‘I’m glad I got to be one of your mistakes, though,’ I insist, and the audience takes the bait and cheers, drowning Bridget’s protestations.
‘Give it a rest, Bridget,’ snaps Lina, which might be the most surprising moment of the night. ‘Patrick forgave her, didn’t you?’
Patrick startles as he realises he’s being addressed. ‘Oh yes!’
‘Focus on your own flop of a marriage,’ Lina says, and Bridget storms out, slowly followed by Jackson, trying to keep his composure.
I love gobby Lina. She’s found so much more confidence now she’s bossing around children and adults into impossible shapes on land and sea.
‘Can I just say,’ Carys begins, her voice wobbling, ‘I think everyone expects me to be a spokesperson on autism and bisexuality, and I’m not ready for that. The people who do stand up and give advice are amazing and have helped me so, so much. But I’m not sure that’s really me, or who I want to be either. I need to focus on understanding myself.’
I’m really proud of her for resisting that too. I think she feltsome pressure, inadvertently, from me talking a lot about my endometriosis online. I even met with hospitals in Merseyside, a few MPs and some charities to talk about the chronic underfunding and constant misunderstanding people with endometriosis get. But that’s because it’s something I want to do, not something I was pushed into.
Plus, endometriosis might rule my body with creepy little lesions, but it’s not as central to self as autism is for Carys. There’s historical hysterical stigma, but also I’m a gobby shite, so it’s way easier for me.
‘Just leave her alone with her goats, is what we’re saying,’ I add.
Saying all that, I’ve seen her unfold, more and more, over the past few months. That Carys I used to see glimpses of comes out all the time, and she’s been working hard on her own boundaries. I’ve been listening and learning about how best to support her.
I don’t think she’ll be able to drop all of her mask always and forever, but part of my job is to create a safe place where she doesn’t need to, and help her recover when she has had to mask. Guided by her, of course.
The fiddly little tea dresses remain, for now, but she’s started experimenting a bit more with her fashion, how she presents herself. I got a jumpscare a few months ago when I found her in one of my old plaid shirts and jeans, but she looked so happy. I didn’t even know Carys knew where to buy jeans.
But it all builds up to a new Carys, or rather, the Carys she wants to be.
It took a few months, but Carys got a job working on a city farm in Liverpool where she’s pretty much running the educational side of things. I’ve seen her light up when she goes to work, and even though autism means it drains her battery quicker than it would an allistic person, she loves it.
She got a flat, near to Mum’s house, and I’m splitting time between the two for now, while we work out what our family setup is going to look like long term. Hopefully a house big enough for us all, with a ground floor bedroom and bathroom for Mum.
‘Well, we atWedded Blissare extremely proud to stand with the queer community, and are pleased to say we are nominated for several inclusivity awards!’ says Karina gleefully, because well, of course they have. I’m not really sure they earned it given everything, but there we go.
‘Dolly,’ begins Lucas and I know what’s coming. ‘Would you like to respond to accusations that your relationship with Warren was faked?’
I have this answer pre-prepared. ‘I’d say excuse me, have you looked at him? No one can resist his charm.’ It’s what Carys calls my fairy answer – there’s no lies, but no truths about me either.
The audience falls for it, cheering and wolf whistling and generally throwing themselves at Warren’s size 14 feet.
‘Wow, we’ve got some Warren fans in tonight!’ cries Karina.
The camera focuses on his face, and Warren laughs, looks right down the lens and says, ‘Hello.’
The audience goes wild again, even though he’s just right there.
‘You and Dolly have gone from success to success with your content online, including your seriesTeaching My Ex to CookandTeaching My Ex Basketball,’ Lucas says, clearly reading the series titles off the teleprompter.
‘The response has been mad. Like these guys,’ he laughs, thumbing at the audience who take the cue to scream their desire at him again. God, he’s good, and helovesit. I wasn’t wrong about him doing well post-breakup, and he was bang on correct about the heartbroken lover playing perfectly for him. The man was getting panties mailed to his management’s office!
I would say we’ve been incredibly lucky, but reallyIhave been incredibly lucky, not only that we’ve done so well, but that we’re still peas in a pod. Travelling around Mum’s care isn’t always easy, so he comes up to Liverpool on his days off to film and be bossed around.
‘It’s been so amazing, and we can film content around my games schedule, as I’m back playing for the London Phoenixes – come see us play, people!’ The screen behind Warren shows footage from some of their last games, of a sweaty, toned Warren running around and looking godly. ‘And, I think it’s alright for me to share that Dolly and I are in talks to bring our concepts tootherscreens, if you know what I mean.’
There’s quite a lot of excitement in the audience, which is great news, because our cooking show has already been greenlit. It’s wild that we still get to follow our dreams as friends.
‘Has it been hard, working with the woman you thought you’d marry?’ Lucas asks, clutching a hand over his heart.
Warren adopts what Carys calls his heartbreaker face. It reminds me of boyband music videos when they’re trying to be a bit deep and sad. ‘It was hard, to begin with. But I still have Dolly as my very best friend, and that love I had for her has morphed to the most wonderful platonic relationship we could ever have dreamed of. She’s my work-wife!’
I blow him a kiss as the audience goes gooey for him. Oh, he’s getting a few numbers tonight.
