“Oh—” Oh, Jesus, she was talking about me. About me? I thought she was just being funny, just playing. Or—she probably still was. “I’m not. I’m, uh…”
“Alyssa—hi, dear,” Charlie’s voice said, coming in at the worst moment, and I looked at where she came up to the two ofus smiling sweetly at me. “I’m glad we’re keeping up the streak of seeing each other every day.”
“Oh, yeah—” I laughed, short and sudden and confused, plastering on a smile. “Hi, Charlie. How are you doing? Have you had the food? Cat’s trifle isreallygood.”
“I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure yet,” she said. “But if that’s your recommendation, I guess I’ll take it.”
Daniela rejoined me, a hand on my shoulder. No sign of Jade in the building. So she’d left… “I should have known you’d leave to go grab a snack and end up with a cluster of friends instead,” Daniela laughed.
Oh, Jesus, I wasn’t clearing anything up with Abby at this rate. I mean—was she actually hitting on me? Was there anything to clear up? I’d never had a girl hit on me before. She was really pretty, but there was no chance I was going to start dating someone here. Or did she just want to… uh…? Jesus, I think I was blushing. I wasn’t looking for that either, and I didn’t need to be thinking about it in a public place. “I do love friends,” I said, a response that was probably kind of weird even if Ididn’tthink about it for like three solid seconds before I said it.
“What are we chatting about?” she said, and Abby nudged my arm.
“I was just going to see if Kaitlyn’s breaking anything,” she said. “But I’ll text you about Sleepy Hollow.”
Wait—I’d said yes to doing something with the two of us. Had I agreed to a date? Cat had asked me, so I thought it was normal. Abbywaspretty, and it was good for my self-esteem, but after everything with Sawyer—after everything this morning—going on a date was the last thing I wanted. “Coffee,” was what I blurted after a few seconds too many again. Jesus, there was so much wrong with me. “Yeah, sounds good. Um… I’ll see you.”
I groaned once she left, and Daniela raised an eyebrow at me.
“You good?”
“I’m good…”
Charlie was the one to speak up. “She was flirting with you, wasn’t she?”
“I figured she was just playing around,” I mumbled. Daniela laughed.
“Ah, she is. She just wants the chase. She’d get bored with you before long.” She paused. “Unless,” she said, with an eyebrow waggle, “you want to take a shot at taming the rogue.”
Charlie spoke up. “You’d be a cute couple,” she said, and I forced a smile even though it felt like a vice constricting around my chest.
“Oh—thanks,” I laughed awkwardly. “I wouldn’t want to… I mean, it’s just what I was saying, I’m not in a good place for dating right now.”
Daniela nodded in understanding, but Charlie didn’t get it—I mean, how could she? I hadn’t told her I was on the run. Hadn’t told either of them Sawyer had messaged me this morning. Charlie took a dish of the trifle, speaking absently while she did. “I understand that,” she said. “Big life changes aren’t a good time for these things. But love always gets you when you’re least ready for it, doesn’t it?”
Jesus, I couldn’t imagine what Sawyer would do if he found me here and learned I was dating a girl. He hadn’t been… homophobic or anything when I came out, but he’d been angry about why I even brought it up, saying it didn’t matter if we were in a committed relationship, not unless I was trying to cheat. I’d apologized a million times and cried where he couldn’t see me, feeling hollow with the way he wouldn’t pay me any attention for days after. If he found me on a date with a woman, he’d assume I left him for her—probably that I’d been cheating with her and then left him to go be with her—and he’d have one of his episodes.
“Alyssa?” Daniela said, and I realized how much I’d shut down, my thoughts dark and heavy like cold waters at night. “Are you okay?” she said, and I saw the concern in her eyes—she probably knew exactly where my thoughts were going. I couldn’t let her see me like this.
“Yeah, I just… sorry, I’m feeling kind of lightheaded all of a sudden,” I said. “I’ll just grab some fresh air.”
“Oh—all right,” Daniela said. “I’ll come with you.”
“Oh, no, please—please just enjoy yourself.” My tone came across—subtly sayingI need a second—and she shrank away a little, but she nodded in understanding as I stepped back and walked out the side door to the terrace seating, empty right now with it still being cold out, and I dropped into a chair, breathing hard.
I needed to pull my thoughts back out of this hole. But it had a grip on me—the harder I tried to climb out, the more it tightened around me. How long did I have here? What was I going to do when he found me? Was there anything I could do? Or was it…
“Alyssa?”
My name jerked me out of the thought spiral once again, and I looked up at where Jade sat down across from me, her eyes fixed on mine.
“Do you need to go?”
“I-I’m so sorry,” I said, sitting upright. “I didn’t realize you were here, I thought… thought you went home already.”
“Nah.” She looked away. “Just needed to get out for a bit.”
“I wasn’t trying to have a freakout on you.”
