“Wonderful.”Great. Love that for us.“I just thought it was worth acknowledging. At least things were already awkward, right?”
“It’s not like they could get much more awkward,” he agreed. “Anything else I need to know about heirs or the patriarchy?”
“No, I’m sure you’ll learn all about the requirements for the passing of the title and whatnot when the time comes. For now, the only thing I wanted to discuss is that I’m going to return to England at the end of the week. I’ll stay there until the wedding.”
I’d made the decision after Will had left that night. I was done with Chicago for now. I’d give it a few more nights to tie up whatever loose ends needed to be tied, but then I was going home for the time being. To lick my wounds in private, between the safe walls of the castle.
Jesse nodded again. “That’s probably wise.”
I blinked a few times, not expecting him to agree so readily, without any pushback or even an attempt to change my mind. He was simply agreeing, and that made it very clear that he was just as uninterested in forcing this connection as I was.
We sat there for a moment longer, the reality of it settling between us as our food arrived. This wasn’t a love story. It was an arrangement, a practical, necessary, completely unromantic future for us both.
We ate in relative silence, declined dessert, and he paid without any fanfare. After walking me out of the restaurant, he pointed toward a black town car. “That’s your ride. You know Arnold, right? He’ll get you back to the hotel safely.”
“Of course. Thank you. That was very kind.” I finally managed to force a smile, then gave him a stiff wave goodbye.After watching him stride to the parking lot across the street, I decided to forgo the hired driver.
I popped my head into the car to tell Arnold I’d be walking, but didn’t wait for a response before I wrapped my cardigan tighter around my shoulders and took off down the sidewalk. Over the last few days, I’d done my fair share of walking around the hotel I’d gotten a room in after leaving Nate and Kate’s condo. I knew the neighborhood well enough by now to be able to get myself back.
As I strolled down a block that was slowly becoming familiar to me, I thought about that dinner we’d just had. It turned out Will had been right about his brother after all. There was nothing wrong with Jesse. He really wasn’t a bad guy.
My heels clicked softly against the concrete as I walked, like they were trying to keep time with all the thoughts I couldn’t outrun. Because the thing was, there was absolutely nothing wrong with himexceptthe fact that he wasn’t Will.
Jesse was polite, honest, and straightforward in a way that probably worked very well for him in every other area of his life. Obviously, he was precisely as gorgeous as his brother, the only difference being that Jesse’s style—in hair style and clothing—was slightly more roguish and carefree.
The fact of it was that even though he was perfectly fine, he and I together were just… wrong. Painfully, obviously, and undeniably wrong.
I pulled my cardigan tighter around me as rain started to fall. It was light enough at first, almost tentative.Almost like the sky isn’t fully committed yet. If you ask me, it’s lucky it has that option.
Within seconds, however, it seemed to change its mind, suddenly going for it with all its might. I broke into a jog, rushing toward an awning just ahead and ducking under it before I could get completely drenched.
After tucking myself against the wall, I glanced out at the quiet street, watching the rain pour down in relentless, angry sheets. There were no other pedestrians out anymore, obviously all having had the sense to shelter inside as soon as the first drops had begun.
Around me, open crates of vegetables and a newspaper stand were my only company under the awning, an open door along the wall allowing the sounds of a television to spill out from inside. I considered going in, possibly purchasing something in return for the use of their shelter, but instead of moving right away, I just stood there.
Until now, the loudest emotions I’d been feeling were stupidity and betrayal. They were the ones that made the most sense, after all, but as I watched the rain splash down on a foreign street instead of the country roads around the castle, something else started to break through. Something a lot more honest, but a lot more painful too.
The truth was that I didn’t want to marry Jesse. Not because there was anything wrong with him, but because there wasn’t anythingrighteither.
That would’ve been bad enough, given my situation. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there. If it had, I could’ve gone back to my original plan and scoured the internet until I found a more appropriate match. But if I was truly honest with myself, I didn’t want to marry anyone at all. No one except… Will.
I was still mad at him. Furious, even. He’d lied to me every day for weeks. Istilldidn’t even know if anything that had happened between uswasreal. He’d said it was, but I couldn’t trust that.And yet…
A flash of light from the window beside me snapped me from my thoughts. At first, I thought it had been lightning reflected in the glass, but I turned toward it instinctively and realized I’d been wrong.
The TV inside the bodega had changed to the news and an anchor was now speaking, her voice muted through the glass, but the headline scrolling across the bottom was impossible to miss. As was the picture of Jesse suddenly filling the screen.
The American news was talking about the Westwoods upcomingroyal wedding.
I stared at it, unable to fathom for a moment that this was truly happening but that was my life they were talking about. My future had been reduced to a headline and a smiling photo of a man I barely knew.
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. One thought tumbled through my head on repeat as the picture on the screen changed to something else, something far less relevant that I wished they’d been reporting on all along. But they hadn’t and seeing their previous story had made me more certain than I’d ever been of anything in my life.
I can’t do this. No matter the consequences. I just absolutely cannot go through with it.
CHAPTER 41
WILL
