Epilogue
Jess
Jess is buzzing by the time the first guest arrives at the bookshop for the launch. It doesn’t hurt that this first guest is Lily, thrilled to be out of the house without baby in tow for the first time since he was born. The process of publication, it turns out, takes as long as a pregnancy, and then some. After Jess and Alex’s careful structural edits, the copyedits and proofreads all took time – as did the arguing on the merits of Oxford commas and em dashes – so this has been a big year for both Jess and Lily, both of them assuming new identities: mother, published author. Jess came into her own, planning a baby shower – balloons, a handwritten book for congratulations and advice, home-baked cookies and brownies – and Lily has apologised a hundred times for not being able to reciprocate.I’m lucky if I get to wash most days, she’s said more than once.So I think baking for your book launch might be a bit beyond me at this point. Jess has been over to hang out, to hold the baby while Lily dives into the bathroom for a few welcome minutes of refreshing water on her body, so she knowsLily isn’t exaggerating. It seems relentless and non-stop, motherhood, and she feels vaguely ashamed for all the times she has compared writing to pregnancy and babyhood.
Honestly, writing a book, even co-writing a book with an arrogant author you initially can’t stand, is a walk in the park compared to what Lily has achieved with her body, and is achieving now – keeping a human alive. Whenever Jess wants, she can close the laptop and walk away from the manuscript she is currently working on – and while it may feel like a wrench when other obligations drag her away, nobody is actually going to die because she doesn’t pay attention to it for a while.
But Lily assures her that motherhood is worth it, that she’d do it all over again in a heartbeat, despite her terrifying tales of the emergency C-section and its aftermath. She seems more exhausted than happy, but there’s an air about her of having, not exactly relaxed – because looking after a tiny person is anything but relaxing – but loosened into her new role, like her whole life was waiting for just this.
And that, Jess realises as she looks around the bright blue bookshop – filling with friends, Alex’s family, her bubbly mum already on her second glass of fizz – is another way in which pregnancy and writingcanbe compared. She, too, feels like she was made for this. Another chapter in her life – what feels like the main event – has begun, and that’s something she has in common with Lily.
‘How are you doing?’ Alex is next to Jess, suddenly,his arm on the small of her back, his low voice close to her ear.
‘I’m very, very happy,’ she says. This is true of tonight, and it’s true of life in general – the life she and Alex are building together. They don’t share a flat yet – they’re currently in a stalemate when it comes to the whole Hampstead vs Pimlico conversation – but once that is resolved, it won’t be long until they move in together.I love youhas become part of their daily vocabulary, whispered into phones late at night when they’re not together, and energetically demonstrated when they are.
‘I’m very happy too,’ Alex says now.
‘I’m glad,’ she replies.
Lily clears her throat next to them.
‘Hello,’ Alex says, acknowledging her properly.
‘Hello,’ she says. ‘And congratulations. To you both, obviously, but I’ve already congratulated Jess, so.’
Alex does a little ironic-but-not-quite bow. ‘Thank you,’ he says. ‘I think it’s my best book yet.’
Now it’s Jess’s turn to clear her throat. ‘Your?’
‘Well, it’s ours, obviously. But of the books with my name on the cover, it’s the best one.’
Jess narrows her eyes in mock severity. ‘Fine.’
‘I think,’ Lily points out to Jess, ‘that there’s a way to view that as a compliment.’
Alex thanks her with his eyes. ‘Exactly. I’m at my best when we work together. Is what I was trying to say.’
‘Fine,’ Jess says again, less grudgingly this time. Then Alex leans down and kisses her on the forehead,and all traces of grudging are washed away. It’s not hard, honestly, because her heart is an over-inflated balloon, ready to pop at any time. She gasped when she arrived at the shop – to the left of the door, the whole window is filled with copies of their book, and swirly white writing invites customers to come in and browse ‘Alex Maxwell’s brilliant new book – co-written with talented debut author Jess Martin’. In the shop, now, more and more people are milling around, picking up a glass of fizz and browsing the shelves. She recognises friends from Instagram, can’t wait to speak to all of them. And over in a corner, a familiar face: the brunette from the Godalming pub.
‘Go,’ Lily says, when she notices her looking over. ‘No need to babysit me. I’ll do my own milling around.’
Jess is grateful.
‘Hi,’ she says, when she’s taken the few steps needed to reach Cassandra. ‘I’ve met you before, right? In Godalming?’
‘Hello. Yes. Congratulations, by the way.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You can tell me now,’ she says, leaning in for confidentiality. ‘Are you two together?’
She looks over at Alex, talking animatedly to one of his sisters. It’s safe, she decides. It’s not like it’s a big state secret, and anyway, people will have guessed by the end of the evening.
‘We were still figuring it out when we were in Godalming,’ she says. ‘But yes. We are.’
‘Well,’ Cassandra says. ‘Congratulations on that, too.’
There seems to be no hint of resentment in her voice. Jess takes her well wishes at face value. ‘Thank you,’ she says, and right on cue, Alex approaches.
