If I kept this up, I was going to wear a path into my living room floorandbecome a professional pacer. To think, a month ago I’d hardly ever paced at all, but now, I kept going at it like the little engine that fucking could.
It was getting late, but sleep or even going to bed were the furthest things from my mind. Every second that ticked by felt like it was pressing a blade even deeper into my chest. Jesse was out on a date with Eliza.
My Eliza. Well, let’s be real. She’s just Eliza. Nothing of mine, but still.
I shoved a hand through my hair—again—and turned when I reached the unlit fireplace, my bare feet scuffing quietly against the floor. All my lights were on, but the room still managed to feel dim.
If anything, she’s hisElizanow.
I exhaled slowly, stopping when I reached the window and bracing my hands on the sill. Staring out at the city lights blurring in the distance, I wondered if they were still at dinner or if they’d gone home yet.
It was going to kill me, this constant speculation about what she was doing. Who she was doing it with. Justmissing herwasgoing to take an extra year off my life for every day we were apart.
Whatever happened to me though, I deserved it. I’d tricked her. Lied to her. She was right not to trust me. Why would she?
I’d given her absolutely every reason not to. Then, to add insult to injury, I hadn’t even fought for her. Instead, I’d told her that Jesse was a good guy and I’d asked him to take care of her, basically giving him permission to run off into the sunset with the woman I loved.
That was the part that I kept circling back to, over and over again. I hadn’t fought. I’d just stepped back and let Jesse take over.
I’d acted like I didn’t have a say in my own life. Pushing away from the window, I shook my head at myself. “Fucking idiot. That’s what you are.”
These last few days, I’d been telling myself it was respect, but it wasn’t. It was cowardice.
I stopped abruptly in the middle of the room, the realization dawning that I couldn’t keep doing this. If I did, I’d regret it forever and I couldn’t live that way. I couldn’t live the rest of my life with what-ifs and maybes hanging over me.
Jesse wasn’t in love with her right now, but he would be. One day. I needed to talk to her now, before I ended up waiting so long that I hurt her again and snapped my brother’s heart in half in the process.
Which meant I had to do it tonight. Not tomorrow. This had all gone completely way too fucking far already.Now.
Before it was too late.
I finally—fucking finally—stopped pacing and strode to the counter, grabbing my keys and heading for the door. Nate had told me that Eliza had left their condo a couple days ago, citing that they were newlyweds and that she’d stayed long enough.
At least she’d told Kate which hotel she’d checked into. Nate had told me, so here I was, the littleenginethat could turning to the littlestalkerthat would.Yay for me.
Every red light I ran into on my way over felt personal, every slow-moving car in front of me a direct attack on the little patience I had left. By the time I pulled up outside her hotel, my pulse was racing and I didn’t bother with valet, just pulling into the first available spot and jumping out, slamming the door behind me.
If anyone had asked me after what the lobby looked like, I would have denied ever even having been in the hotel for the amount of attention I paid. I crossed straight to the front desk, the only part of the place that was important right now, and immediately offered the receptionist a smile that probably bordered on grotesque.
“Hi,” I said, my voice thankfully coming out calmer than I felt. “I’m here for Eliza Roderick.”
“Of course, sir. One moment.” The woman gave me a polite, professional smile as she typed on her computer.
I nodded, tapping my fingers lightly against the counter with my eyes flicking toward the elevators every so often, like she might step out of one at any second if I just kept checking.
The woman looked back up at me, the apologetic smile that preceded her words instantly making my stomach drop. “I’m sorry. Ms. Roderick checked out about three hours ago.”
Every bodily function I had stalled. “She checked out?”
“Yes sir, Mr. Westwood,” she said. “She requested one of our shuttles. We arranged transport to the airport.”
Mr. Westwood. Well, that’s great. Looks like we’re back on the news.
Gossip was the least of my worries right now, though. Word of Jesse’s engagement was bound to spread. I was actually a little surprised it had taken this long.
The more pressing issue was the fact that people didn’t just accidentally go to the airport. I barely even glanced at the receptionist again. “Thank you.”
Already spinning to run to my car, I didn’t notice any more of the lobby on my way out than I had on my way in. Traffic was horrific on the way to the airport, the drive a complete fucking disaster. It was gridlocked in places, inching forward at a pace that made my skin itch.
