At the top of my screen are previews of messages sent to my family WhatsApp, 24 Penrhos, named after our address, which seems like bad personal security.
I don’t want to interrupt their chat about Dai the butcher’s impassioned affair with Phyllis from the chemist from the town over, but this is probably my last chance to say goodbye.
Carys
Hiya, I’m nearly at the warehouse. I’ll text you in a few weeks, if not before. Remember you can call Rebecca Wallbank my chaperone if there’s an emergency. Love you all.
None of them questioned why I was going onWedded Bliss, which was probably the biggest confirmation of my tragic status. The only thing that spurred a reaction out of Mum was when I told her the show didn’t pay for makeup and wardrobe. Luckily, I’ve been working on my extensive vintage dress collection for years, and being dolled up every day will be a nice change from fleeces and leggings.
Del
Traa babs. Don’t come home with a dickhead.
Ang
Or the villain!! No Nasty Nicks or Adam Collards!
Del
How will she know who the villain is? Isn’t that all in the editing?
Mum
don’t get Carys’d away, have a good time, love you muchly.
I wince. My parents used to say that to me when I was a sometimes-too-impulsive kid with my head in the stars. Given I’m on my way to film a dating show where I marry someone, the horse might have bolted already.
Ang
Look for the red flags, Caz!!!
Del
Ask about his credit score.
Carys
I’ll try! Wish me luck.
Mum
Find a nice boy, like a doctor or a dentist, love you lots.
Del
Really? Someone who looks in people’s holes all day? Caz you can do better than that.
Ang
Caz looks at animal holes all day. Match made in heaven.
Carys
I really don’t look in that many holes.
Mum
girls please stop saying holes
