She doesn’t seem put out by the crudeness of my words. “No. We didn’t fuck. We did… other stuff. I told him I wasn’t ready, and he respected my wishes.”
“Good.” I realize how relieved I am that Dave wasn’t as pushy as Cal was with me when I told him I wasn’t ready to go all the way with him. “Now define other stuff.”
“Hand stuff.” She offers, her face going redder with every word. “If you want to know how it was, I’m still trying to figure it out.”
Her explanation is more perplexing than anything. “What do you mean?”
Heather exhales, covering her face with her hands before she answers. “I was too nervous, too tense to let go. So I faked my orgasm.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
“It wasn’t Dave’s fault.” Heather rushes to explain. “He did everything right. It was me. Maybe I was nervous because it was the first time I was with someone I hadn’t known forever. But it wasn’t just that. There was still that horrible feeling that I was doing something wrong. That I was cheating on Atlas.”
My heart breaks for my friend. I can’t even imagine what she must have gone through losing her first love on that racetrack.
All I can do is to be honest with her. “Heather, you know I’m not a huge fan of the Fox family, for obvious reasons. But you didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t get the chance to get to know Atlas. But if he was anything like his brothers and Lev, do you really think he would want you to be unhappy forever? I know that if something ever happened to me, I’d want Chance and Lev to move on, to find happiness with someone else. Maybe things felt wrong because your connection with Dave isn’t as deep as what you had with Atlas. Or maybe you aren’t sexually compatible with him. I don’t have a definitive answer. What I know, though, is that you have no reason to feel guilty. Whether you decide to hook up with Dave again, or with someone else, you have the right to move on.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “You’re right. I know that, at least in theory. But I couldn’t help but imagine Atlas in Dave’s place. And when his lips and his touch felt different, my body went into lockdown mode. I wanted him to stop, but I didn’t want him tothink that he was doing something wrong or that I was a weirdo. So I faked it, and then we cuddled, and even sleeping in his bed felt like a betrayal to my boyfriend.”
I pull Heather into my arms. “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you?”
She hides her face in the crook of my neck. “You’re helping by listening and being a good friend. Will you hold me, please? Last night I didn’t sleep a wink, and now I’m exhausted.”
“That I can do. And whenever you want to talk, I’ll be here.”
“Thank you, Zara. I love you. I’m so glad you’re back in our lives. You’re my best friend.”
We’re warm and comfortable under the blanket, and my eyes begin feeling heavy with sleep.
I’m glad Heather opened up to me. She told me before that she’s been in therapy since Atlas’s death. I’m no expert, but maybe she should speak to her therapist about moving on and how to deal with the guilt. I’m going to try to find a way to suggest it soon. I know she’ll never forget Atlas, but I want her to be happy one day.
Chapter 13
Expendable
LEV
Things are easier now that the races are out in the open between us. Chance and I don’t have to worry about finding an excuse with Zara to disappear in the middle of a post-game party.
I hate that Zara has been caught up in the same trap we’ve been trying to get out of since initiation night, but not having to lie to her is definitely a perk.
The clearing at the end of campus is even more crowded than last week when we arrive once the party at the Gamma house begins to die down. The race is probably the reason why the attendance at the party is dwindling faster than normal.
“Morelli is a dumbass if he thinks he can keep flying under the radar much longer.” Chance shakes his head, pulling Zara closer to his side. “Every week the amount of people seems to double. There’s no way the cops won’t be tipped off by such large gatherings, even if we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere.”
I can’t say that I disagree with him. “Morelli is cocky. He thinks he can intimidate the entire town.” I bite out. “His uncle’s reach is probably wider than we think. We don’t know who he might have on the payroll.”
Zara catches my drift. “Do you mean the cops?” She looks around before entering the hangar where we agreed to store our bikes, since we now race for the house. “Don’t get caught saying stuff like that in front of Heather. You know she adores her dad.”
“Speaking of the devil,” I lower my voice, spotting Fox and his brother within earshot as they push Cal’s BMW out of the hangar. “Where is Heather? I didn’t even see her at the game or at the party.”
“She texted me earlier that she had a migraine and would have to miss out on tonight’s events. I offered to keep her company until it was time to come race, but she said she was miserable and she just wanted to take her meds and go to bed with her curtains shut.”
That doesn’t surprise me. “I feel for her. My mom suffers from migraines. Thankfully, she doesn’t get them very often. But a bad migraine is the only thing that has ever forced her to work from home.”
“I was a little relieved that she didn’t want company,” Zara admits. “Because there’s no way I could have skipped tonight’s race.”
Ares’s voice reaches us from the entrance. “I would rather know you were with Heather than about to take part in this race.”
