She can do it with adrenaline sports; she can do it with adventuring around foreign countries where she doesn’t speak the language. Even starting to learn French has felt brave.
And if Jess wants Alex to say it, maybe she has to say it first. Maybe the vulnerable child in him, who always came second, needs her to go first. It feels scary. But like Lily said, relationships are hard work. All relationships, even the good ones. Maybe especially the good ones. Maybe that’s how they get good in the first place.
It would be bravest, she knows, to move her head from his chest, to manoeuvre herself into position so she can look straight at him as she says it.
But, baby steps.
‘Alex,’ she says, clearing her throat.
‘Mmm?’ His voice vibrates through her. It feels like their bodies are one body when this happens. Like if something happens to one of them, it’s happening to both of them.
‘I think I …’ She’s wimping out. She can feel it. She clears her throat and starts again. ‘I—’
‘You?’
She knows he knows what she is going to say. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to make it easy for her. The smile she can hear in his voice tells her all of that.
‘I love you.’
Phew. That wasn’t so hard. And now that it’s out, she can feel her whole self relaxing, turning liquid.
‘I’m glad,’ he says, and she finds herself holding her breath. Is this going to be one of those ‘Thank you’situations, like Ross at the airport inFriends? Is it going to be ‘I love spending time with you too’?
But no. It isn’t.
‘Because I love you too.’
Those words, vibrating through her. If there’s any better feeling than that, she doesn’t know what it could be. Not even skiing down a black run comes close. Or diving off a high board, meeting the pool with a splash and a surge of adrenaline.
She doesn’t expect that, the thrill of it.
Maybe settling into a relationship with Alex could be the biggest adventure of her life.
It is, she decides as he nuzzles into her neck, kissing her, certainly worth a try.
Jess: I jumped off the diving board
Lily: Glad to hear it. Unless you broke your neck. Then it’s bad
Jess: I didn’t break my neck. It was a lot more pleasant than that
Lily: Well, that’s good news. Give me all the deets. Unless you don’t want to. That’s fine too.
Jess: Maybe later, over wine?
Lily: Not wine.
Jess: ??
Lily:
Jess: Is there something you want to tell me????
Lily: Got some good news of my own.
Jess:
Lily:
