In walks Karina Nguyen, looking even more modellish than usual. Her long hair is curled in loose waves, as though it’s just something she did the other day, all casual like. She’s poured into a figure-hugging gold dress that’s utterly incongruent with the assortment of pyjamas and loungewear the rest of us are wearing, but that’s the show, I guess.
This time she’s followed by her husband, Lucas, dressed in a slim, tailored, brown suit that beautifully complements his dark brown skin tone. He’s incredibly handsome, and I notice several of the girls go gooey as he approaches. I wonder how Karina feels about seeing that: proud or jealous?
Together they look fresh from the red carpet.
‘Hello, ladies,’ calls Karina in a sing-song voice.
‘Hello, Karina,’ we chorus back, with a few people awkwardly adding ‘and Lucas’ at the end.
‘It’s so nice to see you all again,’ he says. ‘I’ve been spending time with the men you’ve been dating and I can see just how lucky some of them are.’ It appears that Lucas is the kind of man who can gently call a whole room of women absolutely smoking, in front of his wife, without coming across as a total lech.
‘As you’re aware, the show airs a few days behind what’s going on in here, and so last night the first episode aired,’ Karina explains.
This sends a shiver down my spine. I didn’t realise they’d tell us this – the last thing we need is to think about the public reactions. God, I hope my mum hasn’t been screamingobscenities at my behaviour at the telly. She hasn’t even seen the worst of it yet. I hope no one will.
Lucas smiles as Karina looks to him to continue, and I wonder how much they rehearse these bits in private. ‘As part of that, we decided this year to involve the public a bit more in the decision-making process.’
My stomach drops. This is new. What do they mean they’ve involved the public?
Clearly, the other girls are as horrified about this as I am because you could slice the tension with a knife and serve it up on a pretty plate. But none of us say a word, because you’re not supposed to. Not when the hosts are talking. All we can do is non-verbally react, and boy, are they getting their meme’s-worth from some of our faces captured by roving cameras.
‘What that means,’ Karina continues, her voice steady and calming, ‘is that we’ll be polling the audience on who they think are the most compatible couples, and in turn that’ll be an opportunity for you guys to win dates, or extra things for your wedding package.’
Okay, that’s notsobad. I can work with that.
‘And if we end up with a lot of engaged couples, itmightjust help us decide which storylines to follow to the honeymoon stage.’
I relaxed too soon.
Normally, every couple you see on the US series goes on honeymoon, bar perhaps one or two who break up immediately. I know from the post-show podcasts that if a couple is dropped for mysterious reasons (let’s be real, often the contestants of colour), it might be because production don’t like a couple’s storyline.
I felt confident playing the game when I just had production to tangle with, because I did the research. I studied hard, I read every single testimony from contestants, all thebehind-the-scenes interviews, every leak on Reddit, for fuck’s sake.
And now, to find out that it might be just down to the public is… Well. It’s a variable I hadn’t considered.
Lucas takes a thick piece of card out of his inside jacket pocket. ‘In fact, we’ve got some preliminary comments you might be interested in.’
Everyone gasps, and not just because we’re trying to make good television. Whit’s fingernails bite into my shoulder.
‘We asked the public which couples they thought were the most genuine out of all the current pairings active in the first episode they’ve seen, which includes the early days of the experiment,’ Karina explains.
‘As you might remember,Wedded Bliss’s core themes are Communication, Cooperation and Compatibility, so we wanted the viewers to consider all aspects of that,’ Lucas adds.
Yeah, fucking right. This is a popularity contest. Public votes always are. And the white couples tend to be the ones who come out on top.
Karina gives us all a beauty queen smile. ‘We thought you’d like to know the top four pairs, as voted by the viewers.’
‘In ascending order.’ Lucas clears his throat dramatically, before shooting a smile right at what I assume is the camera production told him to just look down. ‘At number four, we have Lina and Zack.’
There’s a smattering of applause and Lina blushes bright red. All nice to be chosen, butZack? I didn’t even know she was dating him, let alone why the public like him. I’m pretty sure the only thing I wrote down in my notebook was how many times he brought up being a nice guy and how nice guys are often misunderstood. Boke central. Now we’re roommates I probably have a moral duty to talk to her about that. As long as I don’t kiss her too.
‘Our third most compatible pairing is…’ teases Karina, ‘Dolly and Warren.’
Now this is a surprise. I let the relief and excitement I genuinely feel flood my face. Hopefully this means we’ve got a good edit. I wonder if that means the general public have seen Warren and me talk about our family yet. The world isn’t kind to disabled people, but the people who look after them? Oh yeah, we get all the cookies and everyone thinks we’re saints. It frustrates the hell out of me usually, but here the cookies mean something. Saintliness could turn into cold hard cash.
I wonder how my mum feels about that. Probably as bad as she felt when I told her I was coming here.
I wonder who has beaten us through. I hate myself for looking, but I glance over at Carys who is standing too-still, almost robotic. She does that sometimes, when she’s around everyone at once. Clams up tight like she’s hiding herself away.
