“I’m not saying it right.”
“Well, use different words then.” He grinned at her. “That’s something my momma would always say when I was frustrated that what I was saying wasn’t coming across right.”
She made a frustrated sound and sank back down to his side, turning slightly so she could look up into the treetops as well. “What I mean is, are you thinking this is long term, and we’ll end up together? And I know that’s really hard to predict right now—anything could happen—but let’s say that we do, and that your daddy is right, and if he’s right, then you’ll move here to this ranch and live in this tiny house with me, and then you don’t need your own place.”
The pieces started coming together even as Lila Mae continued with, “So, I don’t know. I guess that’s why I was surprised you were going to go look at a farm. Because if we end up together, then we have two ranches, and the cat sanctuary will be really hard to move. And I don’t know, maybe you hate this place and?—”
“Lila Mae.” Trap spoke quietly, but it cut her off all the same. “I see what you’re saying.” He closed his eyes again, wishing a road map for his life would appear on the backs of his eyelids.
“It’s impossible to know what will happen,” he said. “With us, with this ranch, with anything.”
“I know,” Lila Mae said. “But I guess I’m wondering if you think you could maybe just stay in that tiny cowboy cabin on your cousin’s ranch until we know a little bit more.”
Trap didn’t hate it in the cowboy cabin; he just didn’t feel like a full-grown adult, a real man. He didn’t quite know howto explain that to Lila Mae, and his mind buzzed as the breeze continued to play with his hair and the hammock gently rocked.
“I’m sure I could,” he said. “JJ will let me live there as long as I want, and my momma loves having me just down the road.”
Lila Mae took a breath, but didn’t speak right away, and that alone told Trap how hesitant she felt. “Do you think this place could ever feel like home to you?” she asked. “We could build a real house, a full-size one, and put it anywhere on the property, and it won’t be the dry dung heap that you described to me when I first bought it.”
“I was just trying to be really honest,” Trap said, suddenly defensive for his description of this ranch that had sat dormant for fifteen years before Lila Mae had swooped in and purchased it for Feline Friends.
“And I appreciate that,” she said. “I wanted you to be truthful with me, and you told me everything I needed to know to make a wise purchase.”
She took a moment to breathe. “We obviously can’t have all the answers right now, but I wanted to bring it up so that you can make the wisest decision about that property you and your daddy are going to go see on Tuesday.”
Foolishness filled Trap, because everything Lila Mae said rang right in his heart. He didn’t need a two-hundred-acre property just to live on it for a year until they got married.
“How long do you think it takes for two people to fall in love?” he whispered.
“I think that’s different for everyone,” she said. “Donovan dated his wife for five years before he asked her to marry him. But that was fast for some people in the stuffy circles in the south in which we ran.”
“Have you ever been in love?” Trap asked.
Lila Mae didn’t answer right away, and Trap wasn’t sure if he should be happy about that or not.
“I don’t know,” Lila Mae finally said. “I know that’s a weird answer, but I had a boyfriend in Baltimore for a couple of years, and I know my momma wanted me to marry him.”
“Why didn’t you?” Trap asked.
“I just don’t think I liked him as much as she did,” Lila Mae said, as if just now realizing it. “Maybe a little bit like what you think Colt is doing with Sariah.”
“I don’t really know what I’m talking about with them,” he said.
“Rob and I got along great. He was sweet and smart, and the reason my mother liked him was because he was the CEO of a successful steel works company. They built fences and gazebos and those big outdoor things that people have, you know?”
“Sure,” Trap said. “Like a trellis.”
Lila Mae giggled. “Yeah, like a trellis.” She exhaled again, and this time it sounded happy. “And, like I said, we got along, and he was sweet and handsome and rich, but there was never really a super hot spark between us.” She paused for a moment. “He was comfortable.”
“Don’t you want to be comfortable with your partner?” Trap asked.
“Of course,” Lila Mae said. “But I want it to be exciting too, and Rob was not exciting.”
“In the lectures on marriage I’ve heard,” Trap said, his voice turning a little bit dry. “From my uncles and such—sometimes that excitement dies and you have to figure out how to get it back and how to honor your promises without it.”
“Sure,” Lila Mae said, and when she didn’t go on, Trap figured she’d let thoughts of her past fill her mind.
He let her have the silence, because she’d brought up plenty of things that he needed to think about too, and thankfully, none of them were about MSW, expanding the business, hiring new people, or his forthcoming schedule for the week.
