“It started out that way. In the beginning, I didn’t care about the fallout. I assumed you were a product of your dad, some spoilt rich kid and that hurting you didn’t matter.”
“What changed?”
His eyes find mine then. “I got to know you. Realised you were nothing like him and the only person I’d be hurting was you. I enjoyed getting under your skin because you were getting under mine. You challenged me like no one ever has. You didn’t look at me and see what everyone else sees, an ex-con who killed his mom’s boyfriend or the womaniser who barely remembers the names of the women he’s slept with. You took the time to see the real me. You’re kind and caring, even when I didn’t deserve it. You’re the only woman who’s made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. It’s no wonder I fell in love with you, butterfly.”
I hate how my body reacts to hearing him use the nickname, how my heart softens to hear that he loves me.
Why should I believe what he’s saying? But what reason would he have to lie now?
I don’t know why I do it, but I lay my head on his shoulder, his familiar warmth soaking into my skin and for the first time in almost a week, I feel strangely at peace.
There’s no hesitation as he reaches for my hand, threading his fingers through mine like he needs my touch as badly as I need his.
“Thanks for my keys, by the way. Got them yesterday.”
A laugh bubbles up from my chest. “Sorry.” There’s no feeling behind it.
“If it made you smile, I don’t mind.” I feel his lips meet the top of my head. He blows out a long breath, ruffling my hair. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby…”
My heart cracks and a lump lodges in my throat.
His arm wraps around me, his hand cradling my head against his warm solid chest as I sink into him, letting the tears I’ve been fighting back fall free. “I’d give anything to make you smile again.”
“I miss you,” I mumble against his shirt, my tears soaking into the fabric.
His hold on me tightens. “I miss you too. So fucking much. Hurting you is the biggest regret of my life and losing you is the worst punishment possible.” His lips meet my temple, then my cheek and before I know it, I’m turning my face enough for his lips to find mine.
His kiss makes me want to forget all of it. Forget everything he’s done and drown in his touch, lose myself in his kiss. It breathes life back into me, life that has drained away since the truth came out.
But I can’t.
I break the kiss. “Killian, I can’t do this,” I say breathlessly, his lips capturing mine again.
This is wrong.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
“Stop.” I push against his chest and tear my mouth away from his, and this time he doesn’t fight me. “I can’t do this. It was a mistake.” I jump to my feet, pulling my cardigan tighter around me as the cold breeze seeps through the fabric.
I give him my back, unable to look at him, the shame of allowing myself to get carried away, to give into him so easily consumes me.
“You should go,” I tell him, swiping away at a fat tear tracking down my cheek.
“Where do we go from here?” he asks behind me.
“I don’t know, Killian,” I say with a sigh. “Right now, I need space, and I need you to respect that.”
“I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m a selfish bastard and I’m gonna ask you for it anyway. Give me another chance.”
My heart squeezes tight.
I want to. I want to be with him so badly, to forget everything that’s happened but what does that make me? Does it make me a fool?
I glance over my shoulder. “I can’t promise you that.”
“Then promise me one thing, that if you ever need me, for anything, I’m only a phone call away. I will always be there for you.Always.”
Another tear escapes as I nod, offering him a small smile before turning for the window.
