‘So, youhavedone stuff then?’ Bridget asks, leaning forward a little.
‘Lina told me that she didn’t think we had a spark,’ he says tightly.
To my confusion, Lina whips her head round, eyebrows furrowed. ‘That’s—’
‘I know you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but it did set me back a little, especially when everyone knows you got proposals from Cobey and me and had to take a moment to choose.’
Is that what happened? I feel bad that I never asked Lina what the deal with her situation was, but I was mostly confusedwhyshe would go after this ding-dong. Still, my bullshit alarms are ringing full pelt.
‘Oh, buddy, that’s difficult,’ says Jackson, a man who has never saidbuddybefore in his life. ‘And emasculating, I’m sure.’ His lips purse slightly as he tries to hide his shit-eating grin.
‘I didn’t say that!’ Zack backpedals quickly. ‘I just… it felt like just another occasion where maybe I’d been too nice upfront and made the relationship start off on the wrong foot. Like, was I too respectful of her?’
I’m quite positive I’m going to throw up, and for once it’snot entirely Zack’s doing. The cramping deepens and I’m working to stay upright. There’s nothing I can do. I’m going to have to try to walk to the bathroom to keep a sliver of dignity. And hope I don’t throw up all over this nice visually intense restaurant.
I pat Warren on the knee twice, as agreed. His look, as I get up from the table, says he’s registered my request that we exit soon. No one questions when I trot to the bathroom, and no one follows me.
Chapter Twenty-NineCarys
Lina Chen, 25, Glasgow, and Zack Allen, 31, Kent
ZACK Our intimacy challenge was fun!
LINA Um, yeah, we had some dice we had to roll and, well, whatever the dice said, you had to touch the other person there.
ZACK I kept getting neck. Poor Leens must feel like she’s marrying a vampire!
LINA I suspect those dice were weighted.
This might actually be the worst dinner party of my entire life.
I’m only just about managing to follow what’s happening; everyone’s conversations meld into a barrage of sound, and masking is extra hard because I can barely hear anyone. My lip reading is pretty good, but not when people eat or drink.
I hear only some of what Zack spews out because I can’t see him but I can tell by everyone’s reactions that he’s said something dreadful.
I glance over to Dolly, who is a useful human barometer for Zack’s nonsense, only to see her getting up from the table. She walks slowly, steadily, but I can tell something is wrong. There’s too much effort in the movement. She’s stiff, not soft.
But Warren seems unconcerned and doesn’t follow her.
It’s not my place to worry. We agreed to keep our distance from each other. It’s for our own good, and the good of my marriage.
I miss something else that’s said, when all faces turn to us.
‘Sorry, what was that?’ I say nervously.
Lucas repeats himself, a little louder. ‘And how are you and Patrick getting on, Carys?’
I feel uncomfortable that this man is asking me on national television, essentially, if I’ve slept with my partner, but that’s what I apparently signed up for.
‘We’re taking it slow. One step at a time.’
Patrick slinks his arm round my shoulders, and I’m grateful for his physical support but his shirt is starched to high heavens and I can feel the scratch of it across my back. ‘That’s right,’ he agrees.
We haven’t slept together, obviously. I feel a bit strange about sex right now. After all, I keep sleeping with the wrong person. Kept. Past tense.
It’s tricky. Being around her was just feeding the need for her. And it isn’t a true need, it can’t be. IneedPatrick. I don’t need Dolly, no matter how chemical our attraction is. I couldn’t help but notice the way my breath hitched in my throat when I saw her sitting at the table in that midnight-blue dress with the deep V neck. That’s where the thoughts need to end – admiration, not fantasising.
So I figured going cold turkey on sex in general might fix things, flush her out of my system while I grow closer to Patrick and build a whole new sense memory.
