Julia drew back and once again was mobbed by memories of that charged moment at the party two nights before when he’d taken her arm and the world had focused in only on him. She’d simply been overwrought, the emotions between them had been intense, but negative. It was too easy to get that confused.
The fact that thoughts of him had intruded multiple times since then was just more confusion, nothing more.
“Nothing, there’s nothing between us,” she said. “He doesn’t approve, he continues to make that plain. He simply asked me about love when it came to my connection to Laurence, some way to make me question it. It was foolish.”
Her aunt didn’t look like she completely believed that explanation. “And yet it seems he’s voicing the same concerns I have. Thatyouhave. I can see your upset, Julia.”
“I think I’m simply overwhelmed and so I make things worse than they should be. It’s not easy being so reviled by those around you.”
“You mean the other guests.”
“Yes.” Julia sighed. “And the servants. And his family. It wasn’t that I didn’t anticipate there would be resistance given my past, but expecting it and experiencing it are different things.”
“Does Lord Castleton not support you?”
“He…does,” Julia said, and it sounded just as false as it felt to push those words past her trembling lips.
It was evident Caroline didn’t believe them either. “It isn’t too late to back out of this. I’d support you, your sisters would. You are lucky to have options, darling. And perhaps if you did walk away therewouldbe a great love waiting for you later.”
“I can’t walk away,” Julia whispered. “I’ve committed to this. And we both know that everything doesn’t end in love.”
“But I think we must hope that it can. Hope that itwill.” When Julia couldn’t bring herself to respond for the ache in her heart, Caroline took her hand. “If you are determined to stay this course, could you perhaps try a little more to reconnect with the viscount? If there was passion, perhaps something more can grow from that kernel.”
Julia nodded. “You’re right. I have been so swept up in the whirlwind, I-I haven’t made more of an effort to see what ourconnection will be like after we wed. I still have two weeks before we marry, this is the best time to make those inroads.”
She said it but there was a part of her that knew she didn’twantto try. That she already knew Laurence would disappoint her. That she already knew, just as she’d known from the moment she said yes, that all of this was a terrible mistake.
“Today is the picnic,” she continued, trying to ignore those terrible feelings. “I’ll make more of an effort there.”
“Good.” Her aunt smiled, but her eyes remained troubled. “We’ll get through this, my dear. Together.”
Julia slid an arm around her aunt and rested a head on her shoulder. They were silent for a while, just trying to find comfort in each other. But there was little to be had when she pictured Laurence and felt such emptiness. And when thoughts of a brief moment on a terrace with his cousin made her feel so much more.
CHAPTER 11
It was the perfect day for a picnic down at the lake on the edge of the property. Alexander should have been thrilled to be wandering down the long path toward it, reveling in memories of the many times he’d done the same since he was a child.
But in this moment he wasn’t reminiscing or enjoying the uncommon warmth of the late spring day. No, he was too focused on watching the group of partygoers making their way to the picnic spot. His cousin led the merry band, chatting with their old friends and his neighbors with great excitement.
A few paces back from him was Julia. She walked with her aunt and there was a little circle around her where no one else came near. Almost a bubble that kept her from the group. Once more she seemed to be isolated and his cousin appeared oblivious to the separation.
Alexander couldn’t see her face, of course. He had no idea what she felt about the walk or the segregation or anything else. But there was something about the slight slump to her shoulders, the bend to her neck that spoke to him of loneliness and pain.
Not exactly the obvious emotion of a wicked courtesan who was trying to wheedle her way into a family for their position and money. Wouldn’t that kind of storybook villainess care little for the opinions of others? Wouldn’t she revel in her role? It was more proof to what he’d already begun to believe, which was that she wasn’t that at all. That she was so much more.
They all passed through the last part of the wooded path and out into a meadow at the end of the fine lake that was part of the property. Wildflowers grew in bursts of color amongst the soft green and there blankets had been spread for sitting and tables laden with mounds of food for the enjoyment of the guests.
Laurence stepped away from the group and up a small rise in the meadow where he looked down on the others like they were his flock. “I thought I should say a few words. This party has been nothing but a pleasure this last week. I have so enjoyed celebrating with all of you. And I hope you’ll find just as much enjoyment in the delights that have been prepared here this afternoon.”
The crowd murmured their thanks and began to spread out around the meadow, taking plates to fill and finding places on the blankets where they could sit and chat and enjoy the day.
Alexander didn’t move from his place. While Laurence’s speech had been benign enough on the surface, it felt so cold. He hadn’t even mentioned his wedding or his bride. It was as if this was just a regular summer gathering of friends. Julia was hardly part of it.
There was something about that fact that stirred anger in Alexander’s chest on her behalf. And it put even more questions into his mind about what the hell was going on here.
He moved toward the blanket where Laurence had settled himself and was now talking closely with the daughter of one of the men from the shire. He jolted as Alexander took a place beside him.
“Ah, Alexander, what a fine day, isn’t it? Do you remember Miss Garrington? She’s the daughter of one of my stewards.”
