My hands aren’t shaking.
I don’t feel like I’ve failed some invisible test.
Instead, I feel…steady.
Robert can cling to the past if he wants. Build shrines and host services and replay what-ifs until the end of time.
But I have two children who need a father who’s present.
And that’s exactly what I plan to be.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
ROWAN
“I thoughtI saw you walk in.”
At the sound of the familiar voice, I come to an abrupt stop in the produce section of the local grocery store, my cart loaded with everything I need for the dinner I’m planning to make with Presley later.
Today seems like a day to celebrate. Then again, in my humble opinion, we should celebrate every day. But it feels like a good day to make a big Mexican feast.
So after taking Jemmy to the library for story time, I stopped to pick up some things I’d need.
The last thing I expected was to run into Joshua.
Truth be told, I haven’t thought about him once since he dropped me off Saturday night.
Every spare inch of mental space has been consumed by Hayden.
The way he looks at me.
The way his smile brightens his face.
The way he touches me like he’s rediscovering something he thought he’d lost.
The way I feel when I’m with him.
I quickly push down the thought, devoting my full attention to Joshua. He looks like he just stepped out of a catalogue of small-town book boyfriends — flannel shirt, slightly messy hair, faded jeans tucked into a pair of work boots.
“Oh, hey. Sorry. I didn’t notice you. I was distracted trying to choose the perfect…” I trail off and pick up the closest vegetable.
And when I see what I end up with, I’m horrified at the double meaning.
“You got distracted looking for the perfect eggplant?”
“Sure did.”
“I can understand that. Finding the perfect…eggplant is definitely important.”
“It certainly is.”
In more ways than one.
We stare at each other for several seconds, the eggplant still in my hand as Jemmy babbles at all the different foods he sees, naming them the best he can, although he’s come up with quite a few interesting nicknames. Tom-toms for tomatoes. Yummies are grapes. But my personal favorite is probably broccoli, which he calls mops because they remind him of a mop.
“Well…” Joshua clears his throat, “I just wanted to say hi. I’m picking up a few things for Holley Ridge, but I need to get back.”
“Okay. Well… Hi.”
