‘Oh, that looks nasty,’ Warren sympathises.
I poke it and itreallystings. ‘I’m going to hunt down the little fucker and murder it. No one steals my blood without my permission.’
‘I worry that you’ve thought about that this much.’
‘What? The permission to steal my blood?’
He raises his eyebrows as if to sayyes, you fucking weirdo. Poor man for being stuck with me. ‘Why were you out here? Was I hogging the bed?’
‘Not at all. You were a delight.’ A hesitation. It’s not really my story to tell, after all. ‘I couldn’t sleep, so I came out to look at the stars.’
‘That’s pretty cute.’ He perches on the sun lounger, which rocks dramatically, and we have to hurriedly adjust our weight distribution so it doesn’t tip over. ‘Oops. I don’t think these were built for two.’
‘It can’t contain this much bodaciousness.’
He shakes his head. ‘Dolly, who has said bodacious since the nineties?’
‘Is it not vintage? Maybe I’m bringing it back.’
‘No. How is my future wife so uncool?’
‘Soz. Have you been up long?’
‘Nah, I came to find you after they turned the lights on. Big switch. Blam!’ He flicks out his hands like an explosion.
‘Oh, that sounds miserable.’ My stomach swoops, hoping Carys’s sleep mask was firmly affixed. ‘Is everyone up?’
He shakes his head. ‘Bridget and Jackson are still in bed. Suspect they’re both naked under there.’
‘So much for our wedding budgets,’ I murmur.
‘We could be alright if the rule is no oral, no sex.’
I try to resist the urge to point out that, for a lot of us, those are one and the same. ‘You mean no penis in vagina.’
‘Bit clinical, but yeah.’
‘There must be hands rules.’
He laughs deeply. ‘Thinking about getting or giving?’ He holds his up like he’s under arrest. ‘These hands are innocent.’
I laugh. He’s such a goof. ‘Thinking about not being fined thousands of pounds if someone touches a penis.’
‘Do you think they include wanking?’ He looks genuinely worried.
‘I wouldn’t put it past them to outlaw masturbation,’ I sigh. ‘They want us as insane as possible, remember?’
‘How would they know? If there are cameras in the bathrooms, they’re going to have so much footage of us taking shits.’
I burst out laughing. ‘They’d deserve it.’
He does raise a point. How are they going to know who has been doing what unless there’s cameras in the bedroom? I doubt they’re relying on us snitching because no one… well, most people wouldn’t be stupid enough.
I’m not sure I’d put it past Zack to complain or Jackson to brag openly.
‘In a bit I’m going to make some breakfast with Patrick and Malachi. You want some food? I was thinking crêpes as they’re easy.’
‘God, yes. That’s nice of you.’ I’m quietly relieved to hear I’ve snagged a fake husband who thinks making crêpes is easy and doesn’t expect me to always cook.
