And yet I still wait for her, because I’m a sucker for punishment.
‘Sorry. I just…’ Her big sad eyes look up at me and I feel a twinge in my chest. I’d do anything to make her not look so sad. ‘I just think it’s for the best. So neither of us gets confused or hurt.’
Oh. A dagger to the heart might be less painful.
Maybe she’s right. We should just keep away from each other. After all, I think she’s repressed and forcing herself to marry Patrick to prove something to herself, and she probably thinks I’m some conniving hag out to steal all the pure-hearted couples’ money.
She hovers at the precipice of the house. It must be really hard to subject yourself willingly to something that could cause yourself pain.
‘I’m too wide awake, so I’m just going to enjoy the fresh air for a bit longer,’ I lie.
I walk into the living room area and pick up some of the throws and cushions. The implicitI’ll be here if you need mehangs between us. I’m not sure I have the will to say it, or if she is prepared to hear it, but it’s there between us, its meaning shining like a neon sign.
I couldn’t stop putting someone else’s needs before my own if I tried.
With her eyes on me, I feel exposed, like she’s seeing the raw me, the fundamentals. Like I’ve seen her tonight.
There are things I want to say but I swallow it down as she silently watches me for much longer than a casual glance. There’s meaning, if she’d only say it. If I’d only ask.
But neither of us move. She nods, and I hear a ghost of anos daas she leaves.
I pick two lounge chairs close together, and on each set out the throws and cushions. Too bad I don’t have anything to do other than look up at the night sky. But maybe that’s a good thing? Perhaps I’ve spent so long looking after Mum every day or creating content or replying to comments from bed that I’ve not had downtime like this.
A digital detox, isn’t that what rich people are always going on about? This is probably a good thing.
I breathe out the tension and take in the fresh Greek air.
I’ll only stay up a little while, just in case.
Just in case she wants to escape and come back outside.
Just in case she needs me.
Chapter NineteenDolly
@weddedblessed:Question! Are they filmed like all the time in the villa? Hidden cameras etc. Anyone know?
@loml:I don’t think so @weddedblessed, are you thinking of Big Brother?
@laughingwithsalads:I think you are both thinking of Love Island @weddedblessed @loml Do you really think there are hidden cameras in the walls?
When I next open my eyes, Warren is standing over me.
‘Hello.’ His amused smile tells me that I’ve been out here all night.
‘Hey,’ I croak, my throat dehydrated and claggy all at once. I rub the gunk out of the corner of my eyes. ‘I’d ask you what time it is but…’
‘I haven’t learned to read the sun yet. I heard looking directly at it was like really bad for you?’
‘No, really?’
‘Mad, right.’
The blanket I’d slept under is kind of damp withcondensation and the sun is low in the sky so it can’t be too late in the morning.
I feel lowkey horrendous. I can’t believe I fell asleep out here.
When I sit up, the blanket falls away to reveal a huge bite on my thigh from some horrible insect.
