Iryana swallowed, seeking emptiness inside. Anything to get rid of the tremors in her hands.
She couldn’t let him show any weakness to her.Shehad to be the weak one.
Iryana made a show of reaching for him hesitantly, cupping the hand that was still on her chin with her own. His fingers splayed out, and his palm slid over her cheek. He raised a brow at her, as if amused.
She steeled herself and leaned forward, rising on her toes. He was so much taller than her that she had no chance of meeting his lips on her own. Karvek looked down at her waiting mouth, made her wait. She hoped she had not miscalculated. But finally he bent down, and Iryana pressed her lips to his.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Only once her lips met his did Karvek truly respond. He kissed her savagely, angling her head exactly how he wanted, guiding her hands where he wanted, pressing her to him in just the way he wanted.
He wasn’t just controlling; he was dominating. She remembered what he’d said about his tastes requiring privacy. She could imagine that easier now.
Her stomach flipped, and she felt sick. Kissing him back was painful, but also somehow freeing. He knew how broken she was, and he was so twisted himself that he didn’t care. His touching her was the kind of pain that almost felt good against her shredded heart.
It was the type of affection she deserved.
He pulled away first and chuckled darkly. “We’ll explore that later.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she just watched him, letting him see the emotions on her face. The vulnerable confusion.
“Not to say I’m not flattered, but why did you kiss me?” Again, there was a questioning look in his eyes.
“I am tired of not belonging,” she said truthfully. “Of being pushed away.”
He smiled at that, and it would have almost seemed warm if he were capable of such a thing.
“My father was a strong, unyielding man. But he eventually grew complacent, thought he had everyone and everything in line, and that got him killed. He never saw his enemy coming. Power is how you stay alive in this world.” Karvek looked over her shoulder, a mask of indifference on his face. “My brother has no ambition; he is more than willing to let others have power over him, to wait for someone to come for him. I’ve tried to make him see reason; he is still family after all. The only way he can protect himself is by taking the power I offer him. He could have been my major if he played his cards right, second only to me.”
He tsked, like it truly bothered him. “It’s going to get him killed.”
Iryana wondered if Karvek would have truly ever let Pyetar have that much power, be that close to him. She doubted it.
Karvek continued. “But you’re not as foolish as my brother. Trust me, let me guide you, and I will give you a place to belong.”
If he weren’t a murderous sociopath, if he weren’t threatening the people she loved, and if she didn’t need him to die to protect her family, it would be a tempting offer.
He was probably the only person who could truly care for her,she realized sadly.
After Karvek dismissed her, Iryana had every intention of sneaking out to the river to scrub herself raw. She walked along the wall toward the closest tower, dipped into the dim space and climbed down the ladder, trying to process everything.
She ached to be touched gently, to be worshiped, but it would be far too short-lived. Iryana didn’t deserve soft touches, soft words; she’d only destroy them. Turn them into regret and disgust. Andthatwas a pain she couldn’t handle.
Karvek’s touch scared her, disgusted her even, but it was also comforting. Because he wanted her despite knowing how broken she was. He already knew,so there was nothing to destroy. Pyetar had said his brother would toss her away if she stopped being useful to him, and in some ways she knew it was true. But in others… it felt like she could trust Karvek because she understood him. Knew exactly where she stood with him and what his limits were. It was predictable. Safe, in a twisted sort of way.
He didn’t touch her like she was precious, like she was something beautiful. He touched her like she was broken and he wanted her anyway. Like he would take her in all her pieces and do what he liked with them. Nothing about Karvek, or the way he handled her, was soft.
She felt more broken than she ever had, raw.
It would all be over soon, she reminded herself.
Climbing down, she heard someone walking in the tower, and quickly wiped the emotions from her face before turning to see who it was.
Pyetar was waiting at the bottom of the ladder, the room dim and empty. Only a bit of light shone through the arrow slits in the wall. His hair was a mess, as if he’d been repeatedly running his hands through it, and his cap was crumpled in one of his fists.
He stopped his pacing when he saw her, relief instantly softening his sky-blue eyes.
“How did it go? I was worried that he’d—” Pyetar’s face twisted painfully. “Is he mad that you didn’t turn me in?”
