‘Because not many people did, and I see the type of people you’re drawn to. The one thing they all have in common is kindness. This man,’ said Seb, jabbing a finger at the photograph, ‘was not a kind man. He was selfish, arrogant, and thought he knew better than everyone around him.’
‘What’s the deal with the suit?’
‘I worked in the city, in investment banking. After Dad had his accident, the atmosphere at home became toxic. He couldn’t get over what had happened to him, refused to accept it, blamed the world and his wife for an accident which, at the end of the day, had been caused by his own carelessness.’
‘While I was in sixth form, an investment banking firm came in to do a talk at school. They were running an apprenticeship scheme for kids from deprived areas like mine. Before Dad’s accident, I was on course for straight A’s. My grades had slipped after things at home took a nosedive, but the company agreed to give me an interview if I could turn things around.’
‘What did you do?’
‘Worked my arse off. I knew if I could score an apprenticeship with the company, it would be my ticket out of my shit life. So, I spent the next six months holed up in my room, studying. I lost several mates in the process, but I was so focused on my goals, I didn’t have time to bother with insignificant things like friendships.’
‘What happened? Did you get the grades?’
‘Yes, the highest set of A level results the school had seen in years. The teachers tried to persuade me to go to uni. It would have looked good for the school, but I was set on a different path.’
‘Did the company stay true to their word about the interview?’
‘Yes, but not immediately. I had to badger them until they’d see me. After plenty of what could be considered stalking, I went up to London for the assessment weekend and got the apprenticeship.’
‘That’s amazing.’
‘Yes, it was for a while. I jumped straight into the work hard, play hard lifestyle. I had a lot to prove. Most of the other apprentices had come from posh schools and backgrounds. The job was about so much more than playing with other people’s money. When it came to wooing potential clients, they had certain expectations. The schmoozing came naturally to most of the guys, but I was learning all these weird expectations from scratch.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like the colour of your shoes, for starters. I realised on my first day I was the only one in the office wearing brown brogues. I had to extend my overdraft to buy a new black pair. But I’m a quick learner when I have to be. I was soon moving up the ranks, pulling eighteen-hour days sometimes fuelled by drugs and booze.’
‘You got into drugs?’
‘In that company, cocaine was seen as no worse than coffee. Everyone was doing it. The hours would have been impossible otherwise. Uppers to keep you going, downers to help you get a few hours’ kip.’
‘You liked the lifestyle?’
‘I didn’t give myself time to think about it. There was no downtime. If I wasn’t at work, I was trying to transform myselfinto the perfect package in other ways, getting buff in the gym, being seen at all the right clubs and restaurants, driving the right car.’
‘How long did you stay at the company?’
‘Five years. I barely spoke to my family in that time. My entire focus was on making a success of my life. My poor sister and mum were left to deal with all my dad’s shit. I didn’t answer any of their calls, never went home to visit. The only reason I’m in that photo was because it was Mum’s fiftieth and I couldn’t get out of it. I turned up in my BMW, took them out to a fancy restaurant that made my mum uncomfortable, bought her a Tiffany necklace I knew she’d never wear. My game plan was to flash the cash and get out of there as quickly as I could. If someone had told me I’d be back living at home a month later, I’d have laughed in their face.’
‘You left your job?’
‘Ah, this is where things get messy. You’d better turn the page.’
Chapter Thirty-Two
Iturned the page of the photograph album and had to do a double take. ‘This is only a month after the last photo was taken?’
‘Yeah, give or take a couple of weeks.’
A gaunt, grey Seb stood outside what looked like a hospital, his arm around his mum. He wore a loose-fitting grey tracksuit, and his hair had grown out of its buzz cut, sitting limp and greasy on his head.
‘What happened?’
‘I had a breakdown and was sectioned. My therapist said that the trip home probably triggered it. I’d been trying to run away from who I was and where I came from for years. Going home for Mum’s birthday made me realise how futile all that had been. You’re wondering why I was sectioned?’
I nodded.
‘Everyone thought I’d tried to take my own life.’
