Silent tears fall as I burrow deeper under the covers and let the man I once loved and now fear embrace me in his arms.
“Go to sleep, Princess. I’ll explain everything when the time is right,” he murmurs against my ear and kisses my hair.
One final thought strikes before my dreams took hold—despite my fear of him, had I ever truly stopped loving him?
Chapter 23
Facing the Alpha King
SHADOW
Seven Years Ago
Afew days passed since I had last seen Jessica. This visit makes me nervous, and I second-guess my decision to come here. Did Anders, the Alpha King, or Luna Queen tell her what I had done to Alpha Powers? Will she think differently of me? Fear me? I don’t want to see the look of fear on her face. I wouldn’t even begin to know what to do about it.
Before I can turn around and leave, Joe answers the door. Brows raise in surprise to see me standing at the front entrance. I usually walk in from the kitchen entrance, but my nerves get the better of me, something I’m not use to. I headed straight for the main entrance.
He glances down at my wrist and smiles when he sees that I am still wearing my graduation gift. “The Alpha King is expecting you.”
I thank him and make my way through the mansion. I knock on the Alpha King’s office door and enter at his command. He stands and motions to a chair in front of his desk.
“Shadow, thank you for coming. I’m glad to see you’re still in one piece and survived the meeting with Anders.”
I offer a crooked smile. “Survived, yes, but still on his shit list.”
He scoffs and waves his hands, leaning back in his seat.
I take in his relaxed posture. I have known this man for at least half of my life. I practically lived here with Anders before we moved to the apartments near the training facility. I was old enough by then to live in my own apartment, but I still attended dinners and meetings until I left for the Academy in Ryukyu.
“I also thought about your actions,” he says. “As much as I hate that you put yourself in that position, I understand why you felt the need to do it. You’re young, and you listened to your instincts. I think Anders sometimes forgets what it was like to be a teenager—or rather young man in your case. Although I’m pretty sure he went from being an infant straight to an old man.”
He sighs and runs his hand along his desk in thought.
“I sure as hell drove him crazy when I was a teenager. He put me on house arrest a time or two.”
I raise my eyebrow.
“Yeah. I’m paying for all the shit I gave him, though. Everything I did growing up, I get back twice with the twins. Karma is a bitch.”
I chuckle. I can’t imagine the man sitting in front of me now as anything like the twins. I wonder what I would have been like, if I was normal. I wonder what my future kids would be like and how would I handle it, not really experiencing life in that way. Future kids... I never really thought about kids or a family before. The betrothal contract dictates a family, but I never thought about children of my own, whether I want them. I wonder if Jessica wants children.
“So did he agree to let you back into the program as a trainer?”
I nod, blinking back to the present conversation. “Thanks to Chris and Elias’s support. I don’t think he was 100 percent on board with the idea.”
“You are a great asset to the program. He’ll see that when the program starts up again.”
“I hope so. I have plans for the new recruits, which is actually why I’m here. In yesterday’s meeting, Anders changed his mind about recruiting Jessica. While I normally wouldn’t go against his decision, I feel that she should be a part of the program. The training will help her to learn self-defense and build her confidence. Between Anders and I, we can train her to gain better control of her magic. He hasn’t given us a reason why he changed his mind. Did he say something to you?”
“No.” His eyes shift away, and he frowns. “No, and Jessica hasn’t brought it up recently. It’s almost as if she’s given up on the idea entirely.” He pauses. “I think the whole incident during the guard ball influenced her mind, or maybe it has to do with her being kidnapped. I don’t know. She’s been different—distant, reclusive to be more specific. She already struggles with insomnia, but it has worsened of late. The twins mentioned that she worries something might be wrong with her magic, but she won’t talk to us. As far as I know, she hasn’t said a word to Anders either.”
He grabs a pen from his desk and twirls it around his fingers.
“The only one who seems to get a rise out of her is Luke. She has no qualms or reservations over letting him have it when she feels he crosses a line. Sometimes, I think he irritates the hell out of her on purpose. Sometimes I let it happen because it’s the only time I see that fight bring life back behind her eyes.”
I swallow, realizing that Jessica fell down this rabbit hole that sounds like depression. I told myself to stay away from her, ever since she had been attacked by Boris. I wasn’t even therewhen Marcus, Dustin, and Elaine ganged up on her. I was too busy pretending that being around her didn’t affect me at all.
I’m done fighting this pull I feel whenever I’m around her. This conversation gives me the perfect opportunity to ask if I could spend more time with her.
