“You’re not going anywhere.” I’d done it again. I couldn’t make these mistakes with Roxy if I wanted her to believe in me. “I’m supposed to be owning my shit. You’re right to break my balls at every turn,” I said, dropping the bag onto the table next to me.
“Tell Aces to fix my car, so I can leave.”
I slid further down in the chair. “You know that’s fucking bullshit. This isn’t about you leaving. This is about how I got caught with my guard down. You asked where you stood, and I froze. You’re familiar with that.”
“If you were so concerned, why didn’t you call me back?”
“You gave me a chance to fix it, but the look on your face stopped me. You were done with my ass, and I hated I couldn’t reassure you when you needed it.” I rubbed a hand through my hair and down my face.
“I’m not your problem.”
“No, but I make you my problem every time I can’t walk away.” I didn’t stutter or look away from her. I wasn’t sure where her head was after tonight, and I fully expected her to either throw a fit or ignore me.
I didn’t expect her to laugh, the sound so brittle it struck a nerve in my chest.
“Do you even hear yourself right now? You’re loaded down with responsibility. Your loyalty is to everyone else but yourself.” She waved her hand in my direction. “You don’t have room for one more, and I won’t bleed for someone who can’t take care of me.”
“You think you have everything figured out?” I was listening, but if I didn’t turn this conversation around, she’d think she was right. She was, if she only considered the past. I’d had plenty of time to think this through on the road.
“Obviously.” Her tone was dry as she swung her legs over the bed. Sitting on the edge, she faced me directly, scrunching her nose. “I promised to stop the bleeding.”
“What does that mean, stop the bleeding?”
“I was trying to be helpful in the car on the way back. I told Angelica to let the past scar. Stop picking it, and the bleeding will stop. I didn’t realize I was talking to myself.”
“Since I keep fucking up, you’re going to leave. Stop the bleed, so that I don’t hurt you?” I was unraveling, afraid she’d put the nail in the coffin of a relationship that hadn’t even started.
“Something like that. I could destroy you, too.”
She didn’t raise her voice, and that sent a shiver down my spine. This scared me more than any time I’d ever seen my life flash before my eyes.
“I’ve gotten used to fixing everything. No one asks anymore.” My leg bounced as I tried to plan a thought. “It wasn’t what you asked, but the question itself. It threw me, and it’s been fucking downhill ever since.”
“Even if I forgave you, I don’t know how I’m going to get past tonight. She’s your sister, and you didn’t move from my side. I was fine.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, a nervous tic, before getting up and pacing in front of the bed.
“Until Ang makes a final decision, they’ll always play these games. She won’t move on. Why? I don’t know, and he won’t let her go.”
“The club comes first. Your family second.” Roxy stopped, dropping her eyes to the ground. “You’re exhausted from being everything to everyone. We’re similar like that.” She took a deep breath. “I won’t be the final weight that breaks you.”
“You should give me a chance to show you. These aren’t empty words, sweetheart.” I threw it out there, hoping she’d catch the pass. “Anytime you want to leave, tell Aces, and he’ll fix your car.”
“You’re insane. Do I have a choice in any of this?” She stared down at me, scanning my face. Her eyes were sad, and I wasn’t sure why. If I asked, wanting to fix whatever it was, I’d prove her point.
“Not really.” I hated how fast I’d said that, but I wasn’t ready to let her walk.
“That’s what I thought. I didn’t have a choice with the Disciples either, but I saved myself by running. I’m saying maybe, but you have to let me go if it breaks. If you break. I don’t want to be chased.”
It was easier to say nothing than make a promise I knew would be a lie. I would always fight for her, but there wasn’t anything else for now. I stood up from the chair, tucking it under the small table near the door.
Pulling out my phone, I clicked some music channel, letting it stream into the room. She knew me only as Cactus—Sergeant at Arms. What she needed was Grant: the history buff, the traveler, and the man who had made choices based on other people’s decisions. I slid my club cut off, hanging it from the back of the chair. It didn’t belong in this moment.
“Dance with me,” I said, standing in the gap between the bed and the outside window.
“Why?” The sadness disappeared as her brow furrowed, confused.
“You were busy when I got to the bar, and I didn’t get a dance.”
She sighed, slowing her steps before making her way over. “It’s just a dance. Still not a yes, so leave him alone. He’s just a friend.”
