I open my eyes and quickly turn down the heat, making the shower almost completely cold. It shocks me, but it doesn’t do anything to slow down the raging lust that has awakened between my legs.
I fantasized about him for a long time, and I tried to hook up with him or some of his friends. I can’t just pretend none of that ever happened.
By the time I get out and dry myself off, my confusion has compounded in my throat to the point I feel like I’m going to cry.
I might be overdue for a good cry. I just don’t see how I can go out there and pretend it’s all okay.
I practically tiptoe my way out of the bathroom back to my room, looking around for Owen the whole time. I can’t see or hear him, so I rush to my room to get dressed. My heart thumps so hard, a lump forms in my throat, and I can feel the heavy beat in my ears.
Great. This is what it’s going to be like, every day, now. Running from Owen. Running from myself.
By the time I get dressed, I’ve managed to calm down a little, and when I go into the kitchen, Owen has ordered some takeout for dinner, I’m able to sit down across from him and eat without completely freaking out.
It’s still an awkward silence, but it’s better than fighting.
A couple of times, I catch him watching me, and his confident grin sends the electric tingles through my body again, making me press my thighs together.
Don’t say anything, I silently implore him. Please.
He doesn’t, but the suggestion hangs in the air, and even though I pray for it to go away, it simply doesn’t fade. My decision not to fight with him only seems to make it worse, as if that was the only way to release the heat building inside me without making a horrible mistake.
I slink away from the kitchen without finishing dinner and curl up in bed, not expecting to sleep. But when horrible pain and smothering suffocation split through the darkness in my mind, I woke up screaming, with no clear idea of what I was actually dreaming about.
“That’s it,” Owen says. “Just come out of it slowly. You’re okay.”
“Owen?” I ask, my voice almost a sob.
“Yes, Trina. I heard you screaming. Are you alright?”
His presence by my bed should scare me, but he’s the one who looks scared.
Owen’s eyes are wide, the deep green of the irises visible even in the pale light from the stars outside the window. His expression is truly worried, and even though he looks like he wants to hold me, he’s at a respectful distance beside the bed.
“What was the dream about?” he asks softly.
“I don’t remember,” I answer, truthfully. “I get these nightmares sometimes.”
“You were really screaming,” he says, and I can hear the pain in his voice. “Are you sure you’re alright? Is there anything I can do?”
I shake my head. “No, thank you. I’ll just try to go back to sleep.”
“Okay,” he says, standing up and taking a reluctant step back. “I’m here if you need me.”
I nod, and Owen turns to go. Part of me wants to call him back, but I just grit my teeth and keep the words in.
I’ve dealt with this alone for years. I don’t need him.
Still, his genuine concern gets mixed up with the volatile feelings I had before bed, and I don’t get much sleep the rest of the night. Breakfast is even worse, as both of us try to avoid the subject of sex and my nightmare.
I can’t even ask about the cure for the pack, because that would mean bringing up sex again.
When Owen drives me to work, I’ve resolved on what I have to do to put distance between us. I ask Fern for extra work, and to my relief, she readily agrees. The museum is being prepared for some kind of event, and there’s extra cleaning to be done, displays to be made, and artifacts to be presented. Lacey is more than happy for the help, and she starts giving me a ride home at night and picking me up in the morning.
I communicate with Owen by text, and for almost a week, I’m able to avoid him completely. The problem is, it doesn’t make my anxiety any better—in fact, it just makes it worse as I think about how high-impact it will be when I finally run into him.
I’m sitting miserably in the break room late one afternoon when Sadie comes in and I almost jump out of my chair. I’vebeen avoiding her, too, and I wonder how suspicious it would look if I just got up and ran.
“Trina,” Sadie says. “I’ve been trying to pin you down for days. What’s going on?”
