—
The following week,Liam left school for his brother’s funeral. He came back for a few weeks in April, and I thought he was doing okay…but one night, after finding him drunk and bruised at the bottom of the stairs, we got into our worst fight yet. While tryingto convince him to get help, the words slipped from my mouth—I love you—and he froze.
I can’t do this,he muttered on his way out the door. And that wasit.
—
The next morninghe left and wouldn’t answer my texts or calls. After trying to reach him for months, I gave up, to find out later he’d gone to rehab. I didn’t realize that we’d officially broken up until I saw him in a picture he’d been tagged in with a girl from his hometown.
When he came back in September to start his senior year again, we tried to talk about what happened, but he was easily triggered. Aggressive. Everything I said set him off, and when I met his eyes, he wasn’t there. It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger.
—
The shower isrunning cold when I snap out of the memory, and after turning off the water, I realize my cheeks are still wet with tears. Stepping out of the shower, I wrap my hair and return to my room, changing into sweats and settling into bed with a book.
But finding myself rereading the same sentence again and again, I set the book down and check my phone. It’s onea.m. When I look at the screen, I’m surprised to see a text from Liam. It’s a simple response, but it makes my heart leap:Hey.I want to be mad at him for ignoring me.
But after the last few days, I crave the warmth of his arms. I want to be held. I want to feel safe.
Burying my face in the pillow, I try to ignore the feeling, but then my phone vibrates again, and when I look at the screen, my entire body gives in:Come back.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Maya
December 2011
One Thursday evening in December,I ran into Lila outside the library. It had snowed, and the campus was strangely quiet.
When Lila approached, I noticed that her eyes were lined and she was wearing her hair differently, pulled back to expose a scattering of freckles over her high cheekbones. It revealed something else too: a discolored spot of what looked to be concealer, layered over an angry purplish bruise near her temple. When she caught me staring, she quickly untucked a lock of hair from behind her ear and let it fall over her face.
“Hey, what are you doing tonight?” she asked, which took me by surprise because we weren’t exactly close.
“I’m supposed to go to some lingerie party in Daisy’s room. Why, what’s up?”
Lila raised her eyebrows. It took her a beat to answer, as if she were going to say something important, but then, as if she changed her mind, she said, “My friend’s band is playing at Terrace tonight. They’re pretty good. Wanna come?”
I told her it sounded fun, but I promised Daisy I’d be her wingwoman for the night.
Lila shrugged. “Well, let me know if you change your mind. We’ll be there all night.”
—
By the timeI set off for the party, the temperature had dropped. The campus was frozen over, still and quiet, a glittering mix of snowand rain sweeping down from the sky, but the inside of Daisy and Kai’s suite felt like a sauna.
The scene was bacchanalian: the music dark and pulsing, the common area swarming with beautiful people in elaborate outfits: lingerie, slip dresses, unbuttoned shirts. It made me feel out of place in my black dress and heels.
“Maya,” Daisy slurred, and threw her arms around me. She was in a bustier with some sort of tutu on the bottom. “Take a picture with me!” She shoved a digital camera in a guy’s hands and we squeezed our faces together for a picture.
After a short exchange about how excited she was about tonight, Daisy giggled and ran off to greet someone else.
Spotting Kai in one corner of the room, I wandered in her direction, but it was hard to push through the tightly packed bodies. She turned away, and I realized she was talking to the guy I’d met, well, made out with on the dance floor on Gatsby Night. What was his name? Kevin? Their heads were bent close and he handed her something, which she quickly stuffed in her jacket pocket. Right, the Adderall dealer.
“Kai,” I shouted, and she looked up at me, surprised at first, but then her face spread into a grin.
“Hey, glad you made it.” She approached and raised her voice over the music. “A group of us are going to dim sum in the city next week. Are you around?” I was caught off guard. I knew about her monthly trips to the city with her closest friends, but this was the first time I’d gotten an invite to join.
“Oh, thanks,” I replied. “That sounds fun.”
