“Everything is fine,” she drawled casually as she stepped off the ladder. Then she lowered her voice. “After two days, your brother won’t be a problem anymore.”
Pyetar froze, not moving for a long moment as his face seemed to cycle through degrees of terror.
She watched him carefully as she stepped off the ladder. When he finally focused on her again, a look of realization settled on his features. Hope twinkled in his eyes.
He covered the few steps between them, staring at her mouth.
She knew it was coming, knew she shouldn’t let him do it, but she was so desperate to pretend she deserved better that she didn’t so much as hesitate as he collided with her.
His arms were protective around her, his mouth persistent against her own. With her eyes closed, she could almost pretend nothing existed beyond his warmth. That there would be no consequences. Without a thought, Iryana gave into it. He soothed her fear and worries, and she clung to him, wanting desperately to feel like everything was going to be all right.
Iryana loved the way he felt against her, the way his hands roamed over her. She slipped her hands under his shirt, tracing his muscles up to his chest. Pyetar groaned into her mouth. She wanted his skin against hers.
Pyetar broke their kiss and pulled back, just enough to look at her. He brushed the stray tendrils of hair out of her face, trailed his fingers over her cheek, over her lips. His expression was tender.
She caught her breath, the wildness of their embrace calming. But he was still touching her, gently. Like she was something precious.
Fear returned.
“What are we doing?” she gasped.
His brow tugged down slightly, but the warmth didn’t leave his gaze. “I’ve been fooling myself, pretending I could keep myself from caring for you.”
Iryana tensed in his arms. “I don’t understand. We both agree this couldn’t happen.”
“I’ve been so afraid that Karvek will see the way I look at you, the way I’m drawn to you, despite how hard I’ve tried to stay away.” He swallowed, his throat bobbing. “That Karvek will realize he can control me by hurting you.”
His words made no sense. She knew there was attraction, tension that had been building in the space between them. But what he suggested wasmore. She couldn’t wrap her head around it.
“I don’t understand,” she mumbled. “You—you can’t.”
“I can’t care for you?” He pulled her tighter, expression growing serious. “How could I not? You are the most loyal person I know; you will do anything for the people you love. And yet you don’t seek recognition or reward; you just do it because you love them. And even for me, who you have every right to hate, you’ve looked out for me. No one haseverdone that.”
His words tore at the pieces of her heart. “But we can’t.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “Once my brother is gone, we can leave. You’ll have done what you can for your family, I’ll be free of Karvek, there’d be nothing to stop us. I know you can’t go back home, so let’s find a new one. Together.”
She could do nothing but stare at him.
Gods how she wished she could, but she didn’t know how to be with someone. How to keep herself from driving them away. Anything between them was doomed. She didn’t deserve him, wasn’t worthy of it. Any feelings he had for her would slowly die, turning corrupt.
“Iryana?”
She looked back at him wildly, sucking in breath after breath.
“Are you okay?” He was concerned now, curling around her protectively as she fought through her panic.
It felt like she was fracturing, coming undone.
“You’re better off without me, trust me.”
He shook his head, his eyes darkening. He leaned so close that his mouth was inches from her own, and she had to fight the urge to meet them. His breath brushed against her cheek, her lips. Trailed down her neck.
“You areamazing, Iryana,” he growled. “You’re brave and smart and compassionate. You’re so beautiful, and those eyes… gods, I would swim in them if I could. They draw me in, and all I want is to know the thoughts behind them. And you are so strong, you never give up.”
Numbness filled her. He didn’t see her, not really. She wasn’t kind or brave or strong. Perhaps she cared, but it never seemed to stop her from hurting people. And beauty didn’t matter; the way he saw her would be poisoned just like his feelings.
He was just confused, she reasoned. Letting his excitement at escaping his brother and his lust for her make him too fuzzy. She pushed him back a step.
