin and Sofia.
While I worked to organize the drawers, Sofia slit open a small box. “It’s not baby stuff,” she announced.
“What is it?” I glanced their way. I hadn’t left anything at Jake’s house for him to return, so I couldn’t imagine what it would be.
“CDs.” Sofia brought the box to me and set it on top of the dresser. “Take a look.”
I pulled a stack of CDs from the box. Some of them were older and a few had cracked cases, but there was a stickie note attached to each. I began reading them. The first note said,Listen to track three when you’re missing your dad.Oh, that was sweet of him.
I moved onto the next CD.Track nine is all about remembering who you are and not losing yourself in someone else.I smiled, finally certain that he’d heard me when I spoke about my fears of being swallowed up as my mom had been.
I continued through the stack to another note.Letting people do their own thing is the theme of track two. Check out the refrain. It’s about how there’s more than one right way to live.Did that mean he was changing his views? Was he starting to understand that he didn’t have to follow someone else’s plan?
The last note read simply,The whole album makes me think of you. His simple words made my heart hurt so much.
“More non-baby items.” Sofia brought me another box and placed it in front of me.
I reached inside and found a book on top.ABusiness Plan for Rural Veterinary Clinic Success. A thoughtful gift and timely. Underneath, I found three pairs of my favorite brand of scrubs in a size bigger than I usually wore, and a fleece jacket with the name of my practice embroidered on the chest. A note was pinned to the front.For those cold mornings when someone needs your help.
“Nice,” Caitlin commented. My friends had all clustered around by then to see.
“Just why exactly aren’t you dating him anymore?” Melody asked in a quiet voice.
“Ihada good reason.”Manygood reasons.
I stared at the items spread out on the dresser top and wondered how valid my reasons were now. Everything in front of me showed that he’d been listening to me. He knew what mattered to me, what made me happy, what worried me. And at the same time, he wasn’t taking my choices away. He wasn’t jumping in to decide how my problems should be handled, he was simply giving me help along the way.
Was it possible that he’d changed? A glimmer of hope was blooming inside me, but I had to be cautious, too. There was no indication that he’d gotten over his obsession with running the ranch exactly like his brother had, but at least he’d figured out how to listen. And that meant something to me. Those boxes of gifts had been about makingmylife better, not the baby’s, even though our romantic relationship had ended.
“I’m not so sure anymore, though,” I admitted. He wasn’t perfect, but he was trying, and I appreciated that more than I’d have thought I would. I suddenly felt like I could breathe freelyfor the first time in weeks at the realization that he could be what I’d always wanted—a partner in life. I finally said aloud what I’d been thinking, “I do want him back.”
“Thank God,” Caitlin said, making me smile. But the happiness was followed by panic.
“What if I’ve waited too long and lost my chance with him?” I asked my friends.
“Relax. I’m trained to follow the evidence,” Sofia said with a nod toward the gifts on the dresser. “And all this indicates that the man wants to be with you.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, worry eating at me.
“Trust me, sweetie,” Caitlin said. “I’ve seen Jake. He’s a wreck without you. All you have to do is reach out to him.”
