Forgoing sleep, I slide out of Fi’s bed and pull on a thick cardigan, wrapping it tight around me as I move through her apartment into the kitchen.
I make myself a coffee before heading towards the window. I push back the curtain, and slide it open, the rush of cold air hitting me instantly, bringing me out in goose bumps. I climb out the window and onto the fire escape, something I’ve been doing a lot these last few days.
Taking a sip of my coffee as I watch the fireworks illuminate the sky in an array of colours.
A week ago I pictured Killian and I spending New Year’s together, sharing a kiss as the clock struck midnight, ringing in the new year as a couple in love. Instead I’m alone and heartbroken.
An unexpected blessing is coming your way, is what that fortune cookie said. Well, that fortune royally crashed and burned.
Something in my periphery catches my eye and I let out a scream. A dark silhouette leans up against the railing a few feet away from me. The glowing end of a cigarette burning through the darkness tells me exactly who it belongs to.
“Killian?”
He steps closer, moving into the light streaming through the window behind me.
He looks how I feel…Broken.
His eyes are heavy like he hasn’t slept in days, his hair hasn’t seen a brush in just as long and I find myself conflicted.
I hate seeing him like this. A part of me wants to throw my arms around him but the other part of me tells me he deserves it. That if he feels even a shred of the agony I have then that’s good enough for me.
His face crumples when he takes in the dark circles under my eyes and my pale skin. “Christ, butterfly. What have I done to you?”
“I think you already know the answer to that.”
He sinks to the metal floor that creaks below us, taking a seat on the top step of the fire escape, flicking away the butt of his cigarette.
I lower myself down beside him. “How long have you been out here?”
He shrugs. “A while, I think. I just wanted to feel closer to you.” He digs the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have come, you don’t need this.”
He goes to stand up but I lay my hand on his arm. “I still care, Killian.”
His eyes flick to mine. “You should hate me. Should be angry at me. Why aren’t you angry at me?”
“Why? Would it make you feel better? Do you want me to be angry? Do you want me knee you in the balls and tell you how big of an asshole you are? Because I don’t think you need me to tell you that.”
“I wouldn’t blame you, and we both know you’re capable.”
He draws a laugh from me. “Believe me, a few days ago Iwould’ve accepted your invitation and took great pleasure in it. Now… I’m… I’m disappointed. In you and in myself. Disappointed that you could do something like that to me. Disappointed that I fell for the lies and allowed myself to believe what we had was real. I trusted you.”
“I’m sorry. I know it probably means nothing to you, but I am. Hurting you was never my intention.”
“How could it have ever endedwithoutme getting hurt?” I counter. “What would you have done with the photos?”
He blows out a long breath. “The plan was to send them to your dad, force his hand and get him to back off from the club. To stop finding ways to ruin us. If he refused, we would’ve distributed them, publicly.”
“Humiliate him. And humiliate me in the process…” I trail off.
Deep down I already knew what the plan was, but hearing the words from him out loud sends a new stab of pain through me, creating fresh wounds over the ones already there.
I can understand his reasoning behind his plan, but what I can’t understand is how he would’ve gladly ruined me without a second thought, a total stranger, a girl who had done nothing to him or his club to justify public humiliation regardless of what my father did.
“Did you know who I was when we met? Was that part of the plan too?”
“No, I found out who you were after we met that night I saw you on the street. Cruiser was doing some digging into your dad and showed us a picture of you. I couldn’t believe the coincidence. That’s when I got the idea to use you to get to your dad.”
“So I was right? You were only with me to get revenge onmy father.”
