“No,” she says. “You need to live it. Thoughtfully.”
I exhale long and hard.
For once, the idea of not knowing exactly where something is going doesn’t feel like a failure.
It feels like… space.
And, apparently, that’s allowed.
24
Rearranging your Life around Erections
Geoff
England are ten minutesinto the match when Jasper starts arguing with the referee like the man can hear him through the telly.
“That was forward,” he insists, leaning so far off the sofa he nearly tips himself onto the floor.
Theo doesn’t look away from the screen. “It wasn’t.”
“It absolutely was.”
“It wasn’t,” Theo repeats, calm and irritating.
I sit back in the armchair with my whisky and let them get on with it. The girls had taken one look at the fixture, declared rugby “not for them”, and gone off shopping instead. A win-win arrangement if ever there was one.
On screen, England do something unexpectedly competent.
Jasper freezes. “Don’t.”
Theo groans. “You’ve jinxed it.”
I grin despite myself, then feel the familiar prickle of nerves that has nothing to do with the game.
Because, at some point in the next eighty minutes, I need to tell my brothers something I’ve never said out loud to them before.
And I’ve got absolutely no idea how to bring it up without sounding like I’m apologising for my own anatomy.
On screen, England promptly knock it on.
“See?” Jasper says triumphantly. “I told you.”
Theo groans and takes a swig of his beer. “You don’t get points for predicting disappointment. That’s just being English.”
I laugh, then realise my grip on the bottle’s gone a bit tight. I loosen it deliberately, stare back at the match like the scrum formation might offer emotional guidance.
Say it now.
No, not now.
Wait for a lull.
There is never a lull in rugby or in this kind of conversation.
“Right,” I say, a bit louder than intended.
Jasper glances at me. “That tone never brings good news.”
