“I don’t want to. I give up!” I protest.
He drops to a crouch in front of me, pulling my arms away from my chest and squeezing my hands with his. “Sweetheart, we don’t give up, do we? Don’t you want to learn how to ride your bike?”
I shrug. “I guess.”
“That didn’t sound very convincing. You were so excited earlier, what’s changed?”
“I can’t do it, daddy. David can ride his bike so good but I can’t. I’m just a doofus.”
“You are not a doofus, Angel. You’re my beautiful and brilliant daughter who doesn’t give up when things get tough. You’re strong and you can do anything you set your mind to. So, you want to give it another go?”
I look up into his eyes and nod. “Okay, Daddy.”
His face lights up with a wide smile. “Good girl. Come on, up you get.” He heaves me up onto my feet and brushes the dirt from the ground off my clothes before pulling my bike upright. I swing my leg over and place my foot on the pedal. “Now remember, don’t think to much, just pedal and try to keep balance.”
“Don’t let me go, Daddy.”
“I promise I won’t let go. You ready?”
“Uh-huh.” I nod, as I press down on the pedal and begin moving. I work the pedals, clinging to the handlebars in a tight grip, praying I stay the right way up and not end up on the ground again. Daddy grips the back of my seat, helping me keep my balance, I can hear his footsteps behind me as I ride. I pedal harder and the trees that line out street fade into a blur as I whiz down the sidewalk.
I’m concentrating so hard, making sure I don’t fall off that it takes me a while to realise my dad’s footsteps have stopped. I can’t hear him anymore.
I make the stupid mistake of turning my head around to see my dad all the way down the street.
He let go, like he said he wouldn’t!
“Ah!” The handlebars wobble, the wheels zigzag and jerk but I keep pedalling, and somehow I don’t fall off. I keep balance.
I’m pedalling. I’m actually pedalling all by myself! I’m riding my bike!
I did it!
“You’re doing it, sweetheart! Keep pedalling!” Daddy shouts, his voice echoing down the street.
I slow the bike to stop when I reach the end of the street where the sidewalk bends around the corner and turn it around awkwardly, then take a deep breath as I start pedalling back to where Daddy is standing.
I’m slowly getting the hang of it, and really it’s not that hard after all.
“Wee!” I squeal as I pedal harder, wearing the biggest, widest grin on my face.
My daddy is smiling too when I reach him. I come to a stop beside him and he hugs me tightly, dropping a kiss to the top of my head.
“I did it, Daddy!” I beam.
“I knew you could, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”
A jolt snaps me awake, and it takes me a moment for my brain to catch up with my surroundings. I’m leaning against the car door, the top of my head resting on the back window. My mom sits in the driving seat and my little brother riding shotgun, his headphones on with his face buried in the game he’s playing on his games console. I feel a trickle of moisture on my cheek and I reach up to swipe it away.
Since losing my dad a couple of months ago, I’ve had dreams about him, memories that I once thought forgotten, but lately, knowing that our time away was coming to an end, they’ve come to me more frequently, each one hurting more than the one that came before it.
“We’re almost there,” my mom announces and my stomach twists. I don’t want to go home, I don’t want to go home to an empty house wherehewon’t be. The thought saddens me, and it’s a thought that I don’t want to accept is real.
∞∞∞
The moment I step inside my house, the heaviness in my chest returns, my dad’s absence casting a dark shadow over everything in sight. The chair he once sat on, beer in hand while he watched the Chicago White Sox playing every weekend. I can almost picture him doing just that as I stare at his empty chair. His voice echoes in my head when he’s shout at the TV when the Sox were unfairly fouled or if one of the players did something stupid.
My eyes move to the special recognition plaque on the wall that he was awarded a few years ago for his service to the force. He was dedicated to his job, he loved it, it’s just a shame that love would eventually cost him his life. My eyes drift down to a pair of his favourite shoes that are still tucked under one of the dining chairs in the corner.
