‘If he wants the public to know he’s a serial spaffer then go for it,’ I mutter.
There’s a pair of empty chairs opposite Malachi and Whit’s setting, obviously for the Nguyens, who typically arrive right at the point we’re arguing whether he should be known as the Weekly Wanker or the Compulsive Cock-wrangler.
‘Well, sounds like we’re off to a spirited start,’ Karina says.
Lucas pulls out the chair for her and she sits down, and I note that none of the other men did that except Warren, who was covering that I really needed help moving about.
Whit and Malachi sitting opposite Lucas and Karina makes a special kind of sense. The future Mr and Mrs Vempati-Campbell are the clear winners and on track to make television history. It’s clear production love them too.
Warren and I might be good actors, but there’s nothing likeactual real deallove on a show like this to win over the hearts and minds of the nation. It’s a wonderful wild thing to see two people falling in love. Anyway, the couple who come in second tend to be the ones with the longer-lasting careers. Perhaps without the pressure of being The Winners, there’s a little more freedom and a little less scrutiny? It’s a trend no one understands and I’m not going to question it.
The waiting staff serve dim sum in huge bamboo steamers, stacked in one or two layers so as not to hide any faces for filming. The giant wafts of steam are scented with fresh herbs, prawns, a little spice.
‘So, how is everyone getting along?’ Lucas asks loudly down the table.
‘It’d be easier if she’d put her knickers in the washing hamper,’ Zack quips.
Poor Lina looks mortified.
I’m pretty sure the glass of wine in front of him is not actually his first drink of the day. I’m extremely tempted to kick him under the table. ‘Maybe you shouldn’t be airing your wife’s dirty laundry on television,’ I say, keeping my voice low.
‘That’s disrespectful, Zack,’ agrees Warren. ‘I’m really sorry, Lina.’
‘Thank you,’ she squeaks.
My death-glares must be obvious, because Carys briefly catches my eye. We said hello when everyone arrived, as is proper for when you’re being filmed unless you’re actively trying to start beef.
She looks different today. Gone is the cutesy retro look I’d got used to. Instead she wears a deep green silk dress that hugs her body, with an elegant Bardot neckline. The colour makes her fair skin pop and her hair glow. Honestly, it’s moresomething out of my wardrobe than hers.Sophisticated, I suppose, is the word I’m looking for. Like someone’s wife.
But I return her slightly worried look, glancing to Lina and back in question.
‘I’m the messy one,’ Whit says to move the conversation along.
‘Yeah, I was really surprised. I thought surgeons have to be really neat and that,’ Malachi says.
She shrugs. ‘That’s work brain. There’s no space for work brain at home or I might start slicing.’ She mimes her fingers into scissors and snips at Malachi, who giggles sweetly.
The conversation peters out after the normal back and forth of men leaving towels on the floor and toilet seats up (grim).
There’s a short moment of quiet while we eat, but it’s clear production are just waiting for us to get a little bit more wine into us. I notice one of the assistants give a signal to the Nguyens, reflected in one of the restaurant’s massive windows.
I brace myself for what comes next.
‘A major part of the apartments section of the experiment is intimacy,’ begins Karina. ‘Now, we know that some of you are… let’s just say, familiar with that already, but how are our other couples getting on?’
Lina stiffens as though she’s expecting Zack to say something dreadful, and the last thing I want to hear about is whether Patrick and Carys have finally slept together, so I take the stupid option and speak up. ‘Warren and I are working on building intimacy slowly. We obviously are dying for it—’ I break here for us both to laugh and look at each other in the eyes with adoration. ‘The physical desire is there for each of us, and we’re exploring intimacy in different ways.’
‘Can you tell us more about that?’ Karina asks.
I go on a long spiel about sharing as a form of intimacy, checking in on our feelings, different kinds of touch – hintingvery lightly at the sexual. It’s something I rehearsed earlier, but I think it comes out sounding natural enough.
I finish just before somewhere in my belly gives a huge, painful tug. I pick up my napkin to dab at my lips and cover the quietfuuuuuuckI hiss into it.
Warren slips a hand under the table, hovering above my thigh for me to take. I squeeze tightly, but his hands are the money-makers. I absolutely cannot fuck those up, so I drop it quickly.
‘What about the rest of you?’ Lucas asks.
‘Well,’ Zack begins, and I see everyone brace for disaster. ‘I’m not really sure if we have that kind of compatibility.’
