Anyone else going off with that kind of sweetness, I’d think they were being patronizing. Alyssa, I don’t think she had it in her. “I’m really okay,” I said, after a second. “Thanks, though.”
“She did talk about you a lot, you know. I mean, I hadn’t heard about any of the arguments happening here lately, because it was at the same time thatmylife was falling apart a little back in Boston, so I didn’t actually know she’d stopped talking to you, but I can attest that she really likes you.”
I sighed, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. “Mm.”
“I’ve actually been invested in your friendship,” she laughed, and she gave me a small, vulnerable look from the corner of her eye. “Well… I was. Maybe you weren’t as attached?”
“Dunno.” My voice was more clipped than it should have been. I was doing that thing again. I tried to just focus on driving.
“Sorry,” she said.
“Don’t apologize.”
“Okay, well… okay.”
I drove another few minutes kicking myself before we came up to the street to Daniela’s house, and I slowed to a stop in the driveway in front of her cute house with the bright yellow shutters. That girl did love her yellows.
“Well, here we are,” I said, and she gave me a small, distant smile.
“I really appreciate this. Honesty.”
“Don’t even mention it.” I slumped back in the seat. “Look—sorry. I know I shouldn’t be so touchy.” The words tumbled out of me before I could think them through, but what the hell. Alyssa was my person I could talk to about these things. “It’s just hard with Daniela especially because she was my closest friend, together with Cat. For a while there, we were spending every minute together, and sometimes, when I see how quickly she pulled away from me over this—how easily she dropped it all like there was nothing—I just wonder if… if any of it meant anything.”
That was too much. Too much by far. I clutched the steering wheel hard, trying not to notice Alyssa’s wide-eyed stare at me. “Jade…”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to go on a whole tirade. Just… I’m not mad at you for talking about Daniela or whatever. Just wanted to explain. Do you need to get inside?”
She kept staring at me until I felt itchy all over. “Do you have feelings for Daniela?”
“I—” I put a hand over my face, massaging the bridge of my nose. “How would I, when she doesn’t even acknowledge I’m there?”
“Didyou have feelings for Daniela?”
“Hell if I know. I’m not good with feelings.” I groaned, slouching back in the seat. “Okay, I don’t know. Maybe a little. We spent a lot of time together. We definitely had something special. But even if I did, what does it matter now? Ugh… I’m turning you into my therapist.”
“I’m not asking as a therapist, I’m asking as a friend,” she said. “And even if those feelings weren’t going to go anywhere because of what happened, it’s still important to acknowledge them, I think. I mean, everyone has feelings.”
I stared down for a while, just listening to the music, before I said, “Yeah, maybe. You might be right.”
“Well, first time for everything.”
“Stop,” I laughed, nudging her arm, and I sighed. I felt lighter even before I said it. “Yeah, I had a crush on her, I think. But that was then, and this is now.”
“Mm.” She nodded. She did the same thing as Cat, where a silence could stretch out and I didn’t feel pressured to fill it. I relaxed, listening to the music, letting my mind spin around the thoughts, before she said, “Do you think you might still have those feelings if she were to come around, apologize for making you feel pushed out?”
“Dunno.” My chest felt tangled. “Wouldn’t matter, though, would it? I’m not sticking around.” Of course, was that relevant? She wasn’t planning on sticking around, but apparently she was happy flirting with Abby. I needed to get the image out of my head.
“Of course it matters,” she laughed. “They’re still your feelings. I’m not saying you’d be going off and getting married, just asking about your feelings.”
“Huh.” I shrugged. “Well, maybe we’ll see if it comes to that. But I don’t see that happening any time soon.”
“You never know.” She winked. God, what an annoying wink. Seriously, she had that kind of annoying cute charm that made you want to do whatever she was asking, and I couldn’t believe the audacity of it. “Who knows what tomorrow may bring?”
“All right, motivational poster girl. I guess you never know. Now, do you need to get inside?”
She laughed. “I don’t mind being motivational poster girl. Thanks for driving me. I’ll, um…” She paled, freezing with her hand on the door handle. “I’ll be, um…”
“Alyssa?” I turned to her, my senses sharpening. “What’s wrong?”
