He huffs, “They were all wrong. His problem was that his soul no longer belonged to his body, and another soul was also in it. The only one who understood, the only one who helped, was Anders. Then, you showed up, with your bright blinding light and the pull of your mate bond. Our souls instantly knew how to align. Tyler started to become himself again—well, to the best of what we are now. You made us feel again.” He turns his head, casting his face in the moonlight. “You gave us back our humanity.”
I study him—half destroyed from the incident, the other half unmarred. He wears a white hoodie with the guard’s crest on the front and dark jeans. The normal side of his face has a striking dark brow, full lips, and long dark lashes. He was very handsome when he was alive. I can’t tell if his eye color is the same. They’re both entirely black, like they were in the exam room.
“Why did you show me that?” I ask. I was ready for a fight or death. I was nowhere near ready for this—a glimpse of their past, an explanation of who he really is.
He sighs. “I’m different. Even before death, before we became this, I was a monster. I could turn your living dreams into nightmares, make your worst fears a living reality. I could infuse fear down to your very core. I had everything a man three times my age worked for—money, assets, businesses. It wasn’t enough. Greed made me want more. I was going to be the most powerful lawyer the LS had ever seen, and when I became Alpha… you get the idea.”
I walk away from him to sit down on a rock near the lake. I need something solid to touch. I also need to sit. My ribs hurt, and my face throbs.
He watches me with those black eyes. His jaw is tense, but he doesn’t move, waiting. This monster is inside of Tyler. I think of that boy who loved his brother so much; you could see it on his face.
I pick up a small stone and toss it into the lake, needing to do something while I try to make sense of everything. I should fear him, but I don’t. His very essence exudes malice, violence. But there is no hatred, no regrets, no anger. Just him.
“Why do you call yourself Shadow?” I ask.
“He is neither Tyler, nor am I Toby. We are the shadow of what used to be,” he replies. He turns his head to look over the lake’s glass-like surface. “Good and evil reside in one body.”
“Why did you and Tyler make that blood promise, knowing who you are and what you’re capable of?” If he was such a bad person, why would he do such a thing? He loved his little brother.
“Tyler is the only person I ever cared for. I never bonded with the rest of my brothers, never cared about what they did or who they became. But Tyler, from the moment he was born, we had a connection. I wanted to protect him and keep him safe from the corruption in the world because of those like me. That night on the yacht, when I learned he sneaked on board to hang out with me, I could have turned him away or called a friend to pick him up and take him home. Instead, I packed up my little party, called my friend Strap to come get them, and sent them away. I was his hero. He looked at me like I hung the moon and stars. He was a good kid, and I didn’t want him to lose that because of me. When he made his promise to me, I silently promised him that I wouldn’t lead him down that road of corruption. I would use all the connections I made to do better. I wanted to be his real hero. I wanted to become the man he thought I was.” He stares up at the moon. “Fate had other plans.”
I pick up a stick and draw circles in the sand. He loved his brother so much he was willing to change, but he never had the chance.
He crouches down in front of me, taking the stick out of my hand. “Now that you know the truth about what we are, how webecame this way, are you able to accept it? Accept us? Or does it scare you and make you want to run? Does it make you want to reject us?” He reaches up, gently running his thumb along my face.
I place my hand over his, relishing the feel of his touch. It feels the same as when Tyler touches me. I missed him more than I wanted to admit to myself. “I would never reject you for what you are or what you’ve become. You didn’t ask to be this way,” I whisper.
“Could you still love me, a monster? Knowing what I was like before, knowing that I could easily be that same person again?” He reaches up and removes my hat. Leaning forward, he rests his forehead against mine.
I still smell his burning flesh, but it doesn’t bother me like I thought it would. His eyes remain glassy black as they search my own, waiting for my answer. “Do you want to be that monster you think you are?”
“No, but the temptations are still there. I would kill anyone who hurt you. I would burn the world down, looking for you, if you left me by choice or by someone else’s ill will.”
“So, you want to own me? Hurt me?”
He grabs my chin and tilts my face up to meet his. “My soul recognized you the moment I saw you. I tried… we both tried to stay away. We only wanted to protect you from a distance, love you from afar, but the pull prevents us from leaving you alone. You drive us crazy, and it scares us that you could dispose of us so easily. I didn’t mean to hurt you in the exam room. The thought of you with someone else kills me. You are mine.”
“You can’t own me. I am not a dog—a pet—someone you can train. You can’t force me to be with you because you’re angry or scared,” I counter, tugging my chin free from his grip.
“I don’t want to own you. I need you.” His hand grips the back of my neck. “I feed off of pain and fear. That is my magic.Tyler feels it more with you pushing us away. The stronger I become, he loses a part of himself. He loses his humanity.”
“Don’t guilt me into a relationship with you,” I hiss. I am trapped between the rock and his large body. I push at him, but he doesn’t budge.
He finally relents, releases his hold on me, and backs up a few paces. He faces the lake again. “I’m not trying to guilt you into being with us.” His voice is low, vibrating with sadness and… fear. He really is scared. “I wanted you to see that I’m broken, too. What you think you aren’t, what you're struggling with, doesn’t change how we feel because we understand what you’re going through more than you think.”
I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. Why can’t he understand? Despite what happened to him, I’m still not good enough. I never will be, not like this. The twinge of pain to my ribs reminds me of my confirmed failures.
“Tyler struggled with everything these past ten years. He had to learn how to be around others, how to fit in society. He couldn’t experience emotions the same way that you do. He had a hard time gauging people’s reactions. He didn’t live life the way a normal boy should, while I did. He had my memories along with his own. It was like he lived life before and needed to do it again. He knew things that teachers should have taught him. He understood life better than most, even if he was on the outside looking in. Now, he’s like a juvenile, experiencing things for the first time. He might be twenty-two, but he has the emotional capacity of a teenager.”
He turns to me, training those black eyes on me. He starts to lean forward, drawn to me, but he straightens back up.
“Do you think anyone would be able to accept Tyler? To look beyond his outer shell and accept him—us —and what we are capable of?”
Anger unfurls in my chest. Why? Why is he pushing this? Why can’t he see I’m not good enough for him? I fist my hands in my lap, and I stand. “You don’t understand! I am nothing but a seventeen-year-old girl who can’t shift. I can’t have children. I can’t give you anything back!” I shout. A burning sensation builds behind my lids, and tears start to fall. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m sorry if you’re angry with me. Can’t you see I’m doing this to protect you? You say all of these things now. You feel all of these emotions now. One day, you’ll realize that you could have done so much better. You’ll wake up one day and want the things I can’t give you. You have so much going for you, and I don’t even know who I am.” I swallow, covering my face. “I don’t think I can survive knowing that one day you’ll regret the decision to be with me because I held you back.”
Warm hands envelop my own and pull them away from my face. He is so close to me. His breath brushes across my forehead. “We don’t care if you can’t transition into a wolf. We don’t care if you can’t have our children. The world is full of children who need homes. If you want a child that is biologically ours, medical technology can provide that for us.”
Looking down at my hands in his, I whisper, “I’m nothing. I have nothing to contribute to society or you.”
