It’s not the first time they’ve told me to ask about financial stuff, but given I live off my overdraft and spend most of my day working with sheep, I’d feel hypocritical ruling someone out for their job. Unless they work for some kind of evil political party. We all have limits.
Before I can put my phone away, my group chat with just my sisters, affectionately called CadWallies, lights up.
Del
And don’t forget to ask for reasonable adjustments if you need them.
Del
I know you won’t but still.
Del
You should.
Ang
What she said, also don’t kiss frogs x
Del
Stay on message! >:(
Ang
I am!!!
Ang
That’s important too!!!!
They know me too well, because obviously I’m not going to do that. And yes, maybe I did lie to my sisters just atinybit by insinuating that production know I’m autistic, which they do not. But in my defence, I didn’t want them to worry. This way is better and I didn’ttechnicallylie.
Carys
I will be okay! I have a chaperone to support me :)
Truth is, I’m not going to ask for anything special. Everyone gets access to therapists if we need them, as well as a dedicated member of the production team to look after us. I’m sure that will be enough. My chaperone Reb seems nice enough.
I’m not ashamed of being autistic. I just didn’t want to risk being knocked out of the audition process. Or worse, risking the show positioning me as some kind of inspirational poster child for autistic adults finding love –The Undateablespart two. Barf. If that little omission means my scenes aren’t scored by cutesy, kid-show music about how adorable and sweet hearted it is that a disabled person can find love, then good. I’ll go stealth. If I need help with something, I’ll just talk about it on an individual issue level like ‘I’m overwhelmed’ or ‘I have a migraine’. Stuff that neurotypical people can understand easier than ‘I am upset because I don’t have my usual cup’.
The warehouse stage is only eight real days, even if they call it two weeks on the show. It’ll befine.
I doubt I’ll get found out. It’s not like neurotypical people know what autistic people are like anyway. I did the psychological assessment that all the contestants have to do, to make sure we’re safe to go on the show, and I made sure to answer the opposite way to the truth on a few things, just to be safe. There was no follow up, so I guess I did a good job of masking.
I just get read as slightly kooky. That’s what people have been saying about me since I was a kid.She’s a character. She’s unique. Oh, isn’t she like Jess from New Girl.I can live in those awkward, eccentric girl stereotypes if it gets me what I want.
A final message comes through to the family group chat.
Dad
Bye.
Effusive as ever.
Five minutes pass, then ten. The back of my thighs are sweating so much that I’m sticking to the seat, and yet the air con is so high I’m in danger of arriving at the warehouse looking like I have two of the Eryri peaks in my bra. I’m back to tapping on my chest, wondering why people honk when it just makes everyone so upset.
Suddenly everyone is beeping in a cacophony so body-rattling that I almost vomit all over my sundress. That or meltdown, and I’m not sure which is worse. Vomit is easier to explain away, but then it’s everyone else’s problem.
