“Yeah, after my mom left, I would have loved to have someone there all the time, though. I feel like part of the reason I live in music is because sometimes I would sit in my room for hours and just watch music videos. It became my whole personality.” I jump up and start doing the 1, 2, Step.
Still coordinated despite the fact that I’m high off my ass. It distracts me from the sting that came up at the mention of me being alone.
He claps andwoots, helping to keep my mind off of it. I don’t stop, just dancing to the sound of his cheers. Once he grows quiet, I realize we actually need music.
Putting on classic, cleaning the house on Sundays, Black music, I dance around his living room to Luther Vandross.
I look at him and realize we have that old school love. That instant connection, ride or die, call in the middle of the night kind of relationship. I want him to be here when everything is said and done, and the only good thing about me left is the memories.
I beckon him to join me, my hand reaching out towards him. He stands up and slides his way over. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I move in step with him. We sway and shift, moving to the catchy beat. He spins me, I dip him, we smile and stare, lost in each other’s eyes. The green in his eyes stands starker than the brown today, and I feel like I’m looking at life itself.
That is how I would sum up Callahan. He is life, every good and scary part about being alive. All the possibilities and adventures. Eachrisk you wonder if you should take. I want him, I want to live, and I want an existence that feels this good all the time. The way he looks at me lets me know he feels the same.
We dance that way, just lost in each other’s arms, until we start to come back down. The whole time, I try to figure out how I’m supposed to leave this behind. Nothing in my mind can justify not having this be every day of my life, and the woman I am today, the one forged in the fire of this disease, wants him to be her new dream.
Chapter 24
Ifinallybreakfreeof the spell that is being in his presence and find myself back home. My dad is gone for the week, and it makes me wonder if I should have just stayed at Callahan’s. Before I decide whether to go back, Farrah calls me.
“You dead?” she asks when I pick up.
“Not funny.”
“I’m not joking. You haven’t returned my texts in days. I was about to hop on a plane, but Callahan texted me back and let me know you just left his place.” She started off sounding concerned, and ended on a note of nosiness.
“Dang, I didn’t realize you guys were friends like that.” I throw down my bag and start pulling out the dirty clothes.
“Ever since he became your man, I decided we had to be friends. Have I said how much I like him?”
With everything emptied, I think seriously about going back to Callahan’s after this conversation.
“No, you haven’t said.”
“Well, I do. He is so about you, girl, it’s insane. The way he looks at you in the pictures you post. I just can’t take it.”
“Yeah?” I ask, sitting down. I press my hand to my mouth to keep my lips from pulling apart.
“Yeah. He’s a good one.”
My face warms as my heart picks up the pace.
“I can’t wait to spend more time with him when I come back in a few months. I’m sorry, I’m pretty much missing all of your appointments. We are moving up the schedule a little, so I might be able to be there for the last two.”
“Don’t worry, I’m well taken care of.”
“I can see that. So, have you had more sex and proven that he is better than Charlie?”
“No, I haven’t had much of an urge, and honestly, he is a saint. But sometimes when I’m with him, I really want to. But shortly after, it all goes away. Sort of like the sun popping out from behind a cloud just to go back again.” I sigh and press my hand against my forehead.
“Why don’t you, then?”
“Because I don’t want to lose it halfway through and then just disappoint him. He is already being so understanding. Honestly, Farrah, he is almost too good. We haven’t had sex since December. If it weren’t for the constant hard-ons, I would think he doesn’t even want me.”
“Errol and I haven’t had sex since before your dad’s party, thanks to our schedules. That’s just how relationships are sometimes. I’m not saying he isn’t amazing for being understanding and patient, but don’t feel bad. You are going through something very real, and if the shoes were reversed, you would do the same for him.”
“How are you guys?”
She catches me up about their fights and where they are now on the baby train, making me feel more confident. They love each other,and have worked to be together. If they are still working through things even after marriage, maybe all relationships have problems.
