You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Of course they want the same place we do.
I must have made a face, because Lucas suddenly says, ‘Uh oh, it looks like we might have some competition on our hands. Carys and Patrick, is that your dream venue too?’
I’m glad Patrick answers, because he’s good natured and laughs the situation off. ‘Yes, that’s the kind of place we imagined getting married in. But what will be will be! We’re just lucky to have each other.’
He gives me a happy wink, and I plaster on a smile. I need to remember who I’m trying to be here – the good girl, the dream wife, the homely one. That’s who I am. And pouting like a little demon is just going to get people hating me. So, I do what I always do, and pick the cute option. ‘I’d marry you anywhere,’ I say dreamily, brushing back his floppy fringe.
‘Oh, aren’t theysocute,’ sing-songs Karina, pressing the cards in her hand against her chest. ‘And much nicer than me. I was insistent on a big venue.’
Lucas laughs, wrapping his arm around his wife’s waist. ‘Yes, you were. Do we think we’ll get some Bridezillas in the mix here?’
I hate that term, but everyone laughs so I smile along withthem. I can totally sympathise with people who panic when their day isn’t going to plan.
‘May the best couple win,’ Dolly says, practically confirming the truce is over. ‘Which is us.’
Everyone else laughs at her joke even though I know it’s not one; that’s just what she thinks. I want to walk over and beat her about the head with my square of shiny plastic board.
Fine, Dolly. Let’s go.
‘Are we all ready?’
There’s a thundering cry ofyeswhich makes me dizzy.
This is fine. Everything is fine!
‘First question,’ begins Karina, and I feel my heart beating out of my chest in a way it hasn’t since I sat Maths GCSE. ‘Men, what’s your favourite thing about your wife-to-be? Ladies, you write down what you think they like best.’
The squeak of marker pens on the boards gives me toothache.
What does Patrick like about me? I try to replay his proposal in my head. What did he say? The reason we were at the farm… kindness! I scribble it down on the board and realise everyone else is already done.
‘And reveal your answers!’
Luckily, Patrick has written ‘she’s kind’ so that’s a match. A huge smile bursts across my face as we step forward. One down!
It’s no surprise that Whit and Malachi have matching ‘smart’ and ‘dead clever’ answers. As the only other couple who have stepped forward, they are in line with us.
I try not to look too smug about it.
‘Oh babe, you think I’m funny?’ Bridget says. Her board has ‘sexy’ written on it. ‘That’s nice.’
Lina and Zack’s mismatch is awkward. Her answer is ‘interesting’ whereas he has scribbled what looks like ‘bum’.
I try not to crane my neck round, but Karina announces,‘It looks like Warren wrote “intelligent” and Dolly wrote “funny”.’
‘I do think you’re bare funny, though,’ he insists.
‘Bit big headed that I put “funny” myself, though, isn’t it?’ she says with an awkward laugh.
One thing I’ve learned is that nice and kind aren’t always the same thing. Kind is about doing things for others no matter how it benefits you. I can’t help but wonder if, actually, Dolly deserves the ‘kind’. She’s not nice, but she is kind.
Lucas is well onto the next question. ‘Ladies, what’s your man’s favourite breakfast?’
I have no idea about this, so I just scribble down ‘croissant’. That’s what people are always eating in London – there’s a reason we have a Pret on every corner. The city runs on cheap espresso and stale pastries.
Only Dolly and Bridget get this one right, with a peanut butter and jam bagel and protein shakes for Warren and Jackson respectively.
Patrick’s answer is Marmite toast.
