‘I’ll help you,’ said Alice, taking everyone’s orders and following Sam into the bar.
An awkward silence settled over the table when Kitty and Carla found themselves alone. Carla broke it by smiling at Kitty and saying, ‘I meant what I said earlier. Thank you for everything you’ve done for Emily since she’s been here.’
Kitty returned her smile. ‘It’s not been any hardship. She’s an amazing little girl. You must be so proud of her, and from speaking to Emily, it’s obvious what a great mum you are.’
Tears filled Carla’s eyes. ‘Thank you. You’ve no idea how much it means to hear you say that. I’ve been muddling along on my own for so long, it’s hard to tell if I’m getting things right sometimes.’
‘Being a mum is hard,’ said Kitty, ‘especially when you have to juggle parenthood and work. You’re doing great. You’ve no need to question yourself.’
Carla fiddled with her empty glass. ‘You sound like you’re speaking from experience.’
Kitty shifted on the bench. She’d said too much. ‘I briefly helped look after my ex-partner’s daughter. Sadly, we’ve had no contact since my relationship with her dad broke down.’Briefly looked after?Kitty winced at the lie. She blinked several times, forcing herself not to think about the child she’d abandoned in favour of self-preservation.
‘That must have been hard.’ Carla studied Kitty with an intensity she could have done without.
‘It was.’ She dropped her gaze from Carla’s scrutiny. ‘Do you mind if we don’t talk about it? I haven’t said much about my past to people here, and I’d like my move here to be a clean slate.’
‘Of course. I understand. And if anyone understands a messy personal life, it’s me.’ Carla pointed to her chest, grimacing. ‘And I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping the mark, but if youcan reconnect with your ex’s daughter, you should try. I bet she misses you, and it sounds as though you miss her.’
Kitty looked down at the bench and blinked to dispel the tears forming behind her eyes. Her heart burned with the loss of Rae and the shame that she’d abandoned her when the going got tough.
She remembered her counsellor’s words.It’s not your fault. He didn’t give you any choice. The words didn’t stop her from feeling like a coward, or worse. Emily was no replacement for Rae, but if Kitty could make Emily’s time in Saffron Bay easier, perhaps it would atone for some of her past sins?
Damn this Catholic upbringing, she thought. This wasn’t about sin and atonement; it was about selfishness and self-preservation, and in her experience, self-preservation inevitably left a few casualties in its wake.
When Carla placed a hand on Kitty’s, her tears might have broken free had a giggling Sam and Alice not rushed over to their table, providing a welcome distraction as they began recounting the latest piece of village gossip they’d picked up at the bar. Kitty listened to the chatter, all the while aware of the ache in her heart. Packing up your life and starting over wasn’t easy.
Chapter 28
The toast popped up at the same time Carla came through the front door. Nick felt a rush of guilt. Should he have been preparing something more nutritious? The lunch they’d had at Margot’s café only a few hours earlier had filled them all, so surely a smaller supper was alright?
Carla came into the kitchen, a smile on her face. Were things looking up between them? Had some of the frost in her attitude melted?
‘Did you have a nice time with the girls?’ asked Nick.
Carla leaned against the worktop. ‘Yeah, it was great. Thanks for suggesting it. I liked all of them, especially Kitty.’
‘Oh yeah? What did you guys talk about?’
‘Ah, this and that.’ Carla gave him a sideways glance. ‘A bit about you.’
‘Me?’ Nick pretended disinterest as he spread butter on the two pieces of toast, and hoped Carla didn’t notice him peering at her from the corner of his eye. What had Kitty said about him? He thought he’d made a better impression on her than in the early days, but he couldn’t be sure.
‘We were both saying how well you’ve been doing with Emily, how you’ve really been trying.’
‘Oh, that’s great.’ Nick squared his shoulders.
‘Hold on, don’t get ahead of yourself,’ said Carla. ‘You’ve got a long way to go yet.’ She gestured towards the utility room and grimaced. ‘You could start by separating the coloured and white clothes when you put a wash on.’
Nick frowned. ‘Fair point.’
‘What are you making for dinner?’ She peered into the saucepan bubbling on the cooker. ‘Something nutritious, by the looks of things.’
‘Spaghetti hoops on toast.’ He threw out his hands. ‘I guess I should have made her something with vegetables, but Emily said she’s still stuffed from lunch and she only wanted a snack.’
Carla grinned. ‘I was only pulling your leg. Spaghetti hoops are fine. In fact, I wouldn’t mind some myself.’
‘Yeah, sure, but would you mind making it? I need to be getting out to that meeting.’
