“Whatever. It’s just another compromise.” I got up, moving to the bathroom and leaving her behind. I closed the door and stared into the mirror for a while. Eventually, I splashed my face with cold water and decided that I could do anything if it meant I’d get a real fresh start.
I got through the rest of the day with Lily’s help.
As soon as it was reasonable to do so, I crawled into bed. The boys and Lily tried to get me to play longer; it was still an hour before lights out, but I was depleted. An empty balloon.
If I’d known what the next day would bring, maybe I’d have given into their pleas. Maybe I’d have enjoyed myself a little, had I known what new hell I was about to enter. No one could predict the future though, not even with a crystal ball.
The day it happened...
I wokeup the next day with a singular thought.
If playing poster girl for Hearts Over Seattle would let me stay in the shelter with Lily and the boys—I’d finally remembered their names; the older brother was Mateo and the youngest was Julian—I would suck it up and do what I had to do. In a matter of days, I’d felt the first real sparks of belonging. Even the boys’ mother, Lucia, was wonderful. Besides, would it really be so bad? I’d been the cause of a lot of Fortune pack bad press back in the day. This time, I would use my paparazzi powers for good.
It was after breakfast, when the boys were teasing Josie with a feather they’d found in the park yesterday and Lily was diligently reading a driver’s manual—she’d never had the chance to practice and test for her license—that Sister Grant unexpectedly arrived at room 6again. She called out a ‘room check’ warning and opened the door immediately after. Though we all scrambled, we couldn’t hide Josie quickly enough.
The Beta sister stared down at the cat, who was currently rolling on her back because she’d been batting at the feather held by Julian. Then, one by one, she’d locked eyes with every person in the room.
“Well, I’m afraid this is an unpleasant surprise. You all know that animals are strictly prohibited in the facility. It typically means immediate dismissal.” She spoke sternly, zero trace of the kindly grandmother figure she’d always been. It seemed like a disproportionate response to finding a playful cat.
“It’s my fault,” I said quickly, cutting off Lily who’d tried to get a word out before me. “I snuck her in the first night. She’s been with me since she was a kitten.”
“If that’s so, Tessa, then the weight of accountability will fall on you.” She raised both eyebrows, studying me.
“It’s the truth. I asked them all to lie for me. It’s completely my fault.” I’d be damned if I let Lucia and her boys or Lily get kicked out because of me.
“They agreed and concealed. I would not say they are without fault,” Sister Grant reasoned, pursing her lips now. “But I will not blame them if you wish to accept full responsibility.”
“I do,” I rushed out the words, slapping my right palm against my chest for emphasis.
“Very well,” she said, “It’s for the best anyway. I’m afraid the wonderful offer the good father made yesterday cannot come to fruition.”
“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong, but please don’t kick us out. I can’t be without Josie, but I can’t go back to the streets, Sister Grant. I don’t think I can survive it again. I’m more than happy to do whatever the father has in mind. I could be a great for optics, remember?” Before I realized it, tears were streaming down my face.
“Please gather your things, Tessa. Even if I allowed you to stay, you couldn’t,” she sounded a bit melancholy when she spoke this time. And Ididn’t understand her words.Why couldn’t I stay, if she allowed me? That didn’t make sense!
“I’m begging you, sister, please don’t do this.” Giant, splashing tears hit the silky, soiled tank. Lily came up beside me and wrapped her arms around me.
“Sister Grant, this isn’t fair,” she moaned out, fighting her own tears. The boys were crying too, their mother comforting them through it.
“The rules apply to everyone. I can’t make exceptions.” The sister looked at the ground, then back up. “I really can’t help, Tessa. I am sorry for that. The church has... partnerships that come first sometimes. For the good of the ministry as a whole,” she tacked on the last bit quickly, as if to justify it to herself more than to me.
“I don’t understand,” I whimpered. “Hearts Over Seattle just made the offer. What partnership would have a problem with the church playing savior to the last surviving Fortune? It’ll be national news.”
“I can’t explain, child,” she sighed, looking smaller and older now somehow. “All I can grant you is thirty minutes to say your goodbyes and get your things in order.”
Mistakenly, I’d thought the worst that could happen was behind me, so nothing could touch me anymore. For a fleeting moment, I’d let light back into my dark life. I’d accepted help, and friendship. I’d… connected with people. Days had felt like years, like I’d been here for ages and these people were my lifeline.
I stayed motionless, rooted to the same spot for precious minutes. Even as I felt Lily stoop to the ground next to me and lift my feet, one by one, while a weird sort of ripping sound greeted my ears, I didn’t move. Both boys tugged at my jacket sleeve, trying to get my attention. Lucia stood off to the side, face ghostly, as if she’d seen this tragic play too many times already. Lily brought me back to life when she stood back up, pushing Josie into my arms, as if she knew that was the only thing to wake me from the nightmare.
I couldn’t stop crying as I loaded Josie into the briefcase. Then it was a flurry of quick hugs, quick goodbyes, darting out the door and notlooking back… because if I did, I’d fight tooth and nail to stay, even to the point of self-destruction.
It wasn’t until I was out on the street that I realized Lily had taped my shoes together, making sure they wouldn’t fall apart. My lip quivered with emotion when I saw the quick, efficient work. It reminded me of the bell. But in the end, it hadn’t mattered. Josie had still been discovered.
I moved like a zombie, not knowing where to go. There was zero chance my spot in the underpass hadn’t been claimed. I’d gone three blocks before I remembered the money, so I changed direction. A car whizzed by as I stumbled, spitting up gutter water left over from last night’s rain. It splashed against me, soaking and further staining my clothes. When I got to the shitty motel, I felt like half a person. No, not half. I felt like a hollowed-out person. The shell of a human being. Just the skin somehow still pumped full of air so that, though dead, it looked alive.
I paid for one night instead of the week. Something Sister Grant said was still boomeranging in my head.
Even if I allowed you to stay, you couldn’t.
